Sort out finances after wife lost her job.

durzoblint

Pollycat wrote: »

You were both high earners.
You lived to that standard (a lot of people do).
You have realised that it's no longer a sustainable lifestyle.

You are both responsible for the state of your finances.
And both of you need to work together to sort out your financial problems.

Stop trying to take it all on yourself.
Why are you doing all this?
Why isn't your wife going through your (and her) statements to identify where all your joint money is going if she is at home?
Why isn't she looking at ways to cut your outgoings?
Why do you feel it is you that should 'set up some sales'?

As I said earlier, I can't work out if she's not bothered or you are wanting to solve this on your own (controlling?).

Her monthly outgoings are pretty clear, they come to about £480 and i pay that into her account at the beginning of every month so she doesn't default on her payments.

The challenge however is that after all the direct debits go out, i'm more or less in overdraft and there is no money to give her for "incidentals" like fuel for her car and personal stuff she needs. She's been putting those on her credit card and because its so easy to use, she's also been putting stuff she shouldn't on it also.

She's not had to list stuff on ebay before and a lot of stuff we could sell are electronics that she doesn't know about and therefore there is a risk she might sell them cheaper than they're worth.

I'm also not trying to put unnecessary pressure on her, she's already feeling down about not being able to secure a job, piling pressure on her about our financial troubles doesn't seem like a good idea.

kazwookie

Make her a list of items and price to list at on ebay she can save them to draft you can then check the listing over and submit to make it live.


She can also take the photos


Show her how to do the first one, watch her do the second one..

Pollycat

kazwookie wrote: »

Make her a list of items and price to list at on ebay she can save them to draft you can then check the listing over and submit to make it live.


She can also take the photos


Show her how to do the first one, watch her do the second one..

^^^^ my thoughts exactly.
I'd never sold on eBay until less than 15 months ago.
I find it time consuming to take the photos, uploaded them, research the right price, do a good description.
The OP's OH could do this during the day and the OP check the listings out before making them live.

As for not putting pressure on her, she's contributed to the debt.
That's a fact.
If you hadn't started this 'I can't afford it', how long would she have continued to look for a job at the same grade and money?
And how long would you both have said 'no point in applying for benefits because I earn too much'?
You don't need to put pressure on her.
Just expect her to do her bit to help get her out of your financial problems.

onwards&upwards

PasturesNew wrote: »

I always say "think/live like you're on the dole", which for a single person is about £70/week for all bills.

So, if you were on the dole, what'd have to go? Some things I accept you're legally bound into (e.g. timeshare), but there's a lot in the list that can be immediately shaved off your activities/lifestyle list.



None of those are in my lifestyle - and most will never, ever, be.
Ergo: these are unnecessary and can be dropped.

There's £880 sliding out of your pocket every month.

You don’t wear clothes?

Sugarplum634

Two things. It's YOUR FAMILY debt. Both of you. There is no point in being cautious, selling all your stuff on ebay if she is still spending. Talk to her. Get her on board.



Second: To the person talking about "being on the dole" yeah it's 2020. It's welfare benefits these days. No one doles anything out if you just put out your hand. Let's not be insulting to people who are in receipt of benefits or unable to work due to ill health.

Notnewnotold

I'm not going to comment on the specifics of the SOA other than to say that your net income is basically the same as my wife's was when I was made redundant a few years ago. Which (depending on what pension or other deductions you have in addition to tax) suggests you are grossing over 100k annually.

First thing she did was pack me off down the dole office, not that I needed a lot of persuading - basically free money for 6 months. Sell it as a tax rebate to your wife if you must, but hopefully it will be a bit of a reality check. And from your other post, it suggests she's not had any other income this tax year so the JSA won't be taxed - that's another £300 into the pot for you every month.

We were fortunate in that I was a high earner so we didn't have any debts, but ultimately my wife's attitude was exactly as others has mentioned - live like you're on the dole (well I was! For the first 6 months anyway). We still had a very good standard of living, and no reason you have to live in penury either, with the right approach and a bit of budgeting.

She still wouldn't let me go to Lidl though, nonsense I know but otherwise I can't fault her MSE attitude

theoretica

durzoblint wrote: »

The challenge however is that after all the direct debits go out, i'm more or less in overdraft and there is no money to give her for "incidentals" like fuel for her car and personal stuff she needs.

You don't have your overdraft on the SOA - that needs to be included (at its largest during the month). But more than that, your direct debits look like they should add up to several hundred less than your income so something seems off. Your income figure is correct for your take home pay after all tax, pension etc?

durzoblint

theoretica wrote: »

You don't have your overdraft on the SOA - that needs to be included (at its largest during the month). But more than that, your direct debits look like they should add up to several hundred less than your income so something seems off. Your income figure is correct for your take home pay after all tax, pension etc?

Thanks for steering me in the right direction. Yes, its the overdraft that was missing! i kept wondering why it showed i had money left over when i didn't.

I just realised my wife had not been honest about her credit card debt, its actually a couple of thousand pounds more than she previously told me (i'm still trying to get her to show me the statements). She has an interview scheduled at the jobcentre for her JSA next week, so hopefully once that starts getting paid we can cut up the credit cards.

PasturesNew

onwards&upwards wrote: »

You don’t wear clothes?

Round the house comfy leggings and big baggy T shirts, to "save good clothes" for leaving the house.... "good clothes" have tended to be the occasional charity shop purchase for the last 15+ years.

Underwear is new (worn until it dies), socks are new. I did buy a new nightie (£7 at Primark) just before Xmas, my first for probably 30 years as I've worn baggy T shirts.

Pollycat

durzoblint wrote: »

Thanks for steering me in the right direction. Yes, its the overdraft that was missing! i kept wondering why it showed i had money left over when i didn't.

I just realised my wife had not been honest about her credit card debt, its actually a couple of thousand pounds more than she previously told me (i'm still trying to get her to show me the statements).
She has an interview scheduled at the jobcentre for her JSA next week, so hopefully once that starts getting paid we can cut up the credit cards.

Oh dear.
I feel you are taking this much more seriously than your wife is.