Keep calm and carry on....

South_coast

Very thought-provoking comments ladies, and something I will ponder on. Caz, I think you've summed it up exactly here:

coldcazzie said:

Saying that we're choosing where we spend money (or don't) is coming at it from a different perspective, and of course it then also allows for a shift of priorities if something comes along that is suddenly important, and we want to choose that as well.

It is all about choice and it's my money that I've worked hard for and I'm going to spend it how I want to! But that doesn't mean it's forever!

Bargainhunter30

Some people are just too lazy, cant be bothered trying or just don't know how to save money on buying things. 

The only thing I've ever spent excessively on is holidays and I've travelled a lot in the last 20 years. However you can do it in a MSE way and find the bargains whilst still having amazing holidays. Plus it's been one of my only luxuries and I save in other areas like not drinking at home, sky tv, clothes shopping. I think it's all about priorities and when people say they cant afford something you can, it's usually because they've spent the money on something they wanted!

V8D

I agree with everyone else about it being about priorities generally. There are people who do not have enough to live on, though.

Jessy103

All very true guys! BF's son turned 13 today and has shown an interest when I talk about savings and mortgages. I want to desperately teach him everything I have learnt over the past few years on MSE and MFW forum so that he is some way prepared for adulthood but at the same time I don't want to scare the bejesus out of him. Life and dealing with money can be difficult, as V8D says, there's many people out there who don't have enough to live on. The cost of living compared to wages is shocking and I think coming more to light now in our current situation, with the SSP  being what, £90-100 a week. There's no way I could pay my bills for the month with that!

South_coast

Definitely. That's the type of household I grew up in and I think that's probably had more of an impact on me as an adult than I realise. "Holiday" was not a word which was in the vocabulary and branded squash was a treat bought at Christmas only. But when I got my 50p a week pocket money from my grandparents I squirreled it away most weeks so that I too could buy gifts at Christmas. 

Listen to me reminiscing, I sound like a real Charlie Bucket! My point is, I always needed to make the most out of what I had, and if I wanted to squander my pocket money on sweets then that was fine but I'd need to wait until next week before I could get something else that I might have wanted more. It's exactly the same with a monthly salary, there's only so much of it and it's a finite figure that you need to allocate to best serve what you need in the long-term. That kind of patience, resourcefulness and a bit of creative thinking are all part of the MFW journey I think. 

Grogged

I think there is a big disconnect between lifestyle and money, which sounds obvious if your reading this, but not if you're not MSE.
What I mean by that is people focus on their lifestyle and how it measures up to who they know and who they aspire to be (thanks magazines and tv 😕).
They don't tend to do this with money unless it's in the pursuit of their lifestyle.  They then get defensive when challenged, either directly when they complain or indirectly when they're denied something they feel entitled to, like a holiday, night out, etc.

At a simple level my parents involved me with money decisions - we can afford this or this, but not both. The mantra was you can only spend the pound once. We did the same with DD. So growing up we had an awareness of money so were ready when given pocket money. The importance of pocket money grew as later on we had to buy presents, clothes, etc. Which taught budgeting.

Glad I got that off my chest! 😂

South_coast

I do seem to have started a bit of a group catharsis here, don't I 😂! I do think the media (mainstream and social) has a big part to play in people feeling as though they need to compare with others. There is a great line in this song which I think explains it well: 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zPNw_2h0CnU

"If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor"

As a kid, I wasn't really conscious of the fact we were skint until I went to my friends' houses and realised they were very different. Now, kids (and their parents) have a constant stream of comparison coming at them so it's rammed down their throats that the other way is correct and they have "poor credit" cards and places like Bright House (😠) to facilitate that and get them into a lifetime of obligation. In my work, I frequently meet people who are clearly struggling but who have so much stuff they can't possibly need! 

That's what I hope this coronavirus situation will bring us as a nation: Clarity about what really matters, a greater appreciation of what we've got and a bit of contentment x

Grogged

Very cathartic!😁

I feel for those Bright House customers given the news they're about to fail...

Like you I really hope we'll all come out of it as a nicer society.
:fingers crossed:

V8D

Interesting re. the household we grew up in affecting how we deal with money. I think it does and I think habits are to an extent passed on.

My family didn't have a lot but weren't really "poor", always plenty of food on the table but know I have had things a lot easier in my adult life than they had. Both parents worked (in what would be considered unskilled jobs) and for the first 8 or so years of my life lived in rental properties before buying a small terraced house which they ended up selling out of necessity and they are now in a sheltered bungalow. I say they weren't really poor as travel was (and still is) my parents' priority. I travelled the world with them when I was growing up - they always managed and still do find money for holidays! BUT they grow their own food, walk practically everywhere under about 3.5miles away from where they live and there was very little money for the type of tat kids tend to want when they are young. My childhood was seeing the world and dog walking. Some school friends who lived in much bigger houses and with much newer cars on the drive were intensely jealous of our holidays and I was often told they wished their parents could afford the type of holidays we went on several times per year whilst at the same time being very conscious my parents didn't have the type of income that my friend's parents had (who worked in skilled / graduate level professions). What passed them by is I got very few things for birthdays / Christmas, they had large houses and in some cases when to a fee paying school. Again all down to priorities and the level of income that was coming into the household.

I completely agree that the current generation will have a hard time distinguishing between what's put on instagram and what's the real situation. As a teenager, I could have quite easily done a "rich kids of instagram" type account filled with holiday picks of some stunning destinations around the world, leaving out the (quite literally) falling apart mid-terrace which was home.

Whilst I've not had much of a penchant in my adult life for travelling the world (although that might be because I have some trouble motivating my husband to even go to Cornwall 😂), I do enjoy spending money and could have been in a much better position had my parents instilled me with a frugal attitude instead of a "you can do anything" attitude. 

badmemory

Holidays are great, but what is the point in flying all the way to Cuba, it's a very long flight, transferring to the hotel & staying there for 2 weeks.  I can understand after doing it once, but to do it on the first time.  I've asked a few people who've been what did you think of Havana, did you see them rolling cigars?  Why not just go to southern Spain.  Just fro the bragging rights I suppose.