Families growing at Christmas

Britannia12345

They're engaged so the new partner is part of the family now, but I have a tight budget so I guess I'll have to reduce the spending on our own child to buy a present for their fiance. It's either that or spend a bit extra to get a smaller present for the new partner.

VfM4meplse

Britannia12345 wrote: »

They're engaged so the new partner is part of the family now, but I have a tight budget so I guess I'll have to reduce the spending on our own child to buy a present for their fiance. It's either that or spend a bit extra to get a smaller present for the new partner.

If you have a tight budget, why would they want you to spend unnecessarily? Buy / make a token gift they can consume and enjoy.

Britannia12345

I've asked them what they'd rather I do and they said they'd prefer to have the money instead of presents. That leaves me in more of a quandry- do I give them the same as I'm spending on their siblings and they share it or do I add extra for the new partner? My mum said she's adding extra but says I should only give what I can afford. My husband thinks they should get the same amount as I'm spending on the others but they have to share it now they're a couple.
I'm really torn as to what to do - all this is so new to me!

Pollycat

Britannia12345 wrote: »

I've asked them what they'd rather I do and they said they'd prefer to have the money instead of presents. That leaves me in more of a quandry- do I give them the same as I'm spending on their siblings and they share it or do I add extra for the new partner? My mum said she's adding extra but says I should only give what I can afford. My husband thinks they should get the same amount as I'm spending on the others but they have to share it now they're a couple.
I'm really torn as to what to do - all this is so new to me!

It depends if you have the sort of family that will go off in a huff if they think one of their siblings has got something that they haven't.
You could go with your husband's suggestion and when the next sibling gets a partner, they have the same amount as the first couple.

I think you're in danger of making all of this very hard and life's too short to angst about how much money to give as a gift for Christmas.

Britannia12345 wrote: »

My mum said she's adding extra but says I should only give what I can afford.

Definitely only give what you can afford - to everyone you're buying for..
Anything else would be (imho) silly.
This is after all a money-saving website.

Britannia12345

I know, I feel like this is all getting stressful now whereas before I just chose presents and I was done. I want to do right by everyone but I don't want to set a precedent for future years that I'll feel obliged to keep up.
We aren't on our uppers at the moment but we're not exactly rolling in it either and I am a bit of a miser with money (had some very lean times in the past and I never want to have to go through that again if I can help it, hence me visiting the money saving site). I spend more on the younger kids than the older ones but now it looks likenthe expenditure for the older ones may have to go up again when they get partners unless I go with my husbands idea.

Sea_Shell

Wait till you have unequal grand-children added to the mix too.

We got £X one year (joint), sibling trousered 4 x £X.

dreaming

It isn't just when people "partner up" but when those partners have children too. The general rule in our family that we tend to buy a small gift for neices and nephews. When they have a partner (not just a boy/girlfriend but living together partner) then they get a "joint" present (some nice wine for example). Then if/when children are born the parents no longer get a gift but the child does. However on my birthday I received a card from my neice signed from her, her partner, and her partner's child from previous relationship. So I have decided to buy wine for the adults and send a small gidt to the child (a selection box or similar). I knew about the child before but this year was the first time to child's name was put on a card. It isn't so much the money as the gifts tend to be reasonable (and are budgetted for) but it's more the fact that I want to treat the child as part of the family, especially if neice and partner have a child of their own at some point.

bsuije

I would like to hope that your children would be understanding of your money situation and preferences, and be happy with whatever they get.

Do you know why they expressed a preference for cash? Are they in a tight situation financially, or do they just want to avoid you stressing out about getting the right present? Or maybe they want cash now so that they can get more value for money in the January sales?

If they are having financial difficulties, then perhaps you can allocate a bit more of the presents pot to them, if your other child(ren) are better off?

bsuije

I also meant to add - perhaps avoid thinking about them as "my own child" and "their partner"? They're engaged, so I would suggest viewing them as one unit. That way you can perhaps circumvent the maternal resistance that comes along with the thought of "taking away from my own child to give to their partner".

Britannia12345

I think they want cash to put towards something of their choosing as I have no idea what they would like.