Girl is obsessed with me- how to leave her?

kyusho

Hi all,

I really need some help and I don't know where else to get some good advise on the following other than this forum.

I've recently met a girl off an online dating app. She is very clever, good looking and we hit it off immediately. We've only been seeing each other for 1 month, but already she seems to have become obsessed with me and has professed that she's in love with me.

She literally won't leave me alone, and I feel suffocated by her. We're not in a "relationship", although she asked me to be but I didn't feel ready and just wanted to continue "seeing how things went". Everything I do or say she seems to obsess over, she constantly thinks I'm seeing other girls, even when I'm not and monitors my location all the time on the dating app (so much so I've actually blocked her on it).

I've tried breaking it off with her before, but for whatever reason I stupidly ended up seeing her again after she agreed to be less obsessive. But it hasn't worked, she's even more obsessive now and its getting almost stalkerish. I couldn't see her recently because I was unwell and she bought a load of cold and flu stuff and insisted on dropping it off on my doorstep even when I begged her not to and didn't want to see her (I think she thought I was seeing another girl and insisted on bringing it over!).

The thing is, I think she's in a fragile state (which could explain why she's so obsessed with me?) and I actually do really care about her, but I need to end things with this girl- her behaviour is making me really anxious but I don't want to hurt her.

What can I do? I'd appreciate any advise :huh:

74jax

Call her and tell her it's over or ask her to come round and tell her it's over. You've been seeing her a month, I don't get the issue?

Block her, don't contact her.

You are leading her on. You have already broken it off and then got back together. If you do it again she won't believe you. You have to finish it and mean it.

Move on.

breaking_free

kyusho wrote: »

Hi all,
I stupidly ended up seeing her again after she agreed to be less obsessive. But it hasn't worked, she's even more obsessive now and its getting almost stalkerish.

There's no "getting almost stalkerish" about it. She IS stalking you.
No ifs, no buts, you need to break up with this lady (as nicely as you can) then block her completely. A simple "This isn't working out for me and I won't be seeing you any more" is enough words - then block.

heatherw_01

You say you have been seeing her a month but then that you aren't in a relationship?
Either way break it off or clarify you aren't seeing each other whichever it is.


She is stalking you and it is not remotely healthy to keep seeing her when you know it's happening and you even got back with her before.

kyusho

Thanks everyone, I've messaged her on WhatsApp (had about 4 missed calls and loads of messages in a small space of time from her) explaining that we don't match and won't be seeing each other again. I've also blocked her but she's texted me instead, can't seem to be able to block her number from doing that on my phone.

Anyway I hope this is the end of it, I feel a weight lifted off my mind already. Thanks.

[Deleted User]

I think you have to be cruel to be kind. Better in the long run.
Just absolutely say there is no spark
Or
Become less loving, you've only got an hour, instead of wanting to talk produce a box of you know what - sound really self centred, bit of a liar and only after one thing - works a trick if a girl is put off by this kind of behaviour. The last time a guy acted like this I told him I was ok to be casual and happily waved him off, regardless of emotions as I felt it intimidating and just had a bad feeling about the guy based on behaviour...

(Never heard from again) phew :T

Years ago I went on a date with a guy (who did totally the right thing) on the bipolar spectrum (or it may have been autism he had I can't quite remember) who had no hesitation as the blind date drew to a close that there was nothing there in terms of instant attraction so please do rely wholly on fragile state to be keeping up such facade.

Claddagh_Noir

Yes, let's hope she gets the message, literally. It is just a shame she knows where you live! I hope she doesn't do the cliche thing by saying she's knocked up. I hope you were careful there.

NaughtiusMaximus

Deleted%20User wrote: »

I think you have to be cruel to be kind. Better in the long run.
Just absolutely say there is no spark

^^^^
This.

Deleted%20User wrote: »

Or
Become less loving, you've only got an hour, instead of wanting to talk produce a box of you know what - sound really self centred, bit of a liar and only after one thing - works a trick if a girl is put off by this kind of behaviour.

^^^^^^^
NOT this.

Setting aside for a moment the fact it's a cowardly, crappy way to end a relationship (or notrelationship in this instance), it may not even have the desired effect anyway. While that technique would work if the other party was thinking rationally, her obsessive stalking behaviour suggests she isn't.

onwards&upwards

Some posters don’t seem to understand how serious stalking is.

Someone you are dating being overly keen is not stalking. Stalking is terrifying, and stalkers are very dangerous people.

[Deleted User]

Deleted%20User wrote: »

...
Become less loving, you've only got an hour, instead of wanting to talk produce a box of you know what - sound really self centred, bit of a liar and only after one thing - works a trick if a girl is put off by this kind of behaviour. The last time a guy acted like this I told him I was ok to be casual and happily waved him off, regardless of emotions as I felt it intimidating and just had a bad feeling about the guy based on behaviour...

.....

Some girls like 'Bad Boys'.

NaughtiusMaximus

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Some posters don’t seem to understand how serious stalking is.

Someone you are dating being overly keen is not stalking. Stalking is terrifying, and stalkers are very dangerous people.

Stalking behaviour covers a very wide range of actions, constantly tracking a person's location as the OP mentioned definitely qualifies at the milder end of the spectrum.