Should I ask my cousin to contribute to petrol costs to work?

DUTR

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

DUTR said:

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

I used to catch the bus to work but since the lockdown came in I started to drive. 

I work as an NHS cleaner and work in the same place as my cousin and because I have a 7 seater and I can maintain the 2 meter rule, I offered to take them into work which adds an extra 20 minutes each way. They used to take the bus but then my retired Nan started to give them a lift in her van once the rule came in.

My cousin is getting paid 'significantly' more and is saving on their bus fare yet they haven't offered to chip in with any petrol or really acknowledged the extra time for me to take them. I am out of the house a lot longer now and there are days when they are frustratingly late which effects my hours at work but if I don't give them a lift, our Nan who used to drive them (for free) would even though she should be at home.
I have hinted in the past about the cost of owning a car and the wear and tear but the only response I got was I should just be grateful that I have a car. If it was a friend, I would tell them to sling their hook but family is different especially when my Nan is involved.   

Should I ask them to chip in and risk the awkwardness or swallow the costs for the sake of this strange time?

I think you should swallow the costs during this strange time, you offered the lift not they asked.
Also you mention bus fares, many regular bus users have a pass, so there would be no saving for them until the pass expires and besides they may use the bus for additional travel beyond work. 

Lover_of_Lycra said:

People aren't mind readers.  If you would like your cousin to contribute towards the cost of petrol just straight out ask for some money instead of dropping hints.  

I thought it was the decent thing to do and assumed that they would be decent too. They used to get a monthly bus pass and they got a refund as soon as Nan gave them a ride. It's all very stressful. I guess I will have to swallow the costs and try and focus on the bigger picture.  

For me , I'm always wary of someone offering unrequested 'help', often from life experience, they want the favour returned with interest. When you are doing a good deed, you do so without the expectation of reward.
From my seat your win win solution is to offer to pick them up and set them down where their journey is on your route, that way you minimise time and extra cost.

silverwhistle

It's annoying when people take things for granted, but nice when they offer. I've gone out of my way to pick up a team mate when we were playing away. She offered petrol money and I told her not to be so silly: it's a team, I benefited from lifts when I was younger and the world goes round. Pleased to be offered though.

But regularly going out of your way and being taken for granted would annoy me too. Perhaps take up DUTR's suggestion and offer to drop them off somewhere, and not wait around for them if they are late and haven't contacted you.

The alternative is to pretend you have a bad cough...

Fireflyaway

Personally I wouldn't ask for money, I'd do it as a gesture of goodwill and know you are doing something kind. Hopefully they haven't thought of it as they are using you for gain and instead just accepting a kind gesture. Asking for money could make things really awkward. Could you invent a reason why you can't take them one day? Just so they realize how helpful you are actually being? Thank you for what you are doing by the way. Cleaning is more important than ever with what's going on. 

[Deleted User]

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

DUTR said:

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

I used to catch the bus to work but since the lockdown came in I started to drive. 

I work as an NHS cleaner and work in the same place as my cousin and because I have a 7 seater and I can maintain the 2 meter rule, I offered to take them into work which adds an extra 20 minutes each way. They used to take the bus but then my retired Nan started to give them a lift in her van once the rule came in.

My cousin is getting paid 'significantly' more and is saving on their bus fare yet they haven't offered to chip in with any petrol or really acknowledged the extra time for me to take them. I am out of the house a lot longer now and there are days when they are frustratingly late which effects my hours at work but if I don't give them a lift, our Nan who used to drive them (for free) would even though she should be at home.
I have hinted in the past about the cost of owning a car and the wear and tear but the only response I got was I should just be grateful that I have a car. If it was a friend, I would tell them to sling their hook but family is different especially when my Nan is involved.   

Should I ask them to chip in and risk the awkwardness or swallow the costs for the sake of this strange time?

I think you should swallow the costs during this strange time, you offered the lift not they asked.
Also you mention bus fares, many regular bus users have a pass, so there would be no saving for them until the pass expires and besides they may use the bus for additional travel beyond work. 

Lover_of_Lycra said:

People aren't mind readers.  If you would like your cousin to contribute towards the cost of petrol just straight out ask for some money instead of dropping hints.  

