Keeping Going For My Furbabies

StartingAgainAt29

Hi everyone, happy Saturday!

Thanks for your kind words @astrocytic_kitten and @enthusiasticsaver, I'm feeling ok about it, I'm still processing it but not pushing myself to contront any feelings yet. I think once I've been to the clinic I'll reach out to groups depending on how I feel.

@astrocytic_kitten, I'll be as vague as I can because who knows who lurks here lol...but basically he works with kids, and he thinks because he doesn't deal with many adults during his work day that he isn't like to catch 'rona...I'm not speaking to him anymore, I've had enough of having to explain simple, logical concepts to a man I'm in a romantic relationship with  

I did a speed run on Tuesday (short but working on sprinting) and it meant that on Thursday I did my first run since I was ill earlier in the year averaging at sub 11min miles. That is huge progress for me. 

I went to Aldi yesterday, spent £23, I still have £34 in my food pot which is more than enough, especially as my cupboards are literally bursting. When I opened my cupboard today while making poached eggs, a can fell out, hit the tub of margerine on the side, and the lid of that went into the pan with the poached eggs. Like a carry on film! I've got cat1 with me, he's started having at least 2 soppy sessions a day, especially when I'm on the sofa. Just because he's not a lap cat doesn't mean he doesn't know how to snuggle

I think I need to take a step back from my bookclub, as a number of them have gone away together with their partners (over 6 people), and they're flaunting it all over social media. It makes me question how sensible they're being in other aspects of their lives, and makes me uncomfortable to meet up with them right now. I got the flu jab this week, I don't go out really unless I need to, and I ask myself why I would put myself in contact with people who don't mind breaking the rules, especially when we're on the brink of a second wave.

Anyway, I don't want to end this on a downer, as actually I've had a really good week, and feeling positive with the recent changes. I'm enjoying my writing course, and I signed up to a feline first aid course as well. I'm eating well, exercising and resting when I need to (most of the time!) and I feel an ever-so-slight improvement with my eyes. So I just have to keep going.

Have a brill Saturday everyone, speak soon

Tahlullah.H

I am impressed by the sub 11 min mile!  I know I could not do that, unless I was walking.

Keep safe.  You are making the right decision about the book club.  You are not as well as you could be and have no clear idea if you would be able to fight it if you caught it, so stay away from those who could put you at risk.

lindens

Hope you are OK?

astrocytic_kitten

Thinking of you SA xx

StartingAgainAt29

Hi everyone, thanks for checking in with me! Sorry it's been so long - I've been thinking about you all, but then when I think of updating, there's so much to say, and then the longer that goes by, the more there is to tell... this might be a long one, but I'm also having brain fog/fatigue today, so I might forget a lot of what I wanted to say

Firstly, money-wise, I'm poor. I'm now on Universal Credit, which is around £500 a month, which doesn't even cover my half of the mortgage. Luckily my mum has enough to help me for the next few months, and I have my Good Riddance Fund which is currently going towards food, bills and miscellaneous things (like a £3 lazer pointer from ebay that I've bought to encourage Cat1 to exercise and hopefully lose his ever-growing pouch!) I've been medically signed off until at least December, but I'm hoping in December I can get the Doctor to tick the box that will allow me to work part time, and I can pick up that shift I was offered back in September as it's still available.

