Is my mom charging too much?

rikbar

Hi Mica98

Welcome to the world of many children who have now turned adult and whose family either can’t or won’t provide the lifestyle they were used to for free anymore. The reasons for this can be many and I have no idea as to your mother’s situation but can only assume from your posts that she isn’t flush and probably relied upon benefits when you were at an age they could be claimed.

The concept of what is fair is hard, and between family members difficult to agree on with all the emotions etc. My oldest would always look at what his mates got and say it was unfair he didn’t get the same, he really couldn’t understand that families have very different situations and therefore life, rather than what he got from us, was unfair.

Standing back as an observer the only way you can determine if things are fair is to look at what it would cost if you had to live in a similar situation with a non family member. I did this with my son, we went on spare room and looked at similar sized houses, estimated the cost of food for the week on a Tesco shop and then added any other costs. He was saving over £300 per month by living with us, so he wasn’t being ripped off, indeed had we booted him out we could have rented his room and made an additional £250. Once he realised that he was better off here he appreciated the extra £300 in his pocket a little more.

Hope you manage to come to some agreement with your mum, and good luck with the degree

silvercar

What happens next year, when you hopefully move on to university and possibly move out into uni halls or a student shared rental? Will your Mum be financially self sufficient? Has she thought ahead to balance her own budget when living alone?

From your posts it seems that she is relying on the money she gets from you. Maybe your Mum also needs to do some budgeting!

Zero_Sum

Purbeck wrote: »

A very basic idea of what bills there are for the household might be useful Mica, ask your mum if there are any others.

Food etc ( to include toiletries/cleaning items or calculate these separately)
Gas/electric
Water rates ( if metered there will be more water used by 2 of you than if mum was there alone)
Rent/Mortgage
Land line phone and broadband
Contents insurance


If your mum is on a low income it might be that she is really worried about keeping a roof over both your heads. At your age she will have 'lost' the various benefits that might have been available to her when you were younger.

And an important one, Council Tax. if your mum lived alone she would get a 25% discount. If she's having to pay the full amount, that might be a struggle.

You can still get the 25% as one is a student on low income.

System

Zero_Sum wrote: »

You can still get the 25% as one is a student on low income.

Quite possibly thanks Zero Sum. Info here
https://www.gov.uk/council-tax/discounts-for-full-time-students

Ms_Chocaholic

Does your mum work? Does she receive the right amount of benefits she should receive?

Could you sit down with her and approach it from a, I think we are struggling start to the discussion. From there get a piece of paper and note down all the outgoings (and incomings if she will tell you). Check https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ to ensure she is getting all the benefits she should be and take it from there. Try to take a practical view to the discussion in terms of figures rather than, you put the tumble dryer on too much type of conversation and see how it goes.

duchy

Mica98 wrote: »

When I attempt to buy my own food, it's apparently "inconsiderate" as I'm not buying for the both of us lmao

Well if she bought food just for her , would that be inconsiderate too?
Ultimately working only part time is your choice, no one is forcing you to stay in education .
Many adults study with the OU or at traditional universities and also work as they don’t have the option to do otherwise as they need to pay market rate rent .
Is it possible your Mum now feels that as an adult (you don’t mention your age) essentially house sharing with her now she should no longer be financially supporting your choices ?
It honestly doesn’t sound a bad deal and one you’d struggle to find in a non family house share. (Of course in a non family house share if every conversation about bills turned into a row you’d soon find yourself out on your ear !)

duchy

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Does your mum work? Does she receive the right amount of benefits she should receive?

Could you sit down with her and approach it from a, I think we are struggling start to the discussion. From there get a piece of paper and note down all the outgoings (and incomings if she will tell you). Check https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ to ensure she is getting all the benefits she should be and take it from there. Try to take a practical view to the discussion in terms of figures rather than, you put the tumble dryer on too much type of conversation and see how it goes.

Big assumption that the Mum is on benefits.
I know full time students are exempt from Council tax , I don’t think part time students are so is that something also coming from the bank of Mum? It may very well be the OP just doesn’t realise how much she’s actually costing her Mum each month.

Mrs_Ryan

dreaming wrote: »

It is possible to get a student loan when studying with the OU http://www.open.ac.uk/courses/fees-and-funding#funding-options-tab.
However the course you are undertaking may mean that you are not eligible.
.

You can only get a maintainance loan if you have significant disabilities which mean you cannot attend a campus uni. I have one and it’s very very hard, almost impossible to get. It is possible also to get a grant but only if you live in Wales. Student loans are readily available for fees only but they are paid directly to the university, the student doesn’t see a penny. Also student reduction for council tax would be available to the OP as they’re doing 120 credits.

diggingdude

Can mum cope if you move out, because that's what you really need to be doing? Not sure which part of the black country you are in but some areas have cheap house shares. Have a look if you can save money by moving, even if it's costing you the same/a little bit more it may be worth it for your sanity (and potentially your mother's).

How much do you reckon it's costing mum to run the house without you?