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I can’t stop crying.



  • KiKi
    KiKi Posts: 5,377 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    I know how you feel. I lost my two in 2017 and 2018, after 16 and 17 years. They were my life and I was utterly devastated. I had them both privately cremated, and their ashes returned in beautiful wooden, carved cat-shaped urns. I cried for days over both of them, and used to talk in the direction of their urns for the longest time.

    I had a small portion of both their ashes turned into jewellery; one into a ring, and the other into a necklace, with their names inscribed inside / on the back. (I used ashesintoglass.co.uk)

    It does get better, I promise. I still can't talk about either of them without crying, so I don't.

    Around a month after losing the second cat, I saw two cats being advertised in a shelter about 2 hours from me. They had been there two years. **Two years** - because they're black and white and no-one wants boring cats like that. Also, one of them was shy to a degree of not being normal, and would need a very dedicated owner who was prepared to put in a lot of work, and they'd had no-one prepared to do that. I wasn't ready for more cats - the idea of going through that ever again was so awful. But before I knew it, I'd phoned to ask about them, found myself at the shelter, and couldn't bear to leave them in that tiny space. Six weeks after losing my second cat, I had the two new cats with me.

    It was the hardest few months I've ever had because of their developmental needs and behaviour issues (caused by trauma and lack of socialisation) and I felt so so guilty about my previous two cats, but actually it was great therapy for me in the end. And now I love them both so so much.

    I'm not saying get more cats! But things can change quickly, and in time you may find yourself ready for more. For me, it was actually good to have more cats quickly to channel my energy and love into. Not sure I'd have coped well without them, in retrospect.

    Lots of love and virtual hugs to you. I do know exactly how you feel.
    ' <-- See that? It's called an apostrophe. It does not mean "hey, look out, here comes an S".
  • gettingtheresometime
    I'm another one for why would you not cry.... they may have 4 legs & covered in fur but they're as much part of the family as those with 2 legs.

    We lost our dog suddenly back in June and yes for the first couple of weeks the pain was unbelievable....if you'd said that I'd be like that over a dog I wouldn't have believed you.

    But it does get easier & you will be able to talk about him without crying.

    You just have to give yourself time to grieve. Be kind to yourself in the meantime.
  • SurgicalA
    All I can think about is the days where I didn’t want him in my room or got annoyed at him for being in the way.

    I wish I knew much sooner that he was gonna no longer be with us. I hate myself so much and I just wanna hug him so tight.

    I would always give him chicken slices and he loved it. I just feel like as much as I loved him, he didnt feel that, and I wish I could have just one more day with him :’/

    If I have learnt any lesson, it’s to never take anything for granted. Because you never realise what you have until it’s gone.

    But regardless of what I’ve learnt, it’s not gonna bring him back. And I would give anything for that.

    What hurts the most is not knowing if the right choice was made putting him down. The vet did an ultrasound scan & found he had an enlarged heart with a tumour growing on it. They said he had about 2 months. But all I can think about is What if they were wrong. He was so strong to survive such a long time. Why 2 months :’/
  • KxMx
    KxMx Posts: 10,636 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Of course there is a small chance the Vet was wrong, but they were obviously confident enough in their diagnosis to offer you the choice of what to do. A tumour on the heart sounds serious and not something easily mistaken for a minor condition.

    As with people, often the time left is a guess which may or may not be correct. My late Uncle was given 3 weeks with terminal cancer, he died the day after being given that timeframe.

    You mentioned he was sick for a long time, and had a sudden period of deterioration, chances are he was nearing the final stage of his life where he would have started to suffer. Going off his food as well means he must have been feeling very poorly.

    As hard as it is you did he right thing for him.

    I went through similar with my late cat in April, she had small cell lymphoma (cancer of the blood). I think about her every day and still have some bad times. I also have some smiles too now when I think about her antics.

    Take it day by day or even hour by hour if you have too, and cry when you feel the need, that is a natural and healthy part of grief.
  • Deep_In_Debt
    I'm so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain.

