Depressed with the insanity of this process

HomelessH

More here to vent and just share my story (without having to listen to "advice" from people who have never tried to buy a house).

I'm in the deep trenches of depression at the moment about what a complete nightmare buying our first home has been so far.
Our plan was to start looking for a home in November, until our landlord suddenly advised that he wants us to vacate so his daughter can move in. This was in September. We were able to negotiate some more time, so that we could stay til mid-January, still fully aware that it might not quite be enough to find and complete on a place, but we would TRY and could find something temporary for a little while if needed.

We found two places that we really liked and made an offer; both went straight into final sealed bid, they were the same EA and their strategy seems to undervalue and then let the rabid dogs overbid each other. We bid sensibly and lost.

Then we found the third place and it's just perfect for us. It was bigger than everything else we had seen, but only had one bedroom which gave us the edge as we're not planning to have children so there was a lot less competition. Our offer got accepted beginning of October. The first month we did everything on our part quickly and diligently (obviously being under time pressure and FTB- not yet completely disillusioned), the seller quickly instructed their solicitor, but then there was no response for several weeks to our solicitor's queries. They finally came back to some of the queries, but since then it's been drip feed only and it took several weeks for their solicitor just to understand our solicitor's questions about the lease extension (which should have been pretty simple as the seller is the freeholder).

FINALLY now we have almost everything to exchange. Except; the sellers are a divorcing couple (you can see where I'm going with this).... At the start of the process our solicitor called us and said that we should hold on the searches until we have clear advice from their solicitor that they have been verbally instructed by both parties. Their solicitor confirmed that as per our solicitor's (according to her: "unusual") wishes she spoke to the ex-husband on 2 December and confirmed he is willing to proceed with the sale, this in addition to having been to the offices with his ID at the start of the whole process.

Then everything just stalled again because of Christmas. When everyone finally returned from holidays beginning of January, the EA advised us that the ex-wife had returned the documents that the husband needed to sign, but the solicitor did not accept these as they needed to be handed over by him. Turns out that this was misunderstood by the EA, the solicitor had requested for an appointment because he keeps messing up the signatures. But now he is not responding to anyone's messages and then suddenly our solicitor yesterday says: Im not playing this game anymore. To my mind, as I flagged from the outset, there is a conflict here. Mr doesn’t want to sell for whatever reason.
Then he asked if we've started looking for alternatives. The seller's solicitor says he is just "slow to respond" and "uninterested in this transaction". She says she spoke to him last just before xmas.

So I informed the EA our deadline for exchange is 31 Jan and we're out.

All along I've been chasing like a maniac and reminded at every opportunity that we are homeless from 13 January. We're currently living at my in-laws in a tiny room, and our cats are with friends. It takes me 2 hours to get to work every day. I cry every five minutes. The thought of actually losing this house (which I LOVE) and having to live this nightmare for another 6 months or so AND do this process from the start again (potentially strung along for months again)... I can't even put it into words. The stress of it will kill me one way or another.

So many questions:
- If you don't wanna sell the house, why not just say so?
- This is chain free. The house is EMPTY (I went to check on that yesterday) and has been since September at the least.
- How can you be uninterested in hundreds of thousands of pounds?
- Even if you're just trying to p off your ex?
- I know from their solicitor they are also extending the leases on the other flats in the house, and he hasn't responded to those queries either.
- He did already sign the lot once, just did it wrong.
- He's not dead (facebook)
- Our solicitor seems to think the seller's solicitor is trying to hide the fact that one of them doesn't want to sell. How would that even benefit her?
- I don't particularly like our solicitor either. He's rude and impulsive. But he does get back to you much quicker; so does that also make him more trustworthy???

Not sure I would do this again given the chance to be honest. Any inspirational stories about how it will eventually be worth it?

HanPop

I just wanted to say that I am with you on how awful buying/selling houses can be.
I am currently so stressed out about it all it’s driving me crazy. We put our house on the market ONE YEAR AGO and I’m still here!!! We sold in 6 days with 4 offers and all going well, then went in to sign for exchange and our buyer decides to ‘have a think about it’ when we should have been exchanging, then she pulls out after being uncontactable for 4 days. We were purchasing a new build and they gave us some time to sell. Then we had a couple buying it who could not get the mortgage. Then we had 23 VIEWINGS which was awful when we have 3 children under 5. Then we finally sold again in October and managed to reserve the exact same plot. Everything going ok until solicitor calls up Help To Buy that we are using and it turns out the government changed all of the agents who do this on the 2nd January without telling everyone. So here we are still not moved because we don’t have this paperwork we need to exchange and our buyers are threatening to pull out and our solicitor won’t answer calls. So fed up.
Hopefully things work out in the end for you.

hazyjo

You've just sadly had a few property buying lessons quickly. Most of us experienced buyers/sellers would treat this as bog standard or common knowledge (sorry!).

