Secondary School and Boys....oh god.

flanker6

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Pregnant 14 year olds are very rare, teenage pregnancy rates are actually going down.

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Not that rare. Our school has ot least one schoolchild pregnant each year - admittedly not in Year 7.


But, you can give the "talk", explain the consequences and only hope that your child is grounded, and responsible, enough to act accordingly.


Unfortunately, the minority are not!

pickledonionspaceraider

That is the thing. You (the general 'you') cannot be hovering for every choice another person makes. Even a teenager.

All you can do is provide good information.

D_M_E

Think that, by mostly saying NO the child will tend to be resentful and have secret relationships which may well take an unwanted path.

He wants her round his place, by the sounds of what has been written alone, just the two of them there together and this would make me suspicious.

Can he not come round to yours for a few hours so everyone gets to meet/see him and see how he acts with her?

dekaspace

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

At this point I'm going to put out a plea for those of us bringing up boys to teach them that no means No means NO! AND life lessons from the Archers: Never Sleep With Your Brother's Girlfriend, It Will End In Tears.

There were times when I felt relieved not to have to worry about mine getting pregnant, but I did my best to communicate that I really didn't want them to get anyone else pregnant either, and if they managed it, they WOULD be accountable - facing up to maintenance reponsibilities if nothing else!

And I really HATED the attitude I was brought up with: that 'nice' girls say no, and felt compelled to say once or twice that if that was the case, 'nice' boys shouldn't ask!

Mine (boys, as you'll have gathered) seemed to be late developers, or didn't advertise their relationships, but I think /hope the basic respect for relationships was drilled into them.

We should teach BOTH genders no means no. We should not gender stereotype else we end up with situations like when a man says no such as in a relationship he is assumed to be cheating because of the idea that all mean want sex all the time, a gender stereotype.

I'm all for maintenance responsibilities if the father has equal rights about raising a child, it happened to someone close to me one their partner died and they weren't married and the maternal grandparents put in a dispute, another was a MAN who was victim of domestic violence which was witnessed by many people in public various times and the partner was signed off due to the violence and even banned from GP's, he left her due to the violence and she claimed he was the abuser and social work sided with her without proof.

Gavin83

Socajam wrote: »

And with the unplanned pregnancy she will be in a home for unwed mothers and bear the consequences of her actions.
I am not going out to work every day to support a 15 year old CHILD, who seems to think that she is old enough to have sex and is a woman - it will not happen in my household.
If she thinks that she is old enough to have a boyfriend, have sex and all that comes with it after my sitting her down and explaining the consequences, then she is welcome, but find somewhere else to live.

Ignoring your backward view for a minute you do realise that's illegal right? You can't just kick out a minor, it's abandonment. You'd get into some pretty serious trouble for doing so.

flanker6

Socajam wrote: »

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Say, what you want about the 50s, but my house my rules.

Having the morals of the "50s decade" is a compliment!
Societal standards seem to be in decline and rights have been given without responsibility.

onwards&upwards

flanker6 wrote: »

Not that rare. Our school has ot least one schoolchild pregnant each year - admittedly not in Year 7.


But, you can give the "talk", explain the consequences and only hope that your child is grounded, and responsible, enough to act accordingly.


Unfortunately, the minority are not!

Here’s a link to the most recent figures (2017)


“The trend for women aged under 16 years is very similar. Compared with the previous year, the number of conceptions to women aged under 16 years decreased to 2,517 in 2017; a fall of 10.8%. The conception rate also decreased, by 12.9%, to 2.7 conceptions per thousand women aged under 16 years.

Both the under-16 conception number and rate have decreased every year since 2007. Over this 10-year period the number of conceptions has decreased by 69.3% and the conception rate has decreased by 66.7%. The majority (73.3%) of under-16 conceptions in 2017 were to women aged 15 years. This percentage has remained relatively stable over the past 20 years.”

Madmel

Ok I'll bite.

DD1 had her first boyfriend when she was in year 9, so a bit older than the OP's DD. I work(ed) p/t in the school and knew him before DD did as I taught him in year 8. He actually came and asked my permission before he asked DD out. Their 1st date was at the cinema at lunchtime on a Saturday. We asked her about the film afterwards and I think they spent most of it kissing! His mum & dad are lovely and all 4 parents said that we were way too young to be grandparents. We trusted them and they didn't do anything more than a bit of groping and kissing. His parents did emphasise that it was illegal. After DD dumped him 6 months down the line, he didn't speak to her for a few years but was always lovely to me and DD2. Now they are both 20/21, they still get on when they meet up. DD's first experience of sex was when she was 18, and onto her 3rd boyfriend.

OP, I have a year 7 tutor group. I would invite the lad in question round after school and have a meal together. You'll get an idea of what he's like. Keep it light and friendly. I think if you threaten all sorts, your DD will shut you out, which is not what you want.

I'm still too young (at heart) to be a granny...

Savvy_Sue

Spendless wrote: »

BTW- Not quoting, since several others already have but do mother and baby homes even exist in this country anymore?

Yes, although not many, and normally just being pregnant wouldn't make your needs high enough to get a place in one.

shiny76

neneromanova wrote: »

DD1 has a boyfriend now and wants to go to his house to "hang out"

Doesn't sound too unreasonable... IF his parent(s) will be there. Less chance of things getting 'out of hand'.

Those saying they're too young to be interested in sex appear to have the same mindset as my mum. Which is what led to my brothers first time being at the age of 12.