Keeping Going For My Furbabies

Tahlullah.H

Happy birthday for tomorrow SAA29.  Hope you have a lovely time with your family.

astrocytic_kitten

Happy Birthday @StartingAgainAt29! What a year you’ve had - I’m sure your 30s will bring great things. 

[Deleted User]

Happy birthday!! Xxx

StartingAgainAt29

Hi everyone, thanks for the birthday wishes!

I had a good birthday - I like to start the day being active, last year I did my first in-person yoga class, this time I went for a (very short) run. Then I went to Aldi and spent £45, some of that was food for the week, and some of that was booze for drinks at mine, so I paid myself back from my xmas & bday fund. Presents-wise, my Dad gave me some money which I think I'm going to put towards some new glasses as mine are ~4 years old; and then I got a new phone, a gift card, a fancy scarf, some lovely toiletries, my fave candle, and some new gel polishes. My bf was extremely generous and gave me the money for an amazing 6-week writing course, and she got me a moleskin notepad, pen and a gorgeous bookmark. My other friend got me a book which is basically all about women empowerment and it's so up my street I can't believe I hadn't heard of it before! (it's called Women don't owe you pretty if anyone is interested!)

We went out for dinner, it was really lovely, we had a good laugh as well as my mum doesn't go to restaurants very often so it's always like her first time she was very generous and paid for us all. It was the first time in forever I'd been able to get dressed up, have a drink and a laugh, and I really enjoyed it. We came back to mine for drinks, I didn't go to bed until 2am!

I couldn't sleep in the next day, so I spent Tuesday on the sofa pretty much all day, worried I'd overdone it. I ended up going to bed at 8:30 and woke up 12 hours later!

Wednesday I was a bit more proactive and got some admin bits done, and some yoga. I did phone the EA to say we'd like to go ahead, and for him to confirm dates for the photographer. I met with my friend who got me the book for some lunch/drinks as she was in the area. It was really lovely catching up with her, we were out for around 6 hours chatting! I had a really good time, but honestly, watching everyone in town wearing their masks around their chins (if they're wearing one) and fiddling with it constantly makes me really angry and nervous. Plus no one was social distancing. I don't think I can got out and about regularly in the "real world" for now because people are just idiots and I still feel vulnerable even if I'm not immunocompromised anymore. My friend very generously paid for lunch and I paid for some drinks after. The lunch place is part of the government scheme so she saved 50%!

Yesterday I went for another short run, and I just chilled because I felt exhausted from being social on Wednesday. I'm really trying hard to listen to my body and rest if I feel the need, as my instinct is to push through and that's no good.

Today I had an early hospital appointment that I have monthly, and then came home and have sweated non-stop in my hot flat. I did a task I've been putting off for no real reason - I finally emailed my holiday company about the flights and said I don't want to rebook due to health reasons, so I need my refund. They've said they will but it can take up to a year. I'm a bit peeved as that balance is sat on a CC that I'm sending minimum payments towards, but I'm not sure what else I can do. I signed up to the writer's course which starts in September, so I want to get back into writing even a little every day to try and get those creative juices going. I also started a cat course in May that I never completed, so I want to finish that as well, a small portion a day if I can.

I'm a little concerned as I've noticed on and off that my left eye feels odd, like pressure, and has hurt a little. I'm checking every day and the vision isn't deteriorating but I can tell I'm struggling to read certain things, which happened before my last episode. There's not much they can do preventative afaik so I need to keep an eye on my diet, alcohol intake and (frustratingly due to where I live) not overheating. Weirdly I've been giving an over the phone appointment with the hospital opthamologist, and while I understand the sentiment of keeping people out of hospital it means that if my eye does deteriorate they won't be able to do any tests on me, and I'll have to go in anyway. Still waiting for my neurology appointment to come through, hoping that's before the end of August and I don't have to wait too long for my results!

I have done a little spending here and there, I got a 40% voucher for a skincare website from my phone company app, I need more of those items so I spent £18 on there. Also got some £2 nail files to remove my gel polish. I half think of them as bday presents to myself rather than frivolous spending, as I will use both items (and I had a treat yo self moment ) I changed over to my new phone so I spent £17 on a replacement cover and popsocket, the popsocket is essential as it saves my fingers.

I'm sure I'll remember something else once I log off as I always do, but I'll leave it here!

I hope everyone has a great weekend in the sunshine (and that you don't live in the bowels of hell like do! )

astrocytic_kitten

Sounds like a fab birthday, glad you were well looked after!

Hope you’ve managed ok with the heat over the weekend x

StartingAgainAt29

Oh no I just wrote a whole passage and it got lost!!!! I want to rewrite it but my eyes are losing focus so I'll have to try again another time be back soon!

StartingAgainAt29

Right let's try this again....