    I lost one of my elderly ladies in 2017 - she was 16 and died peacefully in her sleep. I didn't even know anything was wrong with her as she had been happy and eating a few hours before. Her sister passed in 2018 and I missed and still miss her a lot. She had a rare cancer and the vets were unsure as to how long she had. After the diagnosis, I took her home and within a month she had rapidly declined so I made the decision to have her pts. They were both rescues and had a poor start in life but I did the best I could for them.

    I did rescue a couple of 1 year old cats last year. Another pair of sisters who had a terrible start in life. They have not replaced my other cats as they are very different but they have filled a cat shaped hole and I love them dearly and hope to have many years with them.

    I still miss my other cats and think about them a lot and I have both their ashes and still shed a tear from time to time but mostly I now think of the good times and their funny, quirky ways.
    Debt 30k in 2008.:eek::o Cleared all my debt in 2013 and loving being debt free :)
    Mortgage free since 2014 :)
  • gettingtheresometime
    SurgicalA wrote: »

    What hurts the most is not knowing if the right choice was made putting him down. The vet did an ultrasound scan & found he had an enlarged heart with a tumour growing on it. They said he had about 2 months. But all I can think about is What if they were wrong. He was so strong to survive such a long time. Why 2 months :’/

    I always said when the time came to make the call I would.....& I did although as it happened he died before the vet could do the deed.

    I always think it's the last act of kindness a pet owner can do for their pet....would looking at it like that help?
  • hb2
    hb2 Posts: 1,399 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper
    I lost my lovely, 3 legged, ginger boy at the age of 19 and, in my darkest moments, questioned whether I had done the right thing. Could he have tolerated more treatment? Did I say 'goodbye' too soon? Someone said to me 'Better a day too soon than an hour too late' and it helped me to see that I had saved him from suffering as the end result was going to be the same. An extra day wouldn't have made my grief any less and would have put my darling boy through more distress.

    As 'gettingtheresometime' says, letting them go gently is the last, loving thing we can do for our precious companions.
    It's not difficult!
    'Wander' - to walk or move in a leisurely manner.
    'Wonder' - to feel curious.
  • Katiehound
    Katiehound Posts: 7,698 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    What hurts the most is not knowing if the right choice was made putting him down. The vet did an ultrasound scan & found he had an enlarged heart with a tumour growing on it. They said he had about 2 months. But all I can think about is What if they were wrong. He was so strong to survive such a long time. Why 2 months :’/[/QUOTE]

    You have to get things in proportion.
    YES you made the right decision.

    Would you really really want a beloved pet to struggle for another 2 months, possibly in pain?
    No, of course you wouldn't

    We have that gift- we can let our beloved pets go without any extra pain, they just slip away. That's what being a responsible, caring owner means. We can try to prevent the suffering; better a day too early than a day too late.

    I took my beloved dog (she was the real Katie hound) while she still had the energy to walk to be pts. People told me she looked so well- as she ran in the field that morning . Better to go before she was unable to breathe. As a responsible pet owner that was the gift I could give her: a peaceful pain free ending.

    As I write this I am crying, my most special dog- it's now10 years later.
    Do I feel guilty? No. I did my best and that's all I could do.
    I just remember all the special things she did with me and am thankful that I got to be her owner.

    It's too raw for you now but time does heal, just be prepared for the tears............
    Being polite and pleasant doesn't cost anything! --
    Many thanks
    -Stash bust:in 2022:337
    Stash bust :2023. 120duvets, 24 bags, 43 dog coats, 2 scrunchies, 10 mittens, 6 bootees, 8 glass cases, 2 A6 notebooks, 59 cards, 6 lav bags,36 angels,9 bones, 1 knee blanket, 1 lined bag,3 owls, 88 pyramids = total 420 total spend £5. Total for 'Dogs for Good' £546.82

    2024:37 Doggy duvets,30 pyramids, 6 hottie covers, 4 knit hats,13 crochet angels,1 shopper, 87cards=178 £88.25 spent!!!
  • Jellybro
    I understand how you feel. I had to let my cat be put to sleep this afternoon. She was nearly 18. She was as fit as a fiddle until last week.... then she went down hill pretty fast.
    I feel very guilty, sad, shocked lost and tearful... all the same feelings we suffer in grief of a human loved one.... our pets are family xxx
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