Dating sites advice please.

[Deleted User]

Must admit I gave up.  It took a number of my friends years because a number of the men they met were married or just plain sleazy and yet you read of decent men who can't get dates.  I tried various sites - paid and unpaid.  I'd probably pick a paid site over the unpaid although I have to say l messaged loads of people and got virtually no replies over the year.   I was messed about with people not turning up or cancelling at the last minute, etc.  I did also wonder if the pictures were for real people.  In our area there is something called 'Across the Room' so you have to physically turn up for events.  It's quite pricey at around £50 a month I think plus the cost of the event.  However, those turning up are going to be interested not time wasters.  I think Match.com does some meet ups - walks and activities.  Sadly, at the moment those things are off the table but it's what I would do. The other thing (maybe unpalatable) possibly look at date coaching - you could be coming on too strong or scaring them away.  It may not be deliberate but a vibe and I may be off base.  Just a thought to consider.  

[Deleted User]

ALLEN1982 said:

Hi (sorry if i have put this in the wrong section) I do not know how to fix my dating life or lack off. I have been chatting to girls on dating sites and in real life through my amdram hobbies, but they either do not reply on dating sites or they cancel on the day we arrange to meet up, even the girls i meet through my hobbies cancel when i mention meeting up. I am depressed over this as what ever i try nothing works (i craft conversations to the girls interests)  most people i know have settled down i am 38 live on my own. i feel stressed it is affecting my sleeping pattern as people i know have settled down. 

Hi There, firstly don't compare yourself just because other people and friends you know have settled down, it doesn't mean they are happy and content!
You just have to be you, as sometimes things just take that little bit longer for everyone else! 
My auntie use to say to me "no man in your life is better than the wrong man in your life" and that is so true. So just change the man to women in the saying, and say it back to yourself.
I have been on both free and paid dating sites previously and there is probably only 10% of genuine single people looking for that relationship, and even when you do finally meet someone, it will always be a learning curve. Every single person has had is is having challenges in their life, and in a partnership. You either bond, grow together and help each other out, or you move on with your life, even when the moving on will cause heart ache and pain.
I know it's easier said than done, to not be hard on yourself, but we all do it, even when in a relationship. 

I'm 45, still feel like I'm in my twenties and have been blessed with younger looking genes!!!!! I would class myself as a great catch as I'm a pretty hands on type of woman. But I'm not everyone's cup of tea!!! and that's ok. 
I've been with my partner for nearly two years, but I'm not sure we now have any future (his sister is making my life hell!!! but that's a whole other story. But that's my point, nothing is perfect so don't be too hard on yourself and always follow your gut feelings because they are usually right, and we just don't listen to those feelings early enough!!!

askeym

caprikid1 said:

Current relationship from Plenty of fish about to hit 5 years, If you are open and honest with good photos and can talk to people I never found it difficult to get dates, In fact I was in my late forties and dated far prettier women than I ever got close to in my 20's. If you cannot find someone suitable on POF you are probably doing something wrong given the volume of people on there.

I hate to boast but I usually get mobbed by women when I'm out and about. I have to call out, 'Please ladies can you form an orderly queue.' Sometimes I have to shout, 'Madam, can you get back in line, there's no queue jumping here.' I recall I once had

to yell, 'Madam, can you please put those back on this is a public place.' Such is life.

Somepiddy

Personally I don't recommend to use such sites. In my opinion better will be to go to the bar or night club and meet girls in such way.

Dave_Livingston

I was in a similar position as you until a couple of years ago, 36 male, single, little/none relationship success and feeling that love would never happen to me while at most friends settled down with kids. Luckily two years later I have now found someone that I am happy with. 

Some tips that I would give are 

1. Dating sucks - there is no denying it. You go to a date with the hope that it will be your last first date, only to have either of the following happen 
- you don't have much in common with the person 
- you like the person but they don't like you at least not romantically 
The only way to deal with this is to accept that being rejected is part of life, pick your self up and move on. Don't take it too personally as it happens to everyone and it is better that you are rejected now when you have low investment than get into an unsuitable relationship. 

2. Online dating sucks even more. Expired profiles, lack of/no responses and women flaking out of dates are pretty common. A few tips 
- what is a good dating site depends on your area. I live in a small city and most of the women in my age range were on Match or Bumble. I left Tinder as most women just seemed to be looking for something sort term/on the side. Plenty of fish and OK cupid did not have many profiles (although I liked OK cupids get to know you questions). Ask recently coupled friends or single girls what they are on. 
- you need to be proactive - On match I set myself the target of messaging 10 women a week. As time consuming as it was to go though read the profile and craft a personal message. Of this I would say that I was lucky if I got 1 response. Of the responses I would say that only about 1/3rd to 1/2 lead to a date. 
- your profile needs to be really good. Girls can get away with a couple of old photos from last years holiday and a few lines. Guys can't. You need to have good high resolution pictures of you looking your best self (wear black or red) and a relatively lengthy profile (guys tend to write too short a profile). For tips on this I suggest the audiobook "Online dating" by Ace McCloud. Also get a female friend or three to review - don't be embarrassed by asking for help on this.

3. Work on improving yourself - the better a person you are the more women are going to want to date you. I found the book "Models" by Mark Manson useful in covering this topic from a dating perspective. 

4.Keep a wide range of hobbies and pick up new ones. This gets you meeting new people. Am-dram sounds a good one for meeting women but also consider young walking clubs (the easier walks tend to be filled with single women), language classes, running groups. For me it always takes time to get in to a new group so it might take several visits to get to know people. These might not lead to anything directly but making more friends and doing interesting things is likely to increase dating success. 

Good luck!   

george4064

The only advice I can give is that you should give the app Hinge a try, it only matches people who share interests and I think users’ profiles are structured in a clever way that gets people talking about things they are both interested in.

Good luck, keep going and I’m sure you will find the right person for you.

AubreyMac

I've never had any luck on any of these apps and I've tried all the popular ones. 

I've also been told it's harder in London due to the high turnover of people. 

I was recommended one recently, can not remember the name, but it's basically speed dating online via video call where you get 3 mins per person. My friend who recommended it says the benefit is that less time is wasted and at least you know the other profile is a real person.