As mentioned I've been having issues with my eyes and focusing, I've been having light flashes and difficulty seeing when I go outside (mainly when I'm running or walking). I first noticed the focusing issue during the heatwave, where I'd get to 8/9pm and I couldn't focus on any words on the screen/paper. It was 35 degrees in my flat day and night, and overall I wasn't coping very well. As the focusing thing was new it was quite worrying, but I was due to have a phone appointment with the opthamologist on Monday. Except they didn't call. And no one could tell me why as there were no notes on my appointment. I spent my whole Tuesday morning unable to get through to the consultant's secretary - she kept me on hold for 2 hours, and then kept sending me back to the switchboard. In the end I left it with PALS because I was really upset and frustrated and that wasn't helping my stress levels. Thankfully the consultant called me yesterday - he couldn't tell me why my appointment had been missed, but he was apologetic. I told him about the issues I'm having, and also worry about work/money/having a diagnosis for when I have to sign on in September. He told me the focusing issues and flashing lights are normal, that I'm expecting too much of myself at this stage and I need to give myself longer. He said the double optic neuritis is my diagnosis (even though I'm still awaiting the results of the lumbar puncture), that no one can expect to me work while recovering from this, and said he would put something together for me to attest to that. It makes me feel a bit better as I was half thinking that I need to be job searching, when actually I don't think I could do a full-time job right now with my energy levels, and with my sight being unpredictable that's also an issue.

I was very social last weekend - I had a call with one of my uni friends Friday; a meal with some of the bookclub girls Saturday; and then Sunday my mum and brother came round mine to celebrate his results (although they've now been rescinded...what a nightmare, I'm so glad I'm not 18 and did A-levels this year!) The upshot of those 3 things though were that it took me 3 days to recover, and only yesterday did I feel a bit less tired. Today my mum came round and helped me sort out the two messiest cupboards for viewings. I haven't got any plans for this weekend other than to go round the flat tomorrow, do some yoga and run on Sunday, and get some reading done. I might see my dad as I didn't see him last week for his bday, he cancelled last week as he thought he had the dreaded C but he seems better already so hopefully it was just a cold.

The biggest news is the flat is on the market and is on the internet. I had to spend one of the heatwave days going round the flat and make it photo-ready. The pictures and virtual tour came out well though, ex had no complaints. I thought we might have had some showings this weekend but I haven't heard anything so I'm guessing not!

Money-wise I have £65 to last me until next Friday. I will need to buy some food but I have enough for now; I'd overpaid my yoga teacher by £3 twice (I'd confused myself on the price as she used to do a 2-class deal) so I get tomorrow's session free, and the next session after that will be £4 rather than £5. I had a takeaway last week as that was my treat for getting through the hot day and cleaning, money levels will be going down soon so I need to make this habit back to once a month.

I will have to go full MSE mode over the next couple of months as my income will drop, I can't go too much into detail but I will only have to start worrying by end October/November depending on what happens with my health/if I can get a job. I have savings and my mum can help with certain costs, so it will just be a case of bringing spending down to a minimum, and I have things that I can sell once I know I will be able to post them off (as my energy levels are so inconsistent I don't like setting myself any proper goals atm). I can do PA when my eyes are ok. I don't know if any of you used it but Receipt Hog is being sold and the new company are not honouring the points. I had 1096, and you needed 1500 for £5 paypal - so close! I thought I couldn't cash out anything but turns out I could get a £3 amazon voucher, so I did that and removed the app. It's a shame as I've been using that app since I was saving for my deposit to buy this flat, so feels like an end of an era. I also use Zipzero but they're having issues so although I have £14 I can't cash any of that out atm.

An update on the boys- they are fine, they struggled during the heatwave but I had the cooling mat out, a wet towel and a water bowl as cat1 loves to splash water around! They're much happier now, evidenced by them going to the top of their cat tree, which they only do when  it's a normal temp

I'll leave it here as I don't want the post to be lost again! I hope you all have an amazing weekend and I hope to update sooner than later

astrocytic_kitten

I can’t believe you’re selling the flat on top of everything else you’re going through - though it will be good for you and the boys to get to a space that’s properly yours, and where you won’t have your ex and knowing you have to sell hanging over your head. Glad the consultant was clear that you can’t be expected to work right now too.

Try to be as kind and gentle with yourself as you can be. A lesson I’m still trying to learn is to pace myself and do a bit less than I feel able to (someone described it to me as making sure your body has energy left over so it can use it to heal, which I liked). It does help with keeping a more consistent energy level and avoiding the boom and bust cycle, it just needs more discipline than I generally have 😂

Take care - hopefully the break in the weather will continue to help.

StartingAgainAt29

@astrocytic_kitten I like the having leftover energy thing, it definitely makes a lot of sense!

