Old Style Ways and Poor Health part 2.

pollyanna_26

mothernerd said:

I'll join you in apathy corner Ming. I'm still here, still sick but trying to do something each day and clear a little mess and muddle each day. Laptop is sicker than I am, so it cuts out or goes back to sleep if I attempt more than a few words.

I 've just been catching up on threads at this ungodly hour S. Had a long day of getting nowhere and out later today to attempt to sort the getting nowhere out.

I read your Turtle post and am wondering if copying it to here may help. We all have different experiences , problems and ponderings and maybe some suggestions could show alternatives. I know I've benefited at times from another point of view. Sometimes we find ourselves going round in circles when some changes could make a difference.

It's your choice but I'm not sure selling your house to DS is a solution. No idea if your mum owns or rents but there are a lot of family members she may want to include in her will which if owned would mean selling.

I think finding homes for stuff in your room and mums which would normally be in kitchen storage or with bedding etc a proper cupboard would make a difference as would seeing if one or more sons would move those rocks and stones near where they're going to be used. You're really damaging your health shifting stuff back and forth.

I do think considering some online work could be an idea but only after you aren't caught up with all the stuff. There's no clarity or peace of mind while there are so many things to drag you down each time a new dawn arrives. It's just a daily reminder of everything that's draining you. Someone with no health problems would be affected by the situation but your health is going downhill physically  and mentally. Remember a willing horse will be worked until it drops. It's your mums home but you are the workhorse and need a straight talk with her. You are a carer not a robot.

pollyx

MingVase

Iwish you could get a good night's sleep Polly, it would do you the world of good. I hate this half alive twilight feeling we get when we're ill and not sleeping.

mothernerd

Hugs and thanks Polly and Ming.  I have to say I quite enjoy being ill (properly ill). I spend much of my time dragging myself around, working as best I can, within my limits. When I reach the point where I have no alternative but to stay in bed, it's such a relief. I do sympathise with the not sleeping. I had many years of it but my CPAP machine is wonderful and I sleep properly. When you are stopping breathing over 60 times an hour you never get to proper restful sleep and wake up at the slightest sound (as well as sounding like a pig that's being attacked with a chain saw, as DS1 so eloquently put it).

mothernerd

Blame Polly for this, she suggested it

Belatedly 'setting out my stall' (aka clinging onto straws and sanity). Not sure I have a purpose. I don't want to be defined by being mum's carer. Health, Wealth and A Life Well lived - need action on all three.

Health - struggling with both mental and physical health and not even sure which is causing the most problems. I saw the practice nurse on 23rd August and I'd already been 'under the weather' for several weeks then. Due to mum's absent immune system and my compromised one, September - March is difficult but to be only at the start and already so under par is very concerning. Mental health - lots of red flags/ markers (I've started jotting them down, before I start tackling officialdom). Big things are the stress of being a carer, living in limbo land and the wider political situation. I try not to watch the news but previous life experiences mean I'm very good at extrapolating and knowing how things might pan out and I don't want to be the frog in the water coming to the boil

Wealth -totally fed up with having no money. I'm managing now but as prices rise I'm too near the edge to feel safe and not sure how I can change the situation. Have tentatively raised the idea of DS3 buying my house off me (well received) but would have a lot of legal stuff to sort out. My accountancy/ business studies mean I'm fairly good at contract law (plus employment and environmental law), would have no problems writing a will or drawing up Articles of Association but know nothing about mortgages. I'm also considering making an application for benefits

A Life Well Lived With 2 years, 3 months and 10 days to retirement, I've decided that scraping along until then is not enough. I need more but I've been running on empty for so long that I'm not sure what I can do and every little effort exhausts me. So it's going to be lots of tiny baby steps.

Fun sadly lacking. Lots of reading happening

Intellectual pursuit  Going to have to be my puzzle books for now (new one out today). The let me test my mental alertness (increasing hopefully). there were several that I was struggling with and then last week I revisited them and found some answers jumping out at me.

Thankfulness always

Food Another struggle (problems with how long I can stand up, ideas for what to cook, seesawing between not feeling hungry and being ravenous). Last week I did quite well with some sandwich fillings on wraps, supplemented with an equal/ greater helping of veg. Going to repeat that this week (food delivery came yesterday), have allowed myself 5 ready meals and I have apples, grapes and tinned fruit so will try to include 3 fruit portions a day. I also bought a tub of multivitamins which will help with the gaps.

