The hardest challenge yet

elantan

dreaming wrote: »

So sorry to hear your plans for a quiet Christmas have gone awry but although there has been unexpected expense please try to see this as a blip in your plans, and you will still get to where you want I am sure - your just may have to take a bit of a detour.
I know what stress family disagreements/estrangement/illness can bring. Even if you feel you have mostly come to terms with things this time of year can give the heart a few pangs. I hope you get some time to yourselves before New Year and things will look much better soon. Best wishes.

thanks dreaming, yeah it's a detour but we will get back on track and we are very fortunate, I'm hoping once I finish my on call on 26th that will be me able to rest and plan, I'm noticing that while we need the mo ey ( due to the OH work situation) I'm also needing to not work as much OT as it osnt good for my mental health, so next year will try and cut back on hours, maybe that will be the driving force to cut back on food spending

elantan

I'm lying in bed and planning what to do with Hogmany coming up, Mr El is easy ozy and I am kinda wanting to do stuff, it got me to thinking about our outlooks on life, I'm very challenge focused, Mr El is very whatever, doesn't want to make plans and thinks plans are for people with nothing better to do, I pointed out to him that without my challenges of getting out of debt, paying off the mortgage doing the WHW going to Canada, planning early retirement etc etc we would have achieved nothing, he agrees

so that then brings me to how to approach a challenge that I want to achieve and he is meh about ...


much pondering to happen I am sure

Siebrie

Can you ask the inlaws to contribute financially, seeing how this was sprung upon you? Maybe make the two dinners you are making, their christmas gift? Had she not yet bought anything you can use? Can any of the other participants bring dishes? Just spread the word that due to the hosts' illness, you are happy to host, but would appreciate everyone helping out. To me, it's a bit weird that it automatically comes down to you to step in, and, also, for you to step in and take over. Do you have a habit of doing so? (I do not mean that to be rude, I'm just wondering if you are the family's 'rescuer', which could be a very expensive role....)

elantan

hey Siebrie,

thanks for the reply, husband is an only child so it falls to him, aunty has no other relatives and is in fact not actually related to us but is mother in laws friend from years ago and mil looked after her for a while, now mil is unwell and unable to look after her but she has no one else.

Son is basically useless at these things so wont step up to the plate, leaving everything to fall to us,

father on law didnt have anything in ,aunty is incapable of doing anything ( mild learning disability, mental health issues, lives in sheltered housing complex etc

elantan

so whilst it may appear I need to rescue people, I truly dont it falls to us and we have no choice, the only other option would be to not do anything and then husband would never hear the end of it

Siebrie

Thank you for replying so fully. It's difficult when you are sandwiched between the (needy) generations. Still, it's husband who needs to step in, not you Is he pulling his full weight helping out his parents?

lessonlearned

elantan wrote: »

so whilst it may appear I need to rescue people, I truly dont it falls to us and we have no choice, the only other option would be to not do anything and then husband would never hear the end of it

Have been reading along........sorry to hear your troubles.

Can't really offer advice.....I've been through all of this in the last few years myself. Looking after my parents as well as caring for my terminally ill husband.

We are just the "sandwich generation". Elderly relatives on the one hand, and then children or grandchildren on the other, with us stuck in the middle trying to muddle through as best we can. And of course at a time when we might have own issues, menopause, job/career pressures etc.

It's exhausting, stressful and time consuming. And, as you are finding, it can also be expensive.

No easy answers I'm afraid. Just try and rest when you can and if anyone offers help, grab it with both hands.

elantan

Siebrie wrote: »

Thank you for replying so fully. It's difficult when you are sandwiched between the (needy) generations. Still, it's husband who needs to step in, not you Is he pulling his full weight helping out his parents?

Hi Siebrie,

yes he is, we are a team, he was down every day there for the past fortnight whilst I was working, I have a wee bit of medical background and alot of in laws issues are health related so I tend to deal with them and also the sorting things as I have a background in that too, husband was dealing with the whole gas leak flood floor board ripping up lawyers etc ... we both deal with the rest as we can

elantan

lessonlearned wrote: »

Have been reading along........sorry to hear your troubles.

Can't really offer advice.....I've been through all of this in the last few years myself. Looking after my parents as well as caring for my terminally ill husband.

We are just the "sandwich generation". Elderly relatives on the one hand, and then children or grandchildren on the other, with us stuck in the middle trying to muddle through as best we can. And of course at a time when we might have own issues, menopause, job/career pressures etc.

It's exhausting, stressful and time consuming. And, as you are finding, it can also be expensive.

No easy answers I'm afraid. Just try and rest when you can and if anyone offers help, grab it with both hands.

thanks lesson ,yeah it's exactly like that, but we muddle on and get there

Siebrie

I'm glad to hear it. Enjoy your christmas :xmassmile