Families growing at Christmas

Britannia12345

How do other posters deal with growing families? One of our adult children has a partner this year and I'm wondering how others deal with the extra expense.
Do you buy extra presents for the new family member on top of what you spend on your own child?
Do you spend the same amount as you would have done for your own child but split it between them?
This is all new to me so I'm really not sure what to do.

Sea_Shell

If it's a new relationship, I'd go token gift for now... then depending on how the relationship progresses you can buy joint gifts or split your budget between them.

My DH was still getting "token" gifts after 20 years of marriage, despite me getting numerous (relatively expensive) gifts.

It got quite embarrassing in the end, so we suggested knocking Adult presents on the head, rather than make a point about it. Saves on the shopping!!

thriftwizard

What I'd say, is ask them what they're expecting or would like to do. We now have two partners to buy for; the first year partners were on the scene, I checked with the individual DSs whether buying for their partners was the right thing to do, and if so, what sort of thing to buy. As we're a large family, keeping things as clear as possible has always been important, especially as there are huge disparities in income between our kids, from the jobless one & the PhD student to the mega-earner, & avoiding embarrassment & stress is important too!

I save for Christmas all year round, in a specific account, and use it for both presents and festive food & drink. When (and if) grandkids come onto the scene, we'll re-negotiate it all.

One of the best things I ever did was read "Unplug the Christmas Machine", which made me think carefully about what was really important and how to handle it all better. For us, clear communication and sensible expectations have been the key to creating a low-key but magical Christmas.

Pollycat

Britannia12345 wrote: »

How do other posters deal with growing families? One of our adult children has a partner this year and I'm wondering how others deal with the extra expense.
Do you buy extra presents for the new family member on top of what you spend on your own child?
Do you spend the same amount as you would have done for your own child but split it between them?
This is all new to me so I'm really not sure what to do.

Maybe take a good look at who you are buying gifts for and suggest to the whole family that you all rethink your spending.
It's a bit late for this year but maybe next...?
It's what Martin suggests.
Personally, I called time on buying gifts when we were buying a bottle of wine for someone and they were gifting the same thing back.

MovingForwards

I was given token gifts by my OH's family the first year. The second year it was matched to what they spend / give to my OH, which took me completely by surprise.

A lot depends on your budget and 'seriousness' of the relationship eg series of short term relationships, how long they have been together, do they live together or are engaged?

But, as you comment about your son/daughter being in a relationship this year it sounds like they don't flit from partner to partner. Go with a nice token gift and re-evaluate it next Christmas.

caronc

Before my son moved in with his gf (now fiancee) she got a nice but smallish gift, however now she's family as far as I'm concerned when it comes to Christmas & birthdays she's treated the same as my two boys. That said now they are grown up and on good wages my spend on them has much reduced. Last year amongst my immediate family we did a "Secret Santa" where we each bought a present for a nominated person with a fixed budget we all agreed on beforehand. This worked really well, everyone got something they wanted rather than multiple small gifts and everyone spent significantly less overall - we are doing it again this year.

Mr_Singleton

caronc wrote: »

however now she's family as far as I'm concerned when it comes to Christmas & birthdays

Oh bless! That's so touching.

VfM4meplse

Britannia12345 wrote: »

How do other posters deal with growing families? One of our adult children has a partner this year and I'm wondering how others deal with the extra expense.
Do you buy extra presents for the new family member on top of what you spend on your own child?
Do you spend the same amount as you would have done for your own child but split it between them?
This is all new to me so I'm really not sure what to do.

I am intrigued as to why you are buying Christmas gifts for your adult children, let alone their partners (unless they are really hard up). Do either actually expect it?

If anything, I'd offer hospitality. Everyone enjoys refreshments and company.

sillyvixen

We heard earlier in the year that my cousin was moving in with his girlfriend, I have got her a gift this year, I was going to have a conversation with his mum as to her name - but we have recently recieved a save the date card, and now I don't have to ask.

Just_me_1

My three and partners get gifts, and hospitality...why not?
I love the fact I can ..and, if I don't see them till boxing day, they also get a stocking then too.

VfM4meplse

Just_me_1 wrote: »

My three and partners get gifts, and hospitality...why not?
I love the fact I can ..and, if I don't see them till boxing day, they also get a stocking then too.

I gift my loved ones all the time, unexpectedly with things I know they will like / suit them.

Giving at Christmas to someone through obligation or expectation - especially if you don't even know their name - makes no sense to me. It also begets unnecessary reciprocation and creates an avoidable precedent for future years.