Dating sites advice please.

ALLEN1982

Hi (sorry if i have put this in the wrong section) I do not know how to fix my dating life or lack off. I have been chatting to girls on dating sites and in real life through my amdram hobbies, but they either do not reply on dating sites or they cancel on the day we arrange to meet up, even the girls i meet through my hobbies cancel when i mention meeting up. I am depressed over this as what ever i try nothing works (i craft conversations to the girls interests)  most people i know have settled down i am 38 live on my own. i feel stressed it is affecting my sleeping pattern as people i know have settled down. 

Fireflyaway

It can be hard to meet people. If you use a dating site id suggest using a paid for one that asks a few questions about what you are looking for. These free ones that are based mainly on appearance tend to be more for casual stuff ! Have you thought about how you come accross? Are you too full on or appear too keen? What reasons do people give you for not meeting up? I'd suggest working on yourself. I'm separated from my husband ( so perhaps I shouldn't be giving dating advice!) But I found that working on myself rather than being fixated on trying to get him back has been so helpful. I'm growing in confidence and independence and feeling more proud of myself.  So maybe dont try too hard. You will appear more attractive if you come across as happy and grounded. 

KxMx

I find dating sites very hard work, I'm female, 33 and struggle to get dates, had two last year which was a record! 

I have a couple of negatives to guys I understand that, but I'm a happy, confident, attractive woman already. 

Couldn't be further from the stereotypical female desperate to settle down and have kids!

I don't try all the time, if I'm particularly fed up I deactivate for a few months and go back when ready.

I also have very low expectations for dating sites that are very rarely proven wrong. 

I understand how lonely it can be when all your friends are settled. 

Comms69

Try being more open and honest. not craft conversations, but have real conversations. disagree, debate, laugh - be yourself.

Trust me it's obvious when someone isnt being their true self.

Comms69

Deleted_User said:

I'm in the same situation, 38 male and single with no idea of what dating sites or apps to use? I'm not worried about meeting somebody nearby, also not worried about looks so don't want to use a swiping app. I just want to get to know people properly and find a connection. It feels more difficult now than ever!

Ye it's not easy. You just have to kind of be out there and open to new experiences. 

I know it's not the same world, but previous partners i've met through either friends or nights out. Dating apps are fine, but not really for me. 

annajamey

Donot dispirit on that, many girls are only seeking people who can chat with them, no offline meeting. Contact enough girls to get one lucky.

BrassicWoman

Stop “crafting conversations “ and just be yourself. Fake people are obvious, and terrifying.

askeym

I found the foreign sites better if you're willing to travel at a later date to meet up and it can be treated as a holiday if you don't get on. I successfully used FilipinoCupid.com and an Afro singles site where I met my Kenyan wife. I mean no disrespect but UK women tend to have quite discerning tastes whereas ladies from poorer countries are just glad to be well looked after and aren't concerned with how you look or your age.

Fireflyaway

You might have more luck with a foreign site but there is a greater risk of being used for residency or money purposes. I'm honesty not being prejudiced ( my own husband is North African) but I have personally seen people be used, so just be really careful and be alert for any warning signs. I do agree that many UK women are too fussy and have their priorities wrong. 

askeym

Fireflyaway said:

You might have more luck with a foreign site but there is a greater risk of being used for residency or money purposes. I'm honesty not being prejudiced ( my own husband is North African) but I have personally seen people be used, so just be really careful and be alert for any warning signs. I do agree that many UK women are too fussy and have their priorities wrong. 

You're right of course but if you chat with someone on video chat for quite a few months, asking the right questions you can generally get a good idea of their character.

mason's_mum

I was in the same situation as you (39, living on my own, all my friends long since settled down etc)
You need a thick skin when dating - initially I couldn't believe that people I liked didn't want to chat with me (I really don't have a  big ego honestly!) and I replied to everyone who messaged me. but this is hugely time consuming, so I started to get selective, only responding to people who I thought I had things in common with or I had a good chance of getting along with (and that I was attracted to).
I'd been on Tinder for a while,  got ignored a lot, chatted with lots of people, went on first dates with a few, finally met someone I wanted to see again, dated for a bit then got ghosted - I took it quite hard. so I joined up with Match as I thought that if you're paying for something you're more likely to take it seriously. what did I find but all the same people I'd previously seen on Tinder?!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I'd chatted with a guy for a bit off and on through February, I don't know why but for some reason I kept being drawn to his profile, and eventually asked if he'd like to meet. We met on the first of March, and have pretty much been together 24/7 (including lockdown!) ever since.
I guess it's a bit of a numbers game, the more people you chat to, the higher chance you have of getting a date, and meeting the right person.
Keep going, they are out there somewhere! just be yourself, if you get ignored or let down then move on, don't dwell on it, it wasn't meant to be and there's someone better out there for you! good luck and hopefully you'll be back on here soon telling us you've met someone lovely!