The hardest challenge yet

dreaming

elantan wrote: »

lentil lasagne, what a whole new world I'm learning about lol ... I wouldve never have thought of lentil lasagne.... its deff a case of doing what's right for the individual we cant all be the same, weve used cards for years and have found them very easy to use, using cash requires more thought, but this is all in aid of being prepared for retirement so for us for right now its cash ... well done onnthe biscuit supply i have none, all gone, even the ones I didnt like were eaten

I first tried a lentil lasagne recipe when youngest wanted to be vegetarian when she was about 14 (gulp - some 24 years ago!). I said that was fine but she had to find some proper recipes to try rather than just stopping eating meat. This was one she found in a magazine and actually became a family staple - as I said, there's no bloating even if you eat a large portion. It freezes well too. She went back to eating meat again after about 6 months but hs dabbled with it ever since. She is actually trying to be vegan for most of January - partly for health but also for financial reasons. She is a really good cook and quite adventurous so I am looking forward to being invited for dinner.
I was thinking about your OH's liking for takeaway - mainly because my friend has suggested one for Friday night. The main thing I thought was that they are ok in moderation, and can be fitted into a budget as long as they are instead of a meal rather than an addition. I think your OH tends to eat what has been planned for at home and then has the takeaway - is that right? Maybe you will have to accept that he is going to eat them and plan them into the menu/budget. Sorry if I have it wrong but it may work. It may also have a reverse psychological effect as well - if they are not seen as a "treat" they may lose their appeal.

elantan

Hey all thanks for the replies, just in from work and still cooking dinner, may need to reply friday ( long day tomorrow as well)

elantan

lessonlearned wrote: »

That's the ticket.......you'll get there.

Re ....the friend situation. I have to say I was very shocked when you told us what had happened that night.

No one, no one has the right to make you feel like that. I can understand you want to keep the peace but there are limits to peacekeeping.

Have you heard the expression "Red Velvet Rope Policy". I suggest you google it for a proper description but basically its a term psychologists use as a tool for keeping toxic people at arms length.

I can recommend it......

I now operate a strict red velvet rope policy. I only allow people who care about me and who are nurturing and supportive into my inner circle.

I now draw a distinction between my real friends and those who I deem casual friends and acquaintances. I am unfailing polite and civil at all times but I know who to keep at arms length and those who I give my time and attention too.

Toxic people are like poison......best avoided.

Draw a line and don't let them cross it.,

I looked up the red velvet rope policy, its an interesting idea,these people are toxic, and thankfully we dont see them often ( once every couple of years or so) its the hangover from my husbands youth, he went to school with the guy and they grew up together, so he feels that obligation, hopefully we wont have to see them again as its just a horrible experience, the way the full family behave really upset me actually, the hatred they all seem to have for each other and anyone that visits ... anyway, i wont be seeing them anytime soon and will deff review if/ when we see them again.

elantan

balabooberlies wrote: »

Hear, Hear !

I am only just learning this at a ripe old age.

Semi-ashamed to admit that I have had to look to myself, and will continue to do so everyday for these behaviours.

So much of it is learnt and becomes habit/normal. I have a long way to go to create new habits.......and to keep them.

I wish you well Elantan. What you and your husband have achieved so far is mind boggingly amazing. You've got this.

Bala

Hi Bala welcome,

Yeah i agree we all do have wee behaviours that we dont necessarily like about ourselves, i really struggle with some of my own behaviours myself, i would suddenly verbally be snipey with people and didnt understand why and wasnt able to control it, i would leave the conversation so angry with myself that i had allowed something to annoy me so much that i just lost it.

First time i went to uni i was confronted with it every single time i went to a certain class, i knew it was the lecturer something about them really set my teeth on edge, it got to the point i didnt even listen in class as i knew if i did i would say things.

It was a painful time for me, but what it did was allow me to understand that aspect of myself, why did i dislike this lecturer so much? what was it specifically about them that set me on edge. I learned then that it was because i really cant stand people that abuse their power, and this lecturer really did,


I learned to recognise the emotion and be able to control the emotion so that i could rationally decide what course of action i wanted to take, i learned to say to myself yes they are abusing their power but are they doing it on purpose or are they maybe just not aware? then i would ask myself how do i want to proceed, and learned how to deal with things.

