Can The Courts Help Me Get Father to See Children More?

Drawingaline

My youngest is undiagnosed (but definitely on the spectrum) and I receive DLA for him. I have a friend who has a SWAN child who is disabled in a variety of ways and she definitely receives disability benefits for them. I know she has received a lot of support from the SWAN forums and blogs, both practical advice and help with emotional support too. Do have a look at them if you haven't previously.

And short of taking the job and them dumping the kids on him while you jet off to the States, I think there will be little you can do to make someone like this step up. 

[Deleted User]

MakingLifeMine said:

HampshireH said:

You should go through CSA  regardless especially if you are getting nothing at all now.

What’s the point if he will just underestimate his income. I saw him do this exact thing to his ex wife. I didn’t think anything of it because at the time we had no children and now I am going through the exact thing with him. Honestly, I am more than happy to work than receive an income. I just need the support to work but clearly I was naive expecting this.

And that didn't set off alarm bells in your head? You absolutely should have the CSA involved even if he's going to be a knob about things. 

Could you build your self employment up to fit around child care? 

onwards&upwards

bouicca21 said:

many moons ago I was faced with childcare costs that almost exactly equalled my earnings.  I took the gamble and the job.  Best thing I ever did as it eased me back into work and opened up some great opportunities.

How did you pay your rent and bills though?

Comms69

MakingLifeMine said:

I know fathers can take mothers to court if they can not agree on visitation rights and the father would like more access. However, can a mother take a father to court so that he sees the children every weekend?

I’m on UC and the money i receive leaves us short on a monthly basis if my ex husband doesn’t pay maintenance.
I supplement my UC with self employment work 1 day every other Saturday when my ex has the children. I consult with US clients and get paid hourly for this.

I was offered a lucrative job in the states which was also going to pay for my relocation fees for me and my children, and i had to turn it down because my ex said I could not take the children but he did not want to have them full time. 

I attempted to apply for the same job here but I get declined as they say there was a stronger candidate than me. No problem, I’ll just keep trying.
I looked for lower ranking jobs here just to get a job but after factoring in childcare of all 3 children, i was not better off (but I am still looking).

My youngest is 18 months and whilst I know I do not have to work until he’s 2, I find it hard to look after the children when I don’t get that additional income from my self employment. My eldest has a undiagnosed medical condition and the travel expenses to great Ormond street and additional expenses that come with a sick child add up! I don’t have a diagnosis for him so I have not applied for disability for him.

Now my ex is not consistently having them every other Saturday (he has them overnight) and now he is saying his contract is almost over at his job, and he will definitely not pay me anything as he needs to save his money. I said to him, if he could have then Friday-Sunday every weekend, I could actually earn enough to even come off UC completely and be comfortable. He said no.

I have no family. I asked his family to help with babysitting and they have refused to help. My friends help here and there but its not consistent as they can’t and I don’t know what else to do.

If he gave me permission to leave the country with the children, I can find a good job in the states pretty quickly due to the connections i have but he said no. I explained to them that this would benefit the children and he said no and he can’t look after them because he has to work and if he has the children, he can’t work.

People have told me to go to CSA but I know him. He will underestimate his earnings. He did this to his ex wife with their 2 children and she saw barely any money from him. My ex husband earns on average £400 a day as an IT Contractor.

Any advice appreciated.

You may as well go to CMS, it isn't going to hurt. Yes if he has a LTD company and puts money through that, it may be hard to get the full amount, but better than not knowing what you're getting.

Courts cant force contact. Basically because enforced contact with an unwilling parent is unlikely to be of benefit to the child, and that is the approach courts take.

Malthusian

How did you pay your rent and bills though?

The same way she paid for them before she took the job, I imagine. Partner's earnings, maintenance, savings - I can't see that it matters.

onwards&upwards

Malthusian said:

The same way she paid for them before she took the job, I imagine. Partner's earnings, maintenance, savings - I can't see that it matters.  


It matters because the OP doesn’t have any of those.

[Deleted User]

I read the title as "Can The Courts help me father more children"! 

swingaloo

MakingLifeMine said:

HampshireH said:

You should go through CSA  regardless especially if you are getting nothing at all now.

What’s the point if he will just underestimate his income. I saw him do this exact thing to his ex wife. I didn’t think anything of it because at the time we had no children and now I am going through the exact thing with him. Honestly, I am more than happy to work than receive an income. I just need the support to work but clearly I was naive expecting this.

I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but seeing him do the exact thing to his ex wife should have told you what sort of person he was. 
The court cant help make him see the children. We had it from the other side my O/H went to court as he was being denied access and even after winning he was no better off. All she had to do was say 'She cant see you this week because of a cold/party/going to grandmas/ got tickets for somewhere etc, etc, etc. etc and as another poster said you cant keep going back to the court for enforcement. 

nicechap

Am I the only one reading the dilemma as one of getting extra free childcare rather than improving their children's relationship with their father.

theoretica

nicechap said:

Am I the only one reading the dilemma as one of getting extra free childcare rather than improving their children's relationship with their father.

Getting childcare yes, but as getting some of the equal responsibility for the children that the father has, rather than leaving it all on the mother to find, at whatever cost.