Few points:

1. Average FH purchase takes 3 months. LH often longer. Jan was always optimistic, especially with everything being shut down for over 2 weeks.

2. Not everyone will be in a rush when moving. It's not their problem you'll be leaving your property mid-Jan (sorry!) - people will still work at their own speed. That's sellers, solicitors, surveyors... everyone.

3. Many here won't buy from divorcing couples. Especially when it's already known there are issues. I sold twice as part of a divorce but it was amicable enough to both sit there like grown ups and do viewings together at times. You had the warning signs.

4. Is that seriously the only choice you have? A 2 hour commute? It's the quietest season of the year. Can you not find an airbnb or cheap holiday let or something short term? You're not paying rent, so surely that's an option?

5. This really shouldn't be THAT stressful. Yes, it's stressy and aggravating and annoying and all that, but tears every 5 mins? Saying it will kill you? Is this really the worst that's ever happened to you? Not trying to be horrible - really think it's worth a chat with a doctor. (In the absolute nicest sense.)

6. You're not even selling too! Most of us are in chains. My last one was formed of 6 links - that's SIX people all selling/buying together. Nightmare. Took around 4 months. And several months ahead of that before we actually got to buy it (completed around a year after first viewing it).

Read the 'waiting to exchange' (long!) thread for some stories from those waiting to complete. You're not alone.

I had two purchases take over a year. I've lost properties I've 'loved'. Wasn't in bits over it as I sadly have experienced far more upsetting and stressful things (which also didn't kill me).

Appreciate we're all different. And I can be a tough cookie at times (soft as butter the rest). But only through knocks and life experience. Try to realise this honestly is not (by any stretch) the worst thing you will go through. Join the waiting to exchange thread for a bit of hand-holding. Be patient. If you have to start again, so be it. Seriously, it is NOT the end of the world. There will be other (better even!) properties. I promise you.

Seriously not trying to knock you. Wishing you lots of luck.

AdrianC

HomelessH wrote: »

the seller quickly instructed their solicitor, but then there was no response for several weeks to our solicitor's queries. They finally came back to some of the queries, but since then it's been drip feed only and it took several weeks for their solicitor just to understand our solicitor's questions about the lease extension (which should have been pretty simple as the seller is the freeholder).

Or it took several weeks for the vendors to give a sensible answer...

So many questions:
- If you don't wanna sell the house, why not just say so?

They're divorcing. They're playing each other. You're not the target - just collateral damage.

- I don't particularly like our solicitor either. He's rude and impulsive. But he does get back to you much quicker; so does that also make him more trustworthy???

It makes him more efficient. That's not the same. If you don't implicitly trust your solicitor, you're using the wrong solicitor. You don't need to like him personally - he's doing a job for you, not being your friend.

Not sure I would do this again given the chance to be honest. Any inspirational stories about how it will eventually be worth it?

A month or three of stress - most of which is unrelated to the actual house purchase process, but solely down to you trying to rush it because of your rental situation... Years of living in a home you own.

xylophone

Our solicitor seems to think the seller's solicitor is trying to hide the fact that one of them doesn't want to sell.

I honestly can't see why your vendors' solicitor would want to do this.

I don't particularly like our solicitor either. He's rude and impulsive.

Perhaps the vendors' solicitor finds him difficult to deal with leading to mutual incomprehension?

How can you be uninterested in hundreds of thousands of pounds?

He could be so well off that your particular transaction is a mere trifle....or he's just inefficient, thoughtless, can't find the time.....or I suppose it's conceivable that he doesn't want to oblige the ex wife by getting on with it.

I can see why you are fed up - the daily commute, missing the pets, the emotional seesaw etc........ but it's a case of give up or put up?

ThePants999

I know this is too late to be useful, but unless there's some stuff you didn't tell us, you really didn't have to vacate your rented home on 13 January. If you'd said to your landlord, "really sorry but things have been held up and we can't leave yet", they would have been powerless to do anything except go through the court process to evict you, which would have taken weeks or months.

