PB’s Very Exciting Diary...!

Pink_Butterfly

I’m feeling quite sad tonight. The news of Caroline Flack’s suicide has hit me quite hard considering I didn’t know her

In happier news, I’ve had a nice day with my girls. We didn’t do much because of Storm Dennis however I did take them to their theatre group this morning & had a coffee/babycino date with DD2 while we were waiting to collect DD1. I also did 2 lots of washing and cleaned the lounge, hallway & bathroom. It smells lovely in here now! I’ll try & do the kitchen & bedrooms tomorrow if I get time. OH is taking me out to breakfast in the morning after I’ve dropped the girls off at their dad’s house I’m looking forward to it.

Happy_Monday

Just delurking PB, read lots of diaries but never really post. I feel just the same about Caroline Flack, I must admit it really upset me last night when I heard the news. It’s just so, so sad. 

Enjoy your breakfast out this morning x

Pink_Butterfly

Thanks Happy_Monday. The last 48 hours since the news broke have been sad & confusing. I sobbed most of Saturday night, and felt off all day yesterday because I thought I was weird for getting so emotional about someone who I didn’t know personally. I’ve watched a lot of the shows she presented over the years but I wasn’t a massive crazy fan or anything, yet her death has really affected me.

Breakfast with OH yesterday was lovely & cheered me up a bit. We didn’t do much else for the rest of the day. We popped round my mum’s in the afternoon for a cuppa but that was about it!

Today is day 1 of the holidays it’s been really relaxing, except a small food shop and a trip to the dentist. It looks like DD1 will need a brace in a few years, bless her. I could do with a brace aswell, as I have a bit of an overbite, but they’re not cheap!

My Ex sent me some money this morning so that was a nice surprise. He is having the girls for 2 nights from tonight so that me & my mum can have our child-free girly day tomorrow Exciting!

Pink_Butterfly

Hello! My child-free girly day with my mum yesterday was lovely I honestly love days like those. Precious moments that I’ll always treasure

I did go over budget but not too much damage was done. Just a couple of items of clothing & parking. Mum paid for coffee (well, she used her points to pay for it), lunch, a couple of dresses for the girls and she also treated me to a fresh linen candle  

Speaking of fresh linen, my bedsheets and quilt cover etc are currently in the wash and I’m about to vacuum the whole flat and scrub the kitchen. Funnily enough my floor cleaner is also fresh linen scented! I clearly love the smell.

The girls are back with me and we are going out for lunch later with my mum, aunts, uncles and my cousin so that’ll be nice. One uncle is getting married later this year, but we are only going to the reception so hopefully it won’t cost too much. I got another reception invite last night from a friend who’s getting married about 90 minutes away in September so we may be stopping over... more money! And another close friend is very likely going to book her wedding for next year in Ibiza. I won’t be taking the kids but still, so much money!

Time to get my kitchen sparkling!

Happy_Monday

How are you feeling PB? Your last few days sound lovely, I love the smell of fresh linen too, it’s my favourite Zoflora smell as well! Enjoy the rest of the half term break x

Pink_Butterfly

Thanks Happy_Monday. I’m feeling like I’m a bit of a fraud on here if I’m honest, my mindset is completely wrong and my MSE head has gone AWOL! I know why I’m spending money, but I’m struggling to get any self-control while I feel so down. I know what I need to do but I’m finding it very difficult to motivate myself.

On a positive note, I’ve put some clothes on eBay & my local FB selling page this week, and have saved money by either being treated to lunch or having my dinner cooked for me, so this half-term hasn’t been as spendy as I thought. I had a hygienist appointment yesterday which was so expensive though... £71.50!!! Ridiculous amount of money.

Last day of half-term/annual leave today & it’s going to be a busy one. Hopefully fun though... I need some fun!

Pink_Butterfly

Friday ended up being fun thankfully! We went round my mum’s for lunch, and then to a soft play area/park with my friend and her little boy which was nice. I had the evening child-free so spent a couple of hours with a friend who is going through a tough time at the moment & needed a chat. She has a young baby & it reminded me of when mine were little and how hard everything was.

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling too good. Me & OH went to Ikea but I really struggled so we didn’t stay long. He got us a chinese take away for dinner which actually helped & I felt better, but I now feel rubbish again! Hopefully it won’t develop into something nasty!

I promised the girls I’d take them out for dinner later but that was before I felt ill so I’ll see how I feel in a bit. I just wanted a nice end to the half-term holiday as we are back to work/school tomorrow Roll on April for the next one!!

Pink_Butterfly

My first day back at work was ok but I’ve been feeling super low all day. I feel like the slightest thing will tip me over the edge. I’m struggling quite a bit and I’m trying to help others who are feeling low but I don’t know if I can keep helping them when I feel so down myself

I also accidentally scratched DD1 earlier when she was running around the flat naked (she was just about to have a shower) and she’s now got an ugly red line down her body Mum of the year here! She cried, and I did too

2 agencies rang me today but neither jobs they were telling me about are what I’m looking for. It’s so disappointing, there’s not much out there for me right now.

I’m trying to find something positive to say but I honestly can’t think of anything. I know I’m blessed in so many ways... I have wonderful kids, an amazing OH, no crazy money worries, a job, a nice car, a nice home (well, at least it would be if the neighbours moved out) but it’s hard to appreciate everything right now. I know that sounds ungrateful of me.

Pink_Butterfly

Ok I’ve given myself a good talking to & have spent a chunk of the evening (in between crying & eating chocolate & watching trashy TV) going through my finances. I’ll probably get abuse for this but I need to be honest with what my spending has done to my savings!!

I had £5K saved as you know. Well now I’ve got £4K, and it looks like I’ll have to take another £700, leaving me with £3.3K. I’m very embarrassed about it... I have been acting like my old self and it’s shameful.

Since the start of 2020 I have spent:

£286.00 on clothes & bags for myself
£181.30 on meals out
£1,221.86 on 2 holidays. Plus a £15.00 deposit for a day trip in July with the kids.

Total damage is £1,704.16. And I haven’t even started on beauty treatments, coffees to go etc

I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I worked hard to save that money. I know the holidays will be amazing and worth it, but still.

It would’ve been almost doable but I’ve got my car insurance due soon which I pay annually, plus 6 months of service charge & ground rent, the girls’ birthday parties and pressies, car MOT and other expenses like breakfast club for the kids (I have to pay a term in advance). I’ve also committed to a day in London next month and a meal out for my mum for Mother’s Day.

So yeh, not great, and not inspiring. The good news is I’m bored of spending money now, I actually want to save and pay chunks of the loan off so hopefully this feeling will continue!

Please be kind readers if you’re going to comment. I’m too fragile to take any criticism in all honesty...

StartingAgainAt29

Hi @Pink_Butterfly, delurking to say please don't be too hard on yourself. You've made some mistakes but you recognise them and you can move on from here. I hope you feel better today