Overhaul Will do what I can. lots of trips to recycling bins, shuffled shelves to make more room for books and will set another row of seedlings off (and pot up some of last month's salad leaves to grow on indoors. I have a larger space to put some things in boxes (have used 3 drawers as bookshelves). Small collections for cs, food bank, visitors with small children. Still need to do a full food audit - old supplies are nearly used (new stuff has been put in the shed) but mum's put piles of bedding on top of the ones in her room so they're difficult to see and there's very little pace to get down on the floor to be level with them (and don't even want to think about trying to get up again)

Read Should that be a couple a day apple? Will do my best. 7 new library books came in, 2 read, 3 more started + further instalments of 5 series.

Plan  A bit fluid atm. Have a list of tasks and trying to do one each day (hopefully the most urgent). Getting flustered by things that should be fairly simple to sort out (but sorting out other people's mistakes), have told myself I'm not going to cry at least 3 times today

Understand  what brings you joy - Will write a list. have a project book and am developing lists definitely need this one (and to get games and music up on the new laptop)

Rejoice and Reduce A work in progress

Plan for December and the winter months In hand. Must talk to DS3 and his Beloved (if all else fails pass the burden of heating onto them)

stop and simply be  Not a lot of choice but sitting back and pondering 9letting things settle, has helped enormously. Simplify  Over and over

extend a hand  cs, food bank , learn to accept help myself and explore what help is available

The month so far. Everything is difficult but trying to do at least one thing each day including completing and sending off mum's tax return, putting the bins out (and continually rounding up stuff to go in the bins), basic hygiene (mostly washing myself with a flannel and hot water but did get myself into the shower - hair washing had to wait until this week as I was going dizzy and wasn't going to risk bending forwards), extra grooming (toenails, cut my fringe back), pegging out washing (chair either end of the line and a 5 minute sit down), moving edging stones (spent 40 minutes of which 10 minutes were actually moving 2 stones on the dolly truck and bringing in lumps of concrete on the return journey). Again had a chair in the yard and one by the gate - put stone onto dolly, 5 minute sit down, move dolly to gate, 5 minute sit down, stone into position, sit down, collect 1 or more concrete blocks etc etc.

Today I've moved 2 more stones into position, mixed one load of sand and cement, fixed 4 edge stones (2 along the front and 2 beside the path) and 3 rocks in the corner space. Today has been a NSD, yesterday wasn't (mum had an old lady catalogue and some cards to pay for).

Gratitudes getting some things done, books, easy food

Some of this might not be appropriate here, it's taken verbatim from an entry in this month's turtle challenge fit For Purpose. I haven't been posting much because the old laptop was sicker than I was and wouldn't stay on for more than 5 minutes, if at all.

 Hit a slump in the middle of last month and have been sitting back, pondering and 'letting things settle'. Very little getting done and not sure if that's physical (extremely run down) or mental (exhausted, everything's an effort - lots of markers eg just washing myself each day is an effort). I actually didn't wash on two days (accidentally). I had intended to do a mucky task and thought I'd do it first thing and then shower. However I got involved with something else and it was late on in the day when I realised I hadn't had a wash or a shower (oh dear).

Washing clothes and bedding is only happening about once a week (normally twice or three times, especially in the hot weather) but it's mainly okay as I've not been going anywhere (going to town, even with a taxi each way has just been too much a lot of the time) and have enough tunics/ long t-shirts to bridge any clothing gaps (as long as my bum is covered if I venture outside).

