2020++ - smiling and waving and looking so fine

mark55man

My and OH extended friendship group has a number of pushy parents - it works up to a point then it doesn't and when it breaks the lifelong damage is real.  You need to grow a whole human, not just an achievement driven one - yeah don't be a complete softy  but its about channelling the desires they do have not imposing yours on them.  Although you have to help with what's important and what's not 

Humdinger1

Yup pushy parents round the corner from us; all their eldest son was ever allowed to do was homework and cricket.  It got him to a prestigious uni reading maths.  He dropped out at the end of his first year; as the parents said,  what  could they do with him aged 19... insisting was no longer an option. They realised that his happiness hadn't been a high enough priority.  He's now working happily as a chef..a
worthwhile career that allows him to have a life too.  Growing the whole person is exactly right @mark55man

alt80

@mark55man / @Humdinger1 thanks, it's definitely not easy. Most of us are just trying our best and don't always get it right. I know they mean well tbf I used to avoid spending time with my boy as I thought that best for him, it's not, I know that now. It was an acknowledgement of the idea of growing a whole human and thinking how can a !!!!!! up like me achieve that which led me to try to avoid spending time with my family in the first place.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

I know a few pushy parents and never see the point.  We're firm with ours and don't want them to be wasters, but we're supportive in anything they want to do.  I guess private education attracts more pushiness as it's costing the parents a fortune and they want to see a return

mark55man

355 days to R day

Re-joined the gym yesterday, and then when my 4:30 slot came round I got distracted by a work call and missed my slot (had an evening out planned).  So not a great start - but its sunny at the moment so I will go out for a walk this morning and a longer slot in the evening when OH is at a charity thing,

Haven't looked at my weight for a few weeks, but feels like maintaining.

Have a good weekend all - am going to try and get some chores done this weekend - only 5 weeks to Xmas and there is a lot to do!!

savingholmes

Good luck with the chores, steps and weight

mark55man

Just done some more number crunching and calendar scrutineering,

I was at 355 days to R days - but that included bank holidays and vacation - so between now and R Day I have 45 days holiday and 15 bank holidays until early May 2024 which seems to be the date where everything aligns with myself and OH and pots of money needed.  A giant inconvenience not being actually mortgage free but I have a pot set aside.

So in a massive change of approach I am now counting 295 actual working days to R Day.  Every full working week will be 1.5% of that total.  I can live with that.

alt80

Great to hear you’ve rejoined the gym. Hope you managed to get there yesterday, make it a part of life and going becomes more routine over time. 

I assume you will be aiming to get the mortgage neutral pot to balance by the point of your retirement? Possibly a word with your employer about perhaps easing into retirement say from May 2024 through 2025? I have had a few old boys do that not necessarily for financial reasons but to get used to no longer working. Some find it easier than others, I had one stay until Covid doing a day or two a week as he found he enjoyed working a little. Still speak from time to time now but he’s got used to full retirement. Had others that just stopped working and took to it straight away. I don’t think I could completely retire though tbh never had much else going on in my life than business. 

@ohdearhowdidthathappen 100% from our experience tbh they just want the best for their kids and see that ‘return’ as being what is ultimately best for them, also a cultural thing with some too. I've been there with trying to avoid my family, thinking it’s what’s best for them, and as a family we've wound up dealing with it and a load of other things in therapy. 

Actually think everyone should be offered therapy during different stages of life, it's something I've wound up spending a lot of money on and needed but my wife who didn't have the issues I did is also in therapy and it's changed her outlook in life in a beautiful way. No doubt we are both better parents now for being in therapy. 

mark55man

Thanks Alt

I already have the MN pot a little above what I will need in May 24.  The only complication is managing the withdrawals from the different pots of money, 

For me May 24 is my end date, and although I have toyed with the idea of a longer more part time, in my heart of hearts I'm not looking to go part time and then drift off, for me it will be full time at work, then full time at home.  Then I will rely on my spreadsheet to keep me out of trouble financially, and my hobbies, and the decade of lost maintenance to catch up on!!

savingholmes

Good that everything is aligned Mark. 

@alt80 agree that therapy can majorly improve / smooth life.