Dating sites advice please.

mason's_mum

Fireflyaway said:

 I do agree that many UK women are too fussy and have their priorities wrong. 

In my experience I could say the same about many UK men.
but what you want is what you want (and personally I think there's nothing wrong with being fussy) and only by dating people can you work out where you're prepared to compromise and where you're not.
I wouldn't date a smoker - that's my choice. they might be perfect in every other way, but that's one of the things I'm not prepared to compromise on. Everything else is pretty much up for discussion if the person is right - am I fussy? I don't think so, I just know what I want and what I don't want.

MovingForwards

I have never been anywhere near a dating site. My OH and I are together because of a hobby we both share, so had a lot of online contact as friends. 

We started talking one2one, then phone calls, video calls, then met for a date, another couple of dates later we were engaged and after a few more dates I relocated as his area was much better than mine and my work history / qualifications meant I had transferrable skills and could slot into a load of different jobs. Still together now and are thinking about planning our wedding.

You don't need dating agencies, hobbies and interests also allow people to meet, get together and form relationships.

mason's_mum

MovingForwards said:

I have never been anywhere near a dating site.

you're lucky! it's hard work, you have to kiss a lot of frogs as the saying goes!

BarrytheBrummyBoar

Don't tell our Pammy but I often frequent dating sites. For larger ladies, just like our Pammy, because I am a gentleman of larger proportions too. You want to see the size of my wallet! I'm considerably, connnnnssssiderably, richer than most!

Me and our Pammy met on such a site, it all went well until the then Mrs BarryTheBrummyBoar found out and made me sleep in the sty. Of course, then I had to marry Pammy! Oh well! 

GreattaS

I have never used dating sites. Did someone manage to find a good partner there and build a lasting relationship?

Fireflyaway

I met my husband online nearly 17 years ago when it wasn't so popular. 
Mason's_mum - I agree with you, it's fine to have certain things that you won't compromise on. There is no point starting to date someone If they have an aspect about them that you really dislike. What I mean when I say fussy people are those who have a long list of physical and material characteristics that they won't budge on. Eg if someone ticks all the boxes but has green eyes and not the blue ones as per the wish list! Or earns £40k instead of £50k or drives a Fiesta rather than a BMW.  I just believe those people are being unrealistic. You obviously can't guarantee that things will stay the same either. The fit guy with the full head of hair could well become fat and bold in ten years. He might get ill and lose his income. I suppose what I'm saying is if people looked more at a future partners morals, life goals etc and less at their shoes or what car they drive they might be more successful. When I was on a dating site I refused to include a photo! It meant fewer contacts and some people who did reach out to me soon disappeared when I refused. I suppose I wanted to know that physical appearance wasn't the overriding attribute they were focusing on. 

[Deleted User]

GreattaS said:

I have never used dating sites. Did someone manage to find a good partner there and build a lasting relationship?

Have friends married 10 years and 3 children later from plenty of fish. Colleague who reckons should give it a go is with someone 6 years on, she had the home and said she didn’t want a smoker and someone of tenant status and got what she was entirely against though it’s worked ok. I do think it’s down to luck and if you don’t attract nutters and serial daters/fly by night types offline as it were.

mason's_mum

GreattaS said:

I have never used dating sites. Did someone manage to find a good partner there and build a lasting relationship?

I found someone online in February and it's going well so far - still VERY early days obviously, so I'll come back and let you know in a couple of years! but I do have several sets of friends who met online, one of whom was supposed to get married in May, and another who are 10 years married with 4 kids. so I would say it definitely can work.
I would just see it as an additional way of meeting new people - you still have to go through the same subsequent process as if you met through friends or hobbies first, and like in real life you're likely to find a lot more people who you don't want to see again than those you do! it can get time consuming though - so try not to let it rule your life and be selective - if you're not sure about someone, or they make you feel uncomfortable, then just ignore them!

caprikid1

Current relationship from Plenty of fish about to hit 5 years, If you are open and honest with good photos and can talk to people I never found it difficult to get dates, In fact I was in my late forties and dated far prettier women than I ever got close to in my 20's. If you cannot find someone suitable on POF you are probably doing something wrong given the volume of people on there.

KxMx

Wow. That last sentence is rude and quite untrue. I have a friend who married her PoF guy and they have two kids and are very happy. 

That is the exception since many, many guys on PoF will ignore you, not want anything beyond chat or casual hook ups.

Most of the messages I get from guys are absolutely not my type so I struggle to get dates. Barely any guys I message answer back. Two dates in a year is a lot for me although I'm not on there full time by any means. 

Yes I have some negatives but I am quite attractive, very confident and very happy with myself. At 33 I couldn't be further from the stereotypical female of a certain age desperate to settle down and have kids.

Unfortunately due to it being free most on PoF is dross and you have to wade though an awful lot of it to find the decent guys. I'm certainly not doing anything wrong.