I thought it was the decent thing to do and assumed that they would be decent too. They used to get a monthly bus pass and they got a refund as soon as Nan gave them a ride. It's all very stressful. I guess I will have to swallow the costs and try and focus on the bigger picture.  

You know what happens when you assume....
You offered to give your cousin a lift, your cousin did not ask.  The time to bring up petrol money was really when you made the offer so everyone knew where they stood.  If it's really eating away at you just ask for some money now?  Is your cousin a non-driver because I've often found that non-drivers think that cars run on fairy dust.  I do sometimes offer people lifts and when I do I don't expect money in return but when someone asks for a lift then maybe I would ask for some petrol money especially if it was one particular former friend and colleague who seemed to think the world owed her a living and would demand the 20p she had loaned you for the vending machine whilst still owing you £20 from something else.

warby68

People who don't offer to pay their way are usually takers and will take until the giver does something about it.
I would just ask along these lines ' as this is going on for quite a while and looks like carrying on, can we have a chat about travel costs? I wouldn't mind if you were on my route but its about 20 minutes extra each way. I don't mind the time as its better for nan but could do with some petrol money. What do you think about £x a day. That's less than your bus pass isn't it? Or you can meet me at x. Sorry mate but I just can't afford the extra longer term.'
To be honest if cousin is a sponger I'd probably stop if there wasn't a positive response. 
I really don't like blatant takers though.

Pollycat

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

I used to catch the bus to work but since the lockdown came in I started to drive. 

I work as an NHS cleaner and work in the same place as my cousin and because I have a 7 seater and I can maintain the 2 meter rule, I offered to take them into work which adds an extra 20 minutes each way. They used to take the bus but then my retired Nan started to give them a lift in her van once the rule came in.

My cousin is getting paid 'significantly' more and is saving on their bus fare yet they haven't offered to chip in with any petrol or really acknowledged the extra time for me to take them. I am out of the house a lot longer now and there are days when they are frustratingly late which effects my hours at work but if I don't give them a lift, our Nan who used to drive them (for free) would even though she should be at home.
I have hinted in the past about the cost of owning a car and the wear and tear but the only response I got was I should just be grateful that I have a car. If it was a friend, I would tell them to sling their hook but family is different especially when my Nan is involved.   

Should I ask them to chip in and risk the awkwardness or swallow the costs for the sake of this strange time?

I can't see where anyone has picked up on the bit in bold.

It's all well and good giving someone a lift - even if it means an extra 40 minutes on your total journey - but when that bit of kindness starts impacting on your job, I think it's time to call a halt.

What if this lateness results in the OP losing his/her job?

I would be having a discussion with the cousin about timekeeping and if they can't guarantee to be ready on time, then the offer of the lift would be withdrawn.

And as part of that conversation, I would be introducing the subject of contributing towards the journey from now on.

I agree that the time to mention contribution to the journey was when the offer was made.

In consideration of the impact of the Nan driving the cousin, the OP hasn't said if she is in the vulnerable category.

I too am retired i.e. of state pension age but am not classed as vulnerable.

JReacher1

i always think you're best in these situations to say absolutely nothing and instead let the resentment build up inside until one day your cousin does something very innocuous like adjust the seat in your car and you just start screaming at them 😀

sheramber

does your cousin live with your Nan? If not , she should not be giving them a lift.

Chickendinnerwinner888

She is a 60 something heavy smoker. She doesnt live with my cousin but she has a campervan which means she can be more than the recommended 2 meter distance. Her excuse is that it keeps her battery going.  

JReacher1 said:

i always think you're best in these situations to say absolutely nothing and instead let the resentment build up inside until one day your cousin does something very innocuous like adjust the seat in your car and you just start screaming at them 😀

I have ultimately decided to take JReacher1's method.   
I will let you guys know what happens when I reach this point. 

Pollycat

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

JReacher1 said:

i always think you're best in these situations to say absolutely nothing and instead let the resentment build up inside until one day your cousin does something very innocuous like adjust the seat in your car and you just start screaming at them 😀

I have ultimately decided to take JReacher1's method.   
I will let you guys know what happens when I reach this point. 

We'll probably hear about it on the news...