Secondary School and Boys....oh god.

neneromanova

Sorry, this is going to be gobbeldy gook as I'm just writing it as it comes to my head.

Well I knew this day would come one day but now we're here I realise how unprepared I am for it!

DD1 is now in Year 7. Mixed school. She's loving it after being VERY nervous before starting. But now boys are on the scene. In primary school she never really bothered with them. Ok she had "boyfriends" but we're talking about going out for a couple of days then nothing else happening. You know, Primary school stuff. But now it just seems all the rage to get a boyfriend.

I went to an all girls school so never really cared about boys. But DD1 has a boyfriend now and wants to go to his house to "hang out". I don't know if this is me being overly protective but all I can think about is they're going to get it on. I've said no up until now, but now her boyfriend is saying why don't they meet up in town with one of their parents to say hi then they can go back to his. But I just don't know.

Am I being over protective? What would you do in this instance? She doesn't want to invite him home here as her brother and sister "are soooooo annoying" and she shares a room with her sister. Our extension should be started soon so I said why not wait til then and she said OK. But it sounds like this boy is really pushing for her to go to his house as she asked again this morning.

HELP!!! :rotfl:

theoretica

About half of humans are male and she (and you) will need to learn to deal with this. Practice at this before rampaging hormones hits seems like it can only be a good thing - assuming hormones haven't particularly hit her yet.

neneromanova

I think they hit about 6 months ago. But as she's my first, I don't know :rofl:

But what I'm asking, is how do you deal with it. I've told her the first time you have sex you can get pregnant so you need to be careful. We're both very open about things like that which is good.

Blackpool_Saver

whatever you do, don't become someone she is afraid to confide in, you will lose track of everything that is going on then

onwards&upwards

So she’s either 11 or 12? And you’re worrying about them ‘getting it on’? Yes I think you are overreacting!

They are probably just very good friends who have maybe had a few snogs! Facilitate the friendship, be involved, have him round for tea, drive them to the cinema, just make sure they are appropriately supervised and that you and your daughter have really good communication between you about age appropriate relationships, safe sex, contraception etc. So that when she is starting to think about those things she is well prepared and can confide in you.

It’ll probably only last a few weeks anyway at that age!

onwards&upwards

Oh and get some books/leaflets etc. on the subject, so that if there is stuff you miss in your conversations or that she doesn’t come to you with, she can get answers and info easily.

There are always new myths and misconceptions going round as well as the usual old wives tales so it’d be good for her to have literature that gives her the truth.

ska_lover

I think you are over worrying.

All you can do is give her the information and tbh s.e.x is pretty terrifying when you first hear about it - well it was for me, I remember thinking !!!!!!

I had a boyfriend at 13, and he used to come hang out when my parents were at work- with their consent- nothing ever happened in that sense other than a quick snog (same as at school in the 'play'ground)....mainly listening to records (showing my age now) and looking at magazines

I would have been far to terrified to do the deed at that age and I dont know any other of my peer group that did at age 13 ish

Spendless

Many yr7 girls go through this. It will calm down before long. The older Secondary school years (yrs10-11) are something else though!

CRANKY40

I was going to say the same as Spendless. My son is in year 10 and some of the things he tells me about his friends are a bit "interesting".

Best quote so far.... "they (school after a PHSE session) don't need to tell them not to send rude photos to perverts mum, they're all too busy sending them to each other. Speaking of which, if she has a mobile phone, checking it now and then is no bad thing.

HRH_MUngo

My son is almost 40, so it's been a long time since I've had to even think about this but IMHO....she is far too young to have a 'boyfriend'. Having a friend who is a boy is fine and I would let her go to his house providing you have met his parents and you agree together on what is acceptable. Preferably, though, say they can come to yours.

(And also providing he is not in year 13!).

Mojisola

neneromanova wrote: »

DD1 is now in Year 7.

But DD1 has a boyfriend now and wants to go to his house to "hang out".

What would you do in this instance? She doesn't want to invite him home here as her brother and sister "are soooooo annoying" and she shares a room with her sister. Our extension should be started soon so I said why not wait til then and she said OK. But it sounds like this boy is really pushing for her to go to his house as she asked again this morning.

HRH_MUngo wrote: »

Preferably, though, say they can come to yours.

I'd want to see him at ours first. Are there any times when the siblings are out at clubs or playing with friends when he could come round?

I'd also be having a few talks with daughter about not giving in to people when they put pressure on you to do something you're not happy with or can't do.