Help! 29 February at 1:49PM in MoneySaving Mums 1 reply 261 views

rainbowball

My Ex husband and I bought our house together fourteen years ago. Seven years ago we broke up, he moved out and stopped paying his share of mortgage payments. We got a ‘quickie divorce’ which he pushed for as he wanted to remarry. I didn’t ask him for any money at the time. I have been covering the mortgage for the last seven years. I live in the house with our two children who are 14 and 12. I have now decided to sell and use the equity in the house to use as a deposit for a new house, and my ex husband is now demanding money from the house. When he moved out, the house was valued and there was £10k equity. Now seven years later there is potentially £60k equity. I have been paying the full mortgage payments plus both of our life insurance for the whole seven years since he stopped paying. What are my options please? I understand I could have gone about things differently and maybe should have got a solicitor to deal with the divorce but I simply couldnt afford it at the time. 

Sistergold

Ouch. You have really found yourself in a very sticky situation. I was in your very position some time ago. Was married for 23years, the marriage was always on the brink of divorce all those years. He would say if we divorced he would not remarry and he would let me have money from the 2 houses we owned but when I finally had enough and filed for divorce he was the first to sell the family house and move to our buy to let. It was also an online divorce.  I had to then push and shove for him to agree to sell the second property as he was staying there for half the cost as tenants rent was £1000 but mortgage was £450 he stayed there only paying the mortgage and never gave me any money. The buy to let was our investment property and if a tenant was staying in it after paying mortgage We would have both been entitled to £250 a month. He stayed in the buy to let for 3years never gave me a penny and I was renting somewhere paying my full rent and all 4 children were with me. Despite the financial gains of living in our rental property only paying the mortgage he still demanded half of the equity.  Once we sold both he of course wanted his half and went on and remarried. I was lucky as when I filed for divorce I chose to move out as we were always fighting. I did move with the children. I rented for years during this battle got my half and saved saved saved and last year I finally bought my house in my own name. 

Sorry to rumble on but I just thought it might make you feel better. 

Unless your ex was an angel in which case you would not have divorced him when you did the quicky divorce  you needed to conclude the issues of property quickly too so that what’s yours is yours! 

When I was having problems with him refusing to sell the buy to let I went and saw a solicitor but was lucky to meet a woman who told me that even though I am the one with the children it will be cheaper for me to reach a sale agreement with him and cheaper not to fight for bigger share of sale proceeds. She explained that forcing him to sell through help of solicitor and asking for bigger share through solicitor will cost thousands and still I might not win the case. 

So I am saying if he is really now being greedy firstly try to see if you can appeal to the better side of him so that he sees that you are the one who has been paying the mortgage. I don’t think he will agree to the £10k equity but maybe he might not then demand his so call full share but agree to something less than he is demanding now. 

If you had to give him his so called current share of the property will you still be in a position to buy your own property?
i am asking this as I found with my ex I only made progress once I told myself not to fight him tooth and nail just get my half accept the loses and move on as that relationship was a waste of my time in the first place. 

Involving solicitors will be one way to insist on what you think you should get but this can be longwinded with no guaranties and house market will be moving on in the meantime. If I were you if he insists I would sell, give him whatever he is asking for as long as it’s not more than half I guess depending on the original share distribution and I would wipe my tears and move on. I feel what goes around comes around and God/Universe have a way of catching up with people like him. 

Just know that after it’s all said and done time will heal all wounds but press on to buy your own house. 

Hugs from this end as I know how it feels xx