I learned to be gentle with people that didnt know they were being abusive ( the majority), i learned how to be direct and straight to the point with those that did, and i learned to accept and love the part of me that decided nah they are getting it ( those that had crossed the line imo). That part that would literally verbally rip someone apart was there to protect me, I so rarely need it now, and can say i have used it maybe twice in the past 10 years, but now when i do i dont feel the shame and anger with myself that i used to. I do feel more in control with these behaviours, but i am also wary of other behaviours that i am working on,

I'm a work in progress :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

elantan

dreaming wrote: »

I first tried a lentil lasagne recipe when youngest wanted to be vegetarian when she was about 14 (gulp - some 24 years ago!). I said that was fine but she had to find some proper recipes to try rather than just stopping eating meat. This was one she found in a magazine and actually became a family staple - as I said, there's no bloating even if you eat a large portion. It freezes well too. She went back to eating meat again after about 6 months but hs dabbled with it ever since. She is actually trying to be vegan for most of January - partly for health but also for financial reasons. She is a really good cook and quite adventurous so I am looking forward to being invited for dinner.
I was thinking about your OH's liking for takeaway - mainly because my friend has suggested one for Friday night. The main thing I thought was that they are ok in moderation, and can be fitted into a budget as long as they are instead of a meal rather than an addition. I think your OH tends to eat what has been planned for at home and then has the takeaway - is that right? Maybe you will have to accept that he is going to eat them and plan them into the menu/budget. Sorry if I have it wrong but it may work. It may also have a reverse psychological effect as well - if they are not seen as a "treat" they may lose their appeal.

On the whole Oh tend to have a takeaway instead of dinner, just sometimes he eats dinner then goes for a takeaway, so eats two dinners, tonight he is cooking chinese so hopefully kill two birds with the one stone

elantan

So its been a busy and stressful week at work, i need to have a direct and straight word with one of the colleagues i work with ( see above behaviour post) which I am sure wont go down well, but I will be professional and will ensure we can have a working relationship.

food shopping wise we have done ok, we had £50 left today but have since done some shopping so have £15 left to do us till Wednesday, we should make it.

A new month starts on Wednesday, I have decided a food budget of £500 so £16 odd per day for food/takeaway/alcohol for the two of us, we will see how we go with that.

I've also just ordered some more vitamins, I take magnesium, vit d3 and fish oil, i order them from higher nature, along with some b50 for oh ( he also uses other vitamin tablets) it came to £77 now that isnt cheap, and it isnt something i have ever added to my food/takeaway/alcohol bill, I am wondering if i should? or keep that as a separate bill? not to be started straight away, something I can work towards in the future

any thoughts?


Tonight is chinese night, home made and healthy, I am looking forward to it,

balabooberlies

Hi Elantan

Thank you for responding. I don't think I am anything like your husband's friend, well here's hoping.

Am having some huge changes in my life and as a result of that have had a shift in consciousness. For me it's more my internal voice that worries me. The moaning I do about people and situations. When I should be more kind and understanding. I don't know where to draw the line in being justifiably irritated/hurt/angry etc..........or just work to a blanket kindness.

Anyway, have decided to start researching 'mindfulness', what harm can it do. I have mostly always been a reactive person, always in the moment. Having watched some (not all) family members I realise that this was/is a learned behaviour. I want to change.

On a positive note, my 'in the momentness' also makes me effusive, encouraging, loving, warm etc.

It's the balance that I need to work on and the wisdom to know which reaction is appropriate.

Bala

X

elantan

I'm sure your absolutely nothing like them, the fact you have an ability to reflect alone tells me that

Our behaviours are generally learned or developed as a kinda protection of ourselves, I have a tendency to not sugar coat things, I dont ever go out of my way to offend people but sometimes I've seen hurt on peoples face after I've said something so I have to stop myself realise what I said to hurt them apologise and try and say the same thing but in a round about less direct way

none of us are perfect, but as long as we keep working towards our best self then we cant really ask for more


mindfulness is relaxing,I hope you enjoy it and receive some benefits

let me know how you go on your journey of self discovery, nland becoming the best you ... I honestly think it's the most vitally important things we can undertake as human beings xxx

elantan

Part of the things I've been thinking of was to re start growing my own, even if it's just salad it will save us money, so I have been once again looking at seed catalogues ( those things just make me happy)

now I'm deff going to grow something, doesn't need to be anything big, however with the howling gales weve had over the weekend my polytunnel has been ripped apart, so I will have to buy a new cover

1st world problems eh

boultdj

If you don't want to start off with seed's get the living salad in Lidl/ Aldi and split them, there is normally 50 or more and different types, and at £1 cheaper than some of the seed packet's.