Health-wise, as mentioned, I'm still having fatigue moments. Today and yesterday have been particularly bad, but I'm trying to lean into them as much as I can. I'm still running, I'm now on 8 miles for my long runs, and 4 and 5 miles during the week, and I'm really enjoying it. Today I was scheduled to run but if I feel well enough I'll do it tomorrow instead. I know when the fatigue is setting in now, so daily naps are a thing and if I need to do nothing then I will. Of course, another national lockdown is helping me to do nothing! I was meant to drive down and stay with my friend last weekend, but that couldn't happen. 
The hospital has been messing me around again - I was meant to see the ophthalmologist in person a few weeks ago, and got a letter to say it had been cancelled and replaced by a phone appointment (I will forever say a phone appointment for an eye issue is redundant). Anyway, when they didn't call at the time they said, I called. Lo and behold, they'd sent that letter by accident, and had done to loads of people, but they didn't know who and they only realised a couple of days before I called. Apparently other people had experienced this from other departments in the same hospital. So I was meant to be seen, but God knows when I will now be seen. I was and am bitterly disappointed, because I wanted to see how my inflammation was doing. I know the NHS has been hit hard, but when it's your own health at stake it's difficult to be too sympathetic. I also am nowhere near getting a formal MS diagnosis, so I think I'm going to go via PALS again about both issues. I've spoken to a journalist for a local paper about people who's treatment has been affected by the pandemic. I keep putting it off but I'm also going to email my local MP, who is very active in our area and apparently very tight with the head of the local hospital.

I completed the creative writing course that my friend got me for my birthday, and had so much fun with it. It was interactive, with an online forum, and I got so much great feedback and help from other people on the course. I wrote a short story about my experience with losing my eyesight and then going into hospital, and I got a great response. It was also very cathartic and helped me come to terms with what I went through. I definitely want to keep it up.

One thing I've been dealing with the past few weeks is the following: back in March ex got some letters. He said leave them in the postbox, and I'll come pick them up. Months went by. Then one day in October they were gone, but when I messaged ex, he said it wasn't him. Then the letters came. There's been at least 15 so far, all from credit/shop card companies, and a couple of them have had cards in them. Once I'd realised what was going on, I took every single letter that came through. Whoever stole the letters has opened up multiple accounts in ex's name, and some were successful, although as I got to them first the cards weren't activated. They tried me a couple of times as well that I could see from some soft searches on my credit report, so they obviously stole a letter of mine as well, although I only get hospital letters here so they didn't have as much information as ex's. He's also got a parcel here that he doesn't recognise so God knows what that is. He'll be picking that and 5 letters up tomorrow. It's a good job I'm a reasonable ex, or he'd be in the !!!!!! for at least a couple of grand! I've signed up to experian identity check for the next couple of months, although £6.99 a month is more than I can really afford, I'd rather that than have thousands racked up in my name for criminals. For context, our letter box is flat level, and it's really easy to lift the flap and stick your hand in. I'm pretty sure it's a leaflet distributor that's doing it, as I've done experiments and it's always when a new leaflet comes that stuff gets taken out. I've put a letter in there with multiple swearwords to tell them to stop, that I know who they are and will report them. Ex is completely blase about the whole thing - "oh haha someone really has it in for me lol". I was with this man for 6 years *rolls eyes*

Our flat is in the process of being sold. We had an offer that was a bit less than asking, but the same as what we paid. Our solicitor is currently ill so things are at a standstill. The EA has been completely useless, even making inappropriate comments (when I said we loved the flat so didn't want to sell but we have to, this 60+ man said "yeah, you just don't love each other anymore!"), so I will be feeding that back when this mess is all done. The EA we bought the flat from was useless as well - are there any good ones? At this price, including with the fees, we should each get a nice chunk of money from the sale. If I'm still on UC I'll have to live off that money until I can get a full-time job again, but that's for future me to worry about! There have been issues with my mum's house where I'll be going to after here, but although I'm trying to support her I can't take the stress of that on right now.

Both cats are well, I got them a new cardboard scratcher on an amazon lightening deal and Cat1 has been religiously guarding it in the spare room as if someone is going to run off with it. If Cat2 gets there first and sits next to it Cat1 sits in the hallway sulking. I wouldn't change them for the world

I'm not sure when I'll next update, so I won't make any promises! I do need to get firmly back in the MSE mindset though, because as I say, money is tight. I won't starve, my mum wouldn't allow that, but I hate taking money from her so I need to be as frugal as I can be.

