Divorce, Spousal Support and Division of Assets

swingaloo

Sienna2017 said:

Thanks everyone, yes I'm based in England.

Ok, so sounds like spousal support is a none starter, which means that at the moment, the only guaranteed thing is the c£600pm in child maintenance.  But you will also have your wage as well.

So is the answer just looking at half the combined assets? Pensions, Savings etc?

My only qualm is, the majority of his cash assets sit abroad, can he choose not to disclose this?

I am seeking legal advice, but wanted to see what info I could get beforehand. Having looked at the replies, and losing the the extra £450pm (spousal support) is very short of my expectation. Your expectations need to be reconsidered, you are not losing the extra 450, it never existed except in your own figures.

£600, his half of nursery is £200pm, which only leaves me with £100pw for her. You need to stop looking at things this way, there is NO 'half his nursery', the maintenance is a sum of money which goes towards the raising of his child. If you try to split every penny you spend on your child between the 2 of you then you are going to drive yourself mad.

 Don't forget that your husband will need to keep a roof over his head as well and may have expectations of his own. Both of you are going to see a big difference in lifestyle. 2 homes cannot be run as cheaply as one.

..

Sienna2017

Socajam said:

Reading through what you wrote and your expectations, you sound quite greedy.
As someone who went through this, you are going to have to be able to negotiate and give some things and gain some.  Failure to do so will only increase your solicitors bill and guess you will be paying for that,  Lawyers don't really care, because at the end of the day, they will get paid.
It's best to ask your husband for a meeting and the two of you sit down and go through everything and come to a an agreement. If both of you can hold on to this agreement without the solicitors pitting each against the other , you are on to a winner.
The minute yow allow other people to drum ideas into your head, then you are going to have a long drawn out divorce/settlement.
I was able to settle things with my ex - in fact I have him more than he was entitled to, but in the long term I gave off far better than him.
If I had listen to my friends, I would have been in a far worse situation.  I kept the input from solicitors to a minimum, until it was ready to be signed.
I agree with all the other who said that why should your ex pay spousal support when you are able to work.  Your parents looking after the child is on you - the maintenance from your ex-husband should cover that, not for him to pay extra to your parents.
Buying a 4 bedroom house is on you, not your husband's responsibility because you see yourself living in a larger house later on in your life.  Deal with the now and let years from now take care of itself.  A 3 bedroom house is big enough for you and the children.
Good luck going forward, because you are going to need it, but you are going to have to be realistic about your situation and how yo go about getting your husband to sit down and compromise - both of you are going to have to give and take - may be you have to give more - that's the nature of life some times.

Hi, this is very judgemental of you, since you do not know me to call me greedy. I've come on here to ask for advice and suggestions and it's very unhelpful. Each situation is different and glad you were able to get the divorce you needed in the end. But please keep your judgment to yourself. Great if you were able to give away more than he deserved. FYI, he will be paying my legal fees.

Sienna2017

kingfisherblue said:

Only £100 a week for your child? Well, that's a lot more than most people get. I can't work due to having a severely disabled child. My ex didn't have to pay me any spousal support, and child maintenance for three children was £235 a month. When he lost his job (which was after my oldest turned 18), he paid me £20 a month for two children. I also paid the mortgage and endowments from my benefits, as the house has been adapted for my son's disabilities.

Time to rethink your finances I think....

Again, thank you for your input, but each situation is different, and I'm sorry your ex does not pay you what you deserve.

Sistergold

Sienna2017 said:

Hi, thanks for your help. I understand it is complex, and I am seeking legal help. But they advise, if things can be settled privately, then that is the best way. I am just not sure how I should calculate this? And if I'm entitled to it?

I understand a 3 bed house would suffice for now, not ideal as would like to buy it and live in it a long time.

Hello
After divorce whoever has the child or children will most likely pay in money more than the absent parent. It feels better in that the love, kisses and cuddles from your child and memories created will be priceless so that is the plus for the financial loss. If you try to ask for more than half in a divorce you find it will become a bloody affair. This whole affair is going to be painful for you seeing that you were cheated on. Best take half and pray to make it despite what you might think is an unfair financial split or support. After divorce best think of the other party as if they are non existent so that you don’t continue to feel entitled and get disappointed at every turn. 

Secondly Best Buy a house which is below your means as stretching yourself is really not good for your financial future. I don’t understand why you want a 4 bedroom house as you have one child? Even a two bedroom house could work? Best look at what you need and should afford versus what you want. Best not use all the cash you have to buy a house as now you will now be on one income. Best now to start being practical and accept that life is not necessary “fair” as the other party has a different definition of what’s fair.  
spousal support? Don’t waste money on solicitors to get this as you will be lucky to have him give you enough child support to even look after his child. Society expects you to support yourself so spousal support is really not available unless he just decides he wants to support you. After the child support you will pay for everything else so if your mom helps then it’s up to the two of you if you want to pay but your ex will not contribute more. If you get 600 you will be lucky.
Better buy a house well within budget if you can get a small house and its fully paid for it might be better for you in the long run, if you decide to stretch yourself be ready for the stress involved with that. Solicitors are expensive and he will also get a good solicitor and you will both waste money, best just share in the middle and move on.
Hope you get to a good fair conclusion.

jackieblack

Is your child’s father not going to have him overnight at all?