So I thought I'd update to let you all know I'm still alive! I find it hard coming back when it's been so long as it feels like a lot to update, but actually not much has changed since I last posted.

I'm still exercising, although I've missed the last two Saturday's yoga - the first time I was on the sofa snuggled up with a good book and I just didn't fancy it, and yesterday I was seeing my dad at a time that made it difficult to do it. Normally I'd feel bad but actually I think it did me good. I skipped Thursday's run as well, and this morning I ran a solid 2.8miles, so I'm almost back up to 3 miles, which is the starting point then to built my mileage backup (my body permitting!) I should definitely be able to do 3 miles next week so that's a good milestone.

I haven't done much socially, although I did meet my mum for lunch on Monday, making use of the government's 50% scheme. I've been to this place loads and love it, but I didn't realise they did potato omelette (tortilla de patas) - I LOVE when I'm able to have that as I used to live in Spain, and it's one of the main things I loved eating, and I'm not easily able to recreate it at home. So now I do that as well as all the other lovely food they do I'm going to make a point of going back, even if it's on my own to read as it's a nice 20 minute walk from my flat. Other than that I've been reading LOADS; I read a lot anyway, but lately I've been reading a book every day/every other day, which is fine as I had a big backlog of library books and kindle books I've accumulated. It makes me excited to start my creative writing course which is in September.

The boys are good, although we had our first ever furball! Not to be crude but I think they've always got rid of their furballs the "other way" ,but whichever one it was (I have my suspicions *cough*cat2*cough*) had been eating cardboard from their cardboard scratcher to help the process along. It was fairly neat though so I'll let him off this time!

My money came in on Friday, so my balance looks healthy for now. I went shopping on Friday, worst idea as everyone was in Aldi as it's payday, duh! But they didn't have courgettes, so I went to a seperate shop, and once I'd left I totally forgot they've turned their parking meters back on! I never go there anymore and it was free parking for months during covid so I completely forgot. Hope i don't get a ticket or they'll have been very expensive courgettes!

There's been no viewings on the flat which is suprising, I even had a message off ex as if I was withholding information. Nope, sorry, there's just been nothing to tell! I gave him the EA's number and said if he wants to chase then it's up to him. All I can do is make the place presentable when people want to see it.

I'm making plans for when I need to sign on in September, it's going to be very hard financially but I'm lucky that I have people around me who can help pay the large costs like mortgage etc. Other than that things are going to be very tight, so I'm putting money into my savings because I know I'll have to use them later, maybe even for basics such as  food. My mum is part of a very useful UC FB group so I'm confident I will be able to enter the system in the best way, to maximise what I can get plus so I'm not forced to apply for jobs when I can't realistically work atm.

My mum wants to take the family (me, brothers and nephew) away next year, so I've been tasked with looking up villa holidays next year. If anyone has any tips let me know! Would be lovely to get some sunshine, as long as all the 'rona business has settled by then!

I'm not having to nap as often, and I'm able to do more tasks during the day, like today I ran, cleaned the flat, cooked for tonight and cooked up some boiled eggs for the week, cut courgettes up for the freezer. I'm tired now, but it's not the same exhausted tired I've had for the past couple of months. I will know tomorrow if I've done too much though, I'm living and learning right now!

I've been doing PA surveys this week, I cashed out just over £5 and added it to my makeup/skincare fund as that will definitely suffer while my money's short and I do love my skincare (it's my "self care" thing). I want to do as many as I can throughout the next few weeks to top up different pots for later. It's hard as I don't sit on a computer anymore due to my eyes, but I'm going to make a point of sitting there for an hour or so a day with the tab open, and do other bits while waiting for surveys to come through. I did £5 last week so it worked to some extent.

I can feel my eyes going so I'll leave it here. I'll try and update more often like I used to as I feel a lot gets missed. Although half the time it's just general musings so maybe it's better left in my mind and not on here I hope you all enjoy the Bank Holiday tomorrow, have a good evening

enthusiasticsaver

I have just read your diary and what a roller coaster ride you have been on.  You have a great writing style and your diary is entertaining as well as informative.  I had to pop on just to say that my brother had visual disturbance about 4 years ago and was diagnosed with relapsing and remitting MS.  He is older than you but they think he had it for a decade or longer before being diagnosed.  I know you do not have a final diagnosis yet but in the last few years he has been taking medication and had no relapses  now for three years.  He plays golf, works full time and is back to driving. If it is that, the main thing is to listen  to your body and rest if you feel tired or stressed.  I will subscribe to  hear about your next adventures and whether you  sell your flat.  You probably did the right thing by going for a mortgage deal with no ERC.  Hopefully the prices will recover where you are soon and you eventually get to go on your MP holiday.  We were supposed to be going to Canada next week but we rebooked for next year.