I hope you're all doing well! I haven't read diaries in a while but I'll try and catch up 

enthusiasticsaver

Nice to hear from you and sorry money is so tight.  Pain about the letters going and accounts being opened in  your exes names.  Credit Karma (used to be noddle) offers free credit reports if you don't want to pay the  Experian sub.  
As I said before my brother has MS and he says the single thing that most helps him is listening to his body.  So if you are tired then it is best to rest rather than push through.  I hope you get some help through PALS about your diagnosis and eye issue.  As you say the NHS is obviously overstretched with the pandemic but people like yourself need your issues sorted too.  

astrocytic_kitten

Great to hear from you! You’re sounding pretty positive despite a rollercoaster of a time. Sounds like you’re managing things as well as you can too. I’ve found the best thing for fatigue is to not let myself get tired in the first place, and to rest before I need to rather than after (much like the best way to stay warm is to not let myself get cold, because then warming up takes forever!). Glad you’re letting yourself have naps and time doing nothing.

Also glad the cats are still providing amusement. I haven’t mentioned this on my own diary yet now I think of it, but I have a new kitty! Much younger and more playful than my last boy, definitely keeping me on my toes.

Take care - I hope things start coming together for you very soon.

StartingAgainAt29

Hi @enthusiasticsaver! I use Credit Karma already, but I heard that not everything is covered by each credit agency, so I thought it would be safer to do the paid one for now. I think I should only need to do it for a little while longer. 
Hey @astrocytic_kitten, so happy you've got a new kitty!! What type is he/she? 
Thank you both for your comments re:fatigue, it is a balancing act, even a few months in I'm still feeling pretty new to all this!

Ok so it's me again, who am I, a regular poster?!  I'm feeling better this week, both physically and mentally. I mentioned I am now money-challenged, but with my fatigue last week the first thing that went was my appetite. I didn't fancy ANY of the stuff I had in the freezer (healthy stuff I'd made previously), or in my cupboards. So I ended up with 3 takeaways one was a small breakfast one from Greggs, but still. It was money I shouldn't have spent. BUT, it got me through the week, and this week I haven't had any takeaways, and I've been able to eat healthily again. When I went to Aldi last Friday, I bought two meals which were things I would buy as a takeaway, and they're in the freezer so I can get that takeaway taste without the expense. I know the fakeaway thing has always been an MSE staple, but I always shy away from ready meals because "they're not healthy", but it's a lot safer for me to have them in the flat because I will inevitably get the craving. I have, however, budgeted for my coveted sushi and rose night, which I will have on the last Friday of this month. It costs me £15, and I make a real night of it - I watch films, get buzzed on wine, and then have a great sleep 

Sunday I ran my 8 miles, and I was happy with it. It did make it very hard to walk later that day and Monday though! I did a 5k on Tuesday, and 5 miles today - was meant to do a tempo run but got caught in the torrential rain the WHOLE time I was out (and then has been bright sunshine ever since!), so I ended up walking and running because I couldn't see for part of it (did you know rain going straight into your eye can really hurt?) 

Little fraud update, ex collected his letters and parcels and the fraudsters had bought a phone in his name, and opened up a mobile account attached to his bank account. I'm not sure how far he's got with sorting that stuff, but he's redirected his post now, so it won't be my worry anymore! I haven't had any more searches against my name, so although I'm not completely in the clear, I feel that the chances of me being affected are getting slimmer.

Speaking of ex, he's coming round on Sunday as we have some forms for the flat to fill out. He's really p'ed off with the solicitors as they have been ducking his calls and emails, and suddenly dropped these forms on us. I have to sign them and there's some info he doesn't really know as he hasn't been here. The surveyor came round at the crack of dawn on Wednesday (8:40am), and once he'd gone I went back to bed as I had the worst night's sleep. I half worry about relying on naps, and half think I need to take all the chances I can while I'm able to! 

I've booked the boys in for their annual vaccinations next week, I've roped my brother into helping as I can't carry the two chonks on my own!  I think that will be around £70, which I do have, although I haven't saved up for this across the year like I do with a lot of my other annual expenses. So that will be another pot to put money into (when I have a decent, regular income again).