My house and the bungalow both have pros and cons as a base (tap water at my house is delicious and I'm 5 minutes away from lots of places - if I'm ill I can stagger to little Arseda in the evening to stock up on drinks and soft food that doesn't need cooking, or if that's too much, to the off licence/ convenience store). Big attraction of the bungalow is no stairs (when I'm ill or dizzy I can get to the bathroom and back, holding onto furniture and door frames if necessary but going near the stairs is a no no and I get fed up of asking DS3 and Beloved to fetch 2l bottles refilled with tap water. Stairs are just a struggle. I've also done a lot in the garden here (bungalow) and would like to do a lot more but would lose that if the bungalow had to be sold. Also it's newer and most jobs have been done - not keen on the bathroom cladding and other decorative aspects (never had a tiny kitchen) but it's convenient and I could live with it 

Mum hinted at me keeping on the bungalow after she's gone (one of her favourite topics) but I said my brother might need it more and I wasn't sure if I could afford the running costs. I've recently been thinking I might like to live here and if that would be possible. My mother rents out her other house (originally my grandma's) and there would be some money as well so it wouldn't take much to give my brother an amount to make our shares equal. I may sound mercenary but it's more that I'm always the one who has to sort things out (when my father died, when my brother died) and I'd like to have a plan in place (or maybe half a plan) as these things can be exhausting at the best of times. Mum's lodger can keep any furniture he wants (mum half expects me to take total responsibility for him as well as baby brother but I think I've got out of that).

Not sure if I can work online Polly - not confident about my tech skills but I'll put it in the pondering cauldron along with everything else. Thank you for listening. 

prepareathome

Mothernerd I think what you are managing is amazing - you should see the state of my gardens as apart from man coming to cut the grass and stop hedges blocking the pavements outside ( there are a lot of hedges as side garden is massive) nothing has been done as just not been up to it this year except stopping the bindweed from one side killing the plants that were growing - fruits trees and bushes  Apart from that any flowers that appeared are what nature is giving me or have survived from last year - still have quite a few but it's a all overgrown and either I have to get out there or pay someone to come and clear it as cannot let it go another summer.  So much I had planned to do but was beyond me.

I had some type of bug in Jan 2020 that flattened me for 3 weeks (dr came out a few times and did consider hospital but felt as they were busy best to treat me herself at home then a repeat in March 2020, but not as bad so did not call dr (son had similar symptoms this time, but worse than me and as he worked for NHS was tested for Covid 19 and was positive but me as humble member of the public was not of course back then.  Since then, every few weeks I was flattened with high temp, sore throat and cough but when had first actual test in the August of that year was negative as had every one since.  Temps and sore throats became every other day and when vaccinations arrived, I asked (can only have AZ) I ended up speaking to a virologist who advised me not to have them until temps and sore throat stopped.  That joy happened at last three weeks ago - I do have ME/Fibro /Diabetes and something in my brain that makes my body do its own thing - mainly my bladder but limbs as well, which normally anyway keeps me in bed 99% of the time but never the sore throats or high temps.

Had to see GP as have a weird sore spot on back at side just below right lung which has just slowly got more painful but only if touched plus making all the skin hurt or burn all the way up my back - so dr wanted to examine me although nothing to see on outside.  She feels vaccination at this time not a good idea until we know what is causing this, think I had an attack of pleurisy in July - couldn't get through to drs but as had it for a year about 20 years ago I know the symptoms and how to treat it so she reckons its most likely to do with that - sent me for a x-ray as x-smoker ( sig) but all clear but now have to wait two weeks till I have a phone consultation with her.  

Now I know been all doom and gloom but want to say rays of sunshine can happen - I am sitting in bed all achy but oh boy heart is happy as I got out three times this week - me who for past 5 years or so was lucky if she got out once a month, usually far less.  It was one of those good weeks like I used to have early on in my Fibro/ME journey and was still able to function as a normal human being on the whole.  

We took dogs to dog park for an hour on Monday and again on Thursday and today got to my mammogram (rescheduled twice as not up to going) -just the screening one.  So, I am on cloud nine.  So long since even an odd week in a year has been like this.  Yes, rest of time in bed but didn't feel too bad and compared to how ill I have felt since March 2020, which I did not realise I was feeling until it went 3 weeks ago.  

So hoping as body is feeling happy about no illness I can tackle my house - sewing/craft room and living room as fabrics have migrated there as craft room such a mess.  

I did do a very silly thing today.  Got out of car and walked into the hospital without a mask on, lots of people around, all masked and no one said anything and I was half way down a corridor when I realised, so thankfully chairs nearby so bag and crutch placed on it and mask out and on.  I have been so careful all this time that am hoping I haven't blown it being so near being able to get vaccination.   It's been out where people are so little its still not engrained practise, don't need to bother for secure field for dogs as no-one else there not even the owner ever.   

