I can’t stop crying.

in Pets & Pet Care
19 replies 1.9K views
I lost one of my pet cats 6 days ago after having to be put down, and literally bawled my eyes out ever since. He was sick for a long while but no vet ever got to the root cause, until the other day, when he deteriorated within a matter of 24 hours. You always assume there’s a treatment for everything. So I took him to the vet expecting him to come home with medication to try, but it wasn’t to be. After a quick consultation and an X-ray, they found out that he had an enlarged heart and picked up a Tumor on the heart, and he was struggling to breathe. Predicted 2 months to live. He was euthanised for the Xray and we had the choice before he fully woke up on what to do. The worst thing about having a pet is losing them, because you get so attached, and each pet is so unique in their own way.

Been at my lowest the past few days, just didn’t wanna be here anymore cuz of it. I just hope he’s up there now pain-free and happy. I just feel so guilty that I could have done more to give him a happier life. It was okay but not amazing. And that hurts like crazy. You gotta treat every day like its their last. I’ll never see him again, and it just isn’t fair :’L I wish I could turn back time to the days I was grumpy, and not take it out on him.

He was always breathing fast and so fatigue. The final few day’s he lost his appetite. I just remember him as being so unproblematic. Despite his struggles, he was so strong to manage it. Always laid at the top of the stairs in the same place every day, and not seeing him there now breaks my heart like crazy and it feels like I’m living in a nightmare and I’m waiting to wake up.


We are having him privately cremated but I just wish it was me and not him. I’m not sure I can see him as just dust compared to how amazing he was as whole. I miss him so much and I can’t stop crying or thinking about him. He was 5, just 5 years old. But he was an inspiration to just hang in there like he did.
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Replies

  • lindenslindens Forumite
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    I'm sorry for your loss
    Our pets mean a lot to us and comfort us in bad times. Think of all the good times you had with him, just the times day to day where you shared your life
    You're not your * could have not of * Debt not dept *
  • MovingForwardsMovingForwards Forumite
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    I'm sorry, unfortunately our furbabies are never with us long enough.

    I've been through it three times, each time hurt, but I felt comfort having them back home with me after the cremation. It took me a long time to get over each one, even now I would love just one more day, but it wouldn't be enough.

    Take each day as it comes, don't push yourself, one day it does get easier x
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Forumite
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    Hugs x

    What helped for me was the cremation website (which I only knew about after getting the ashes back I couldn’t stand hearing about it immediately afterwards at the time, a regret now) I didn’t realise there was more then the basic box - you can have necklace made so their always going to be with you.
  • Can you remember which website it is? :(
  • pickledonionspaceraiderpickledonionspaceraider Forumite
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    I know what you are saying

    Our elderly dog had cancer, diabetes, and mobility issues, arthritis. We spent a fortune on vets bills, insurance, medication

    The last few years were hard, two injections per day and had a large operation

    We did all we could for her.,, but there were still the pangs of guilt after - could we, should we have done more?

    But no, I don't think we could really.

    It is very hard

    Our dogs ashes were returned back to us in a sealed box with a brass plate with her name on

    We won't ever scatter them I don't think. She had her own 'spot' - that she used to sit in. Hubby put a shelf up there, and that is where she will stay

    She was a lovely dog. I don't think we will ever get another
    With love, POSR <3
  • lindenslindens Forumite
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    You can also have their ashes made into glass items - pendants , ornaments etc. there are some lovely things available - rainbows etc
    You're not your * could have not of * Debt not dept *
  • hb2hb2 Forumite
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    It's natural to grieve, you have lost an important member of your family. If the feelings are becoming overwhelming, you might want to consider the Blue Cross's bereavement support https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss
    It's not difficult!
    'Wander' - to walk or move in a leisurely manner.
    'Wonder' - to feel curious.
  • donnac2558donnac2558 Forumite
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    It is so hard but please remember what a happy long life he had.


    I have two of my cats' ashes in a box and always said when I go they will be put in with me. Don't think of him as dust in spirit he will still be with you at home.
  • KatiehoundKatiehound Forumite
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    I was also going to suggest the Blue Cross bereavement service- there is someone you can chat to.

    You have to grieve, your cat was an important part of your family, why would you not cry?There is no point thinking 'what if'- you did the best you could and you need to cling on to that thought. If a vet didn't diagnose the problem how could you?

    Sadly I've lost more dogs than I care to remember and even now, 10 years after I lost my most special dog, there are tears.
    Be kind to yourself
    Tell people about your cat
    Tell yourself that you did absolutely the kindest thing, he isn't suffering

    Now you need to concentrate on your other cats- they will (probably) be missing him- give them lots of cuddles.

    Take one day as it comes.
    take care
    Being polite and pleasant doesn't cost anything!
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  • Skiddaw1Skiddaw1 Forumite
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    SurgicalA wrote: »
    He was always breathing fast and so fatigue. The final few day’s he lost his appetite. I just remember him as being so unproblematic. Despite his struggles, he was so strong to manage it. Always laid at the top of the stairs in the same place every day, and not seeing him there now breaks my heart like crazy and it feels like I’m living in a nightmare and I’m waiting to wake up.


    We are having him privately cremated but I just wish it was me and not him. I’m not sure I can see him as just dust compared to how amazing he was as whole. I miss him so much and I can’t stop crying or thinking about him. He was 5, just 5 years old. But he was an inspiration to just hang in there like he did.


    Nothing can take away the pain but just wanted you to know that you're not alone... your post so reminded me of how we lost our dear boy a few years ago. He also had an enlarged heart and died of associated complications shortly after diagnosis (and like you, it was so hard to watch him struggling for breath and not wanting to eat in those last days :(). He was a little older than your boy but not by a great deal.



    We had him privately cremated and scattered his ashes in all his favorite places in the garden. I kept just a few of his ashes in a lovely wee pot and they came with us when we moved house recently. I cried every day for weeks after he died and saw him everywhere, but honestly, there will come a time when the grief will ease and all you'll remember is all the happy times you spent with him.


    If you can, when the time is right, offer a home (a lovely home :)) to another dear boy. That's what we did and our current boy (another rescue cat) knows he has a splendid Guardian Cat who brought him to us and who watches over him. One day we'll all be reunited at Rainbow Bridge...



    Big hugs....
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