Can The Courts Help Me Get Father to See Children More?

MakingLifeMine

I know fathers can take mothers to court if they can not agree on visitation rights and the father would like more access. However, can a mother take a father to court so that he sees the children every weekend?

I’m on UC and the money i receive leaves us short on a monthly basis if my ex husband doesn’t pay maintenance.
I supplement my UC with self employment work 1 day every other Saturday when my ex has the children. I consult with US clients and get paid hourly for this.

I was offered a lucrative job in the states which was also going to pay for my relocation fees for me and my children, and i had to turn it down because my ex said I could not take the children but he did not want to have them full time. 

I attempted to apply for the same job here but I get declined as they say there was a stronger candidate than me. No problem, I’ll just keep trying.
I looked for lower ranking jobs here just to get a job but after factoring in childcare of all 3 children, i was not better off (but I am still looking).

My youngest is 18 months and whilst I know I do not have to work until he’s 2, I find it hard to look after the children when I don’t get that additional income from my self employment. My eldest has a undiagnosed medical condition and the travel expenses to great Ormond street and additional expenses that come with a sick child add up! I don’t have a diagnosis for him so I have not applied for disability for him.

Now my ex is not consistently having them every other Saturday (he has them overnight) and now he is saying his contract is almost over at his job, and he will definitely not pay me anything as he needs to save his money. I said to him, if he could have then Friday-Sunday every weekend, I could actually earn enough to even come off UC completely and be comfortable. He said no.

I have no family. I asked his family to help with babysitting and they have refused to help. My friends help here and there but its not consistent as they can’t and I don’t know what else to do.

If he gave me permission to leave the country with the children, I can find a good job in the states pretty quickly due to the connections i have but he said no. I explained to them that this would benefit the children and he said no and he can’t look after them because he has to work and if he has the children, he can’t work.

People have told me to go to CSA but I know him. He will underestimate his earnings. He did this to his ex wife with their 2 children and she saw barely any money from him. My ex husband earns on average £400 a day as an IT Contractor.

Any advice appreciated.

BrassicWoman

Can the courts make someone be reasonable? No. Even if they could, what are you gonna do? Go back every week to enforce it?

Find another answer.

HampshireH

You should go through CSA  regardless especially if you are getting nothing at all now.

bouicca21

many moons ago I was faced with childcare costs that almost exactly equalled my earnings.  I took the gamble and the job.  Best thing I ever did as it eased me back into work and opened up some great opportunities.

Mojisola

You don't have to have a diagnosis in order to claim benefits - if your child has greater needs than a healthy child of the same age, it's worth applying. 

KxMx

You can't force him to have the children more and neither can the courts when he is unwilling.
Definitely apply for DLA, as above a diagnosis is not needed, it's all about the needs of the child being above average. 

MakingLifeMine

BrassicWoman said:

Can the courts make someone be reasonable? No. Even if they could, what are you gonna do? Go back every week to enforce it?

Find another answer.

No I would not go back every weekend. 

MakingLifeMine

HampshireH said:

You should go through CSA  regardless especially if you are getting nothing at all now.

What’s the point if he will just underestimate his income. I saw him do this exact thing to his ex wife. I didn’t think anything of it because at the time we had no children and now I am going through the exact thing with him. Honestly, I am more than happy to work than receive an income. I just need the support to work but clearly I was naive expecting this.

kingfisherblue

I second what others have said about applying for DLA for your child. You do not need a diagnosis, you just need to show that your child has more needs than another child of the same age. Some children who are clearly disabled never receive a diagnosis, and are know as SWAN children (Syndrome Without A Name). Also, if you are on a low income, you may be able to claim transport or travel costs from the hospital. I used to have to take my son to Alder Hey on a regular basis. I am on Income Support and Carer's Allowance. I had to take proof of my Income Support on each visit, and ask the clinic to stamp a slip to prove that I had taken my son. My petrol and parking were paid as a cash payment to me on the same day.

MakingLifeMine

kingfisherblue said:

I second what others have said about applying for DLA for your child. You do not need a diagnosis, you just need to show that your child has more needs than another child of the same age. Some children who are clearly disabled never receive a diagnosis, and are know as SWAN children (Syndrome Without A Name). Also, if you are on a low income, you may be able to claim transport or travel costs from the hospital. I used to have to take my son to Alder Hey on a regular basis. I am on Income Support and Carer's Allowance. I had to take proof of my Income Support on each visit, and ask the clinic to stamp a slip to prove that I had taken my son. My petrol and parking were paid as a cash payment to me on the same day.

Thank you. I will look into this.

KxMx

This should be of help:

https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/claiming-travel-expenses

If you don't already I'd recommend taking along your own food and drink so you don't have to pay London prices.

Definitely apply for DLA and apply through CSA too. Go in with the expectation that you won't get anything, so if you do it'll be a bonus, and you'll be making a point to your ex.