I'll be going to Aldi again tomorrow, will probably spend around £30. I'm hoping they have some cat food in this time - like last lockdown, they've had no wet food in any of their stores round here. Luckily my mum stockpiled for me during the easy months, so I've not gone short yet - we've got two huge 48 pouch boxes to get through. But it does worry me! It's not like I can give them other food either, if it's not the Aldi one they won't eat it! The lazer was a huge success, cat1 is obsessed and I've got him doing laps of the living room. His pouch is still massive, but I think 2021 will see a slim cat1 lol.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. I'm hoping I can check in weekly going forward, as it's better than nothing! I've got cat2 next to me washing, it's a lovely sight

Take care everyone! 

astrocytic_kitten

Kitty is a boy who came into my life in quite a serendipitous way. He’s had a sad start to life and I initially took him as a sort of temporary foster from the charity all my cats have come from, they wanted him socialised in a home environment but I didn’t think it would be fair to him to live with me permanently because I have so much fatigue and he’s very young and energetic. But we bonded incredibly well! He does like to play a LOT and I play with him a few times a day, but he’s also happy to chase balls around the flat and climb bookcases and kitchen cupboards by himself 😆. And he’ll settle down next to me to sleep too, the charity were surprised by how quickly he settled in (he was supposed to be a bit of a project to socialise) and now I wouldn’t be without him. So it’s a happy ending for all hopefully.

Good thinking on the emergency takeaways in the freezer. I’m a big fan of the perfect is the enemy of the good when it comes to things like that - sometimes we all need a bit of comfort food. And good on your mum for stocking up on the cat food!

StartingAgainAt29

So lovely to hear about your new baby @astrocytic_kitten! I think so often that sometimes certain furbabies are just meant to come into our lives, and I think that's certainly the case with you two So happy for you!

I've had a bit of a rubbish day today (just things going wrong...), but I had a good, positive weekend so I wanted to write about that to offset the crap.

On Saturday I got up fairly early as I was preparing for my run. I was sat on the sofa and got to thinking about where I was in July. When I was in the hospital, they couldn't even say either way if I'd get back all the vision in my left eye. With the bad inflammation, the lack of blood flow, not knowing how I'd react to steroids etc, I didn't have any kind of timeline if/when my eyesight would come back. And yet here I am in November, my eyesight where it was before, with no flashing lights anymore when I run/generally exert myself. Yes I'm still in the healing process, but looking back at where I was made me realise how lucky I am that I have been able to heal back to this level. Having dealt with my dad who had a catastrophic stroke, and now can't use his left arm, and needs a walking stick, I know how devastating a sudden illness can be. I have to hold on to feeling grateful so I don't try to compare myself with before, or with others. I ran 9 miles on Saturday, and it was tough, but after having that epiphany of sorts it felt amazing. I want to do a half marathon just before Xmas, I'm on track so we'll see.

I spent £34 in Aldi on Friday, some of that was for my mum but we pick stuff up for each other all the time. She's found 3 more small boxes of cat food too that she's stashed, so that's another week or so where I don't have to worry about feeding my hungry hippos. Speaking of, they've got their annual vaccination tomorrow, I'm sure it will be fine. Will be strange to hand them off though, and not be able to go in with them. Fully ready to be shamed for the state of Cat1 and his pouch, but I can be honest and say I'm trying to get his abs back

I went through some documents that ex and I need to fill out for the sale, solicitor really dropped the ball with all this but nothing can be done now about that now. Between us both we've managed to fill out most of the documents, there's some questions we need guidance on but ex is in charge of communicating that. I've asked the EA to ask our buyer if they want the bed - I got "custody" of the bed, but it's way too big for my mum's place, and it's not something I can forsee using in the next few years either. It's a huge, king size divan bed. We paid probably over the odds for it, but I'm hoping that if the buyer wants it I could get a couple of hundred for it. Would save me the hassle of selling online, but if he doesn't want it then I'll have to suffer through selling on places like FB marketplace (the last time I messed with that place I almost destroyed my phone in frustration, people are so grabby and entitled!)

Anyway. I feel better now having thought about positive things, so that was my purpose of coming here today! Hope you all have a great week