HomelessH

"Seriously not trying to knock you."

Wow.

I knew there would be some know it all who would have to come here just to point out the obvious without actually knowing the full details of our situation. Do you seriously think that we haven't for example thought about all the living accommodation arrangements? Firstly; we live in London and I work in central London which makes everything extremely expensive. But I'm primarily feeling depressed because I've had to temporarily give up my cats that I love more than anything so as to not stress them; NOT because I have to commute two hours but yes that does add to the stress. And yes, stress is known to actually kill people, but for gods sake you love to take things literally don't you.

Like I said, I know this process takes long and I was prepared to have to temporarily live somewhere. But to find out after four months and money having been spent, that there is no end in sight and I will not be getting my normal life back for who knows how long? I'm so sorry that me being depressed about this offended you. Jesus.

I'm sure your response to this will be to move out of London....

HomelessH

We asked for more time from the landlord but he did not want to extend, because his daughter who is pregnant, was moving in.

hb2

Yes, house buying/selling can be stressful, I think most of us have at least one 'horror story' but the strange things is that they never look as bad in hindsight.

In our case, after waiting several months for our vendors to find something to buy (and keeping our buyers waiting too) we finally got to the day we were supposed to exchange - only to discover that one of the vendors hadn't even signed the contract. And wasn't answering his phone. After several more weeks, I finally said that I would pull out if we hadn't exchanged by lunchtime the next day. I meant it at the time but, looking back, it would have been a silly thing to do.

We have been here for nearly 3 years now and are very happy. Even more so because we hope never to move again!

I agree with hazyjo, although I wouldn't have put it quite so bluntly, in that it really isn't worth ruining your health over OP. If you are really so badly upset by this, maybe a chat with your GP is a good idea?

Skiddaw1

HomelessH, I really don't think anyone is trying to have a snipe at you (and I'm certain no one is offended that you're depressed). It's a horrid situation to be in but I rather suspect that many of us on the board have either experienced similar horrors with house buying or can at least understand where you're coming from (being a fellow 'cat woman' I can absolutely understand why you're missing your cats so badly for example).


To be honest, I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say you're depressed. From your posts, it does appear that you're struggling with everything rather more than you should be and I do wonder if the events of the past months have (understandably) tipped you into proper depression. I'm really not wanting to offend you (and I'm glad you felt able to off-load to us here) but there's no shame in arranging to see your GP with a view to obtaining some additional help to get through this (as it could well go on in a similar vein for a while yet).


The only other thing I would say is that however hard it seems to believe right now, you WILL come out the other side and there really will come a time when this is but a distant memory....


(edited to say- posted at the same time as HB2)

hazyjo

HomelessH wrote: »

"Seriously not trying to knock you."

Wow.

I knew there would be some know it all who would have to come here just to point out the obvious without actually knowing the full details of our situation. Do you seriously think that we haven't for example thought about all the living accommodation arrangements? Firstly; we live in London and I work in central London which makes everything extremely expensive. But I'm primarily feeling depressed because I've had to temporarily give up my cats that I love more than anything so as to not stress them; NOT because I have to commute two hours but yes that does add to the stress. And yes, stress is known to actually kill people, but for gods sake you love to take things literally don't you.

Like I said, I know this process takes long and I was prepared to have to temporarily live somewhere. But to find out after four months and money having been spent, that there is no end in sight and I will not be getting my normal life back for who knows how long? I'm so sorry that me being depressed about this offended you. Jesus.

I'm sure your response to this will be to move out of London....

I work in central London myself with an hour and a half commute.

We only know the facts as you tell us. We're not psychic. I take people at face value. Your title and wording did say what I replied to. I did not presume anything.

I had to give up (temporarily) my two cats and live elsewhere. I know exactly how you feel. Especially as one of them had to be put to sleep (I took him to the vets) while I was living elsewhere.

Nothing offended me. Really have NO idea why you think that. Strange.

I guessed at nothing, but it's okay for you to guess at my response? Lovely.

You're obviously stressed - as we all are. I buried my FIL on Friday. I've also had a crap time of it. Please don't take YOUR stress out on me. You asked for experiences. I gave you mine, and tried to reassure you. I'm not one of the 'aww hugs, hun' brigade. Sorry if that makes you think I'm offended or unsympathetic.