Should I ask my cousin to contribute to petrol costs to work?

Chickendinnerwinner888

I used to catch the bus to work but since the lockdown came in I started to drive. 

I work as an NHS cleaner and work in the same place as my cousin and because I have a 7 seater and I can maintain the 2 meter rule, I offered to take them into work which adds an extra 20 minutes each way. They used to take the bus but then my retired Nan started to give them a lift in her van once the rule came in.

My cousin is getting paid 'significantly' more and is saving on their bus fare yet they haven't offered to chip in with any petrol or really acknowledged the extra time for me to take them. I am out of the house a lot longer now and there are days when they are frustratingly late which effects my hours at work but if I don't give them a lift, our Nan who used to drive them (for free) would even though she should be at home.
I have hinted in the past about the cost of owning a car and the wear and tear but the only response I got was I should just be grateful that I have a car. If it was a friend, I would tell them to sling their hook but family is different especially when my Nan is involved.   

Should I ask them to chip in and risk the awkwardness or swallow the costs for the sake of this strange time?

Chickendinnerwinner888

I probably should've added. I spoke to my Nan but she thinks it's silly for me to ask for anything but she is the type of person who doesn't like conflict and would give her arm and leg just to have peace around her but she just gets taken advantage of which really grates on me. I wanted to save her the hassle and risk to her and grandad but my cousins behaviour is not good for my mood on top of work. 
Just so you are aware, we have the windows open in the car as a precaution, we both wear masks and we have a divider between us just in case.  

KxMx

I can well understand why you are annoyed. 

Personally I would look on it as helping your grandparents, acknowledge your cousin isn't going to change and that these are indeed extraordinary circumstances. 

When things do get back to normal and Cousin asks you for something, take great pleasure in saying no. 

kazwookie

Toughen up, ask / tell your cousins how long it is taking and the cost and suggest that they pay £(X) per journey.

Maybe ask for 3/4 of the bus fare for that route.

Comms69

You offered, he didnt ask for a lift. When you offered why didnt you mention something towards fuel

Chickendinnerwinner888

Comms69 said:

You offered, he didnt ask for a lift. When you offered why didnt you mention something towards fuel

I thought he would offer but I was wrong. I offered it because I didn't want my Nan to continue taking them. 

[Deleted User]

People aren't mind readers.  If you would like your cousin to contribute towards the cost of petrol just straight out ask for some money instead of dropping hints.  

DUTR

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

I used to catch the bus to work but since the lockdown came in I started to drive. 

I work as an NHS cleaner and work in the same place as my cousin and because I have a 7 seater and I can maintain the 2 meter rule, I offered to take them into work which adds an extra 20 minutes each way. They used to take the bus but then my retired Nan started to give them a lift in her van once the rule came in.

My cousin is getting paid 'significantly' more and is saving on their bus fare yet they haven't offered to chip in with any petrol or really acknowledged the extra time for me to take them. I am out of the house a lot longer now and there are days when they are frustratingly late which effects my hours at work but if I don't give them a lift, our Nan who used to drive them (for free) would even though she should be at home.
I have hinted in the past about the cost of owning a car and the wear and tear but the only response I got was I should just be grateful that I have a car. If it was a friend, I would tell them to sling their hook but family is different especially when my Nan is involved.   

Should I ask them to chip in and risk the awkwardness or swallow the costs for the sake of this strange time?

I think you should swallow the costs during this strange time, you offered the lift not they asked.
Also you mention bus fares, many regular bus users have a pass, so there would be no saving for them until the pass expires and besides they may use the bus for additional travel beyond work. 

Chickendinnerwinner888

DUTR said:

Chickendinnerwinner888 said:

I used to catch the bus to work but since the lockdown came in I started to drive. 

I work as an NHS cleaner and work in the same place as my cousin and because I have a 7 seater and I can maintain the 2 meter rule, I offered to take them into work which adds an extra 20 minutes each way. They used to take the bus but then my retired Nan started to give them a lift in her van once the rule came in.

My cousin is getting paid 'significantly' more and is saving on their bus fare yet they haven't offered to chip in with any petrol or really acknowledged the extra time for me to take them. I am out of the house a lot longer now and there are days when they are frustratingly late which effects my hours at work but if I don't give them a lift, our Nan who used to drive them (for free) would even though she should be at home.
I have hinted in the past about the cost of owning a car and the wear and tear but the only response I got was I should just be grateful that I have a car. If it was a friend, I would tell them to sling their hook but family is different especially when my Nan is involved.   

Should I ask them to chip in and risk the awkwardness or swallow the costs for the sake of this strange time?

I think you should swallow the costs during this strange time, you offered the lift not they asked.
Also you mention bus fares, many regular bus users have a pass, so there would be no saving for them until the pass expires and besides they may use the bus for additional travel beyond work. 

Lover_of_Lycra said:

People aren't mind readers.  If you would like your cousin to contribute towards the cost of petrol just straight out ask for some money instead of dropping hints.  

I thought it was the decent thing to do and assumed that they would be decent too. They used to get a monthly bus pass and they got a refund as soon as Nan gave them a ride. It's all very stressful. I guess I will have to swallow the costs and try and focus on the bigger picture.  

oystercatcher

This is obviously bugging you and I think they should chip in and help so why not pluck up the courage and ask them if they would mind helping with the cost, could you stop for fuel on the way home and mention that you are using more and start the conversation that way? It could be that cousin is struggling financially despite the higher income or it could be they are just really thoughtless and didn't think to offer to help you. Clearly if you don't ask you won't get in this case so ask....but decide what you will do if you if they say no before you ask. At least if you ask then you know what the answer is instead of just building up resentment which isn't good for you.

Chickendinnerwinner888

oystercatcher said:

This is obviously bugging you and I think they should chip in and help so why not pluck up the courage and ask them if they would mind helping with the cost, could you stop for fuel on the way home and mention that you are using more and start the conversation that way? It could be that cousin is struggling financially despite the higher income or it could be they are just really thoughtless and didn't think to offer to help you. Clearly if you don't ask you won't get in this case so ask....but decide what you will do if you if they say no before you ask. At least if you ask then you know what the answer is instead of just building up resentment which isn't good for you.

Thanks, I am going to weigh up what everyone has suggested and think about how to go about this. I'll be seeing them tonight for the night shift.