So, keeping everything crossed all ok - Anyway if I do pop off from it I at least got one good week and celebrated my 41-wedding anniversary DH is not a gardener in any way, he would happily move to a flat.

Hope you all have as good a weekend as you can x

PS Polly no idea what caused that panic attack I mentioned on other thread - it was more physical than mentally affecting me, head was clear no anxiety, just body, went and left me feeling a tad out of it but ok.

mothernerd

I thought my last post sounded a little gloomy so I thought I'd say the things I've done over the past month (sort of came to a complete standstill mid September) have been working. I'm waking up feeling rested, relaxed and even slightly hopeful sometimes. I'm getting 'ready for the day' in slow stages, it takes as long as it takes. I've enjoyed cooking when I've felt able or wanted to do it. I'm taking short cuts that are available - I'm not a huge fan of ready meals but there are some I like and I try to add extra veg (same with the sandwich fillings - egg mayo with heaps of watercress was delicious). I can and normally do my own (less mayo, half plain yoghurt, more 'substance') but this is simple, tasty and can be assembled on a plate or tray on my lap.

The multivitamins were cheap, are the size of horse pills and need to be swilled down if they don't go willingly but it's just a step to make me feel I'm covering any nutrition gaps. Years ago I would drink massive amounts of orange juice or cranberry and raspberry to cope with colds/ coughs/ sore throats but it must have been a contributing factor to my diabetes and is a no no now. I occasionally buy one of those packs for children's lunch boxes (3 small ones with straws) and have each one over 2 -3 days and I have a small glass with breakfast when on holiday with mum (last one was twixmas 2019).

Mum is ordering herself a limited number of Wilting Farm Foods meals each week and I'm letting her get on with it and not commenting (it's part of her pretending she's independent), as long as I anticipate all her other needs - I quite enjoy her asking me to add something 'next time I put an order in' and me producing it immediately (regular stock checking is mostly working although I still want/ need to do a full check). I'm still doing a Sunday lunch (now that mum is sufficiently recovered to enjoy them) but they're mix and match - we had 'gammon' (Iceland 4 for £10 ready to cook) and chips last week, some weeks I've cooked all of a pack of chicken breasts and used the others in dishes or frozen them singly/ in pairs. 

I'm not eating 100% healthy or cooking everything from scratch but I'm somewhere between 60 and 80% most days. I'm not being wildly productive but managing to do one thing off my to do list each day. Doing everything in slow stages - 2 of the edging stones had been outside for over a week (waiting for more sand and cement to arrive and then it either rained or I didn't feel up to it). Did the tiny outside of the path bit because I didn't want sand and cement there. I push each edging stone over, onto the dolly truck or beside it, shuffle it into position, rest before moving it (no weight with the dolly just manouevering it along) and then stop and slide/tip it right next to the trench it's going in. My aim for the day I moved 2 stones was just to move those stones.

Yesterday I kept overheating (alternately covering myself up then throwing the covers off) and going dizzy (even when sitting still). Mum has started putting the heating on, which doesn't help. So I sat outside on a chair in the garden (sunny but very chilly) with a light thrown draped over my shoulders and wrapped round my front. Overdoing things makes me cough and gasp for breath so I stop at once if that happens. I'm reading one or two books each day so lots of resting. Slowly shuffling and sorting stuff and leaving heavier stuff for a good day (bit few and far between).

Yesterday's task was emailing the waste wizard people about collecting the rubbish - concrete lumps, 4 pieces of wood that made up the dining table top and assorted pieces of metal and wood. I weighed up having a small skip but chose this - two men and a small caged truck, they do all the lifting, collect all the stuff and put it in the cage, aim to do it in less than 10 minutes. They charge by volume (but heavy stuff like the concrete lumps is charged by weight), they're fully licensed and aim to recycle as much as possible (can't remember their percentage). I may not get rid of all the rubbish (will hang onto the table base for a while longer) but the bulky, dangerous trip hazard stuff will be gone, A smallest size skip would have held more but it would have had to go outside the fence on what remains of the drive to this house (or incur a further £35 charge for it being on the pathway) and I would have  done all the moving, hefting it into the skip etc and then had to get them to come back and collect it. 

If I feel good later on I'll sit outside and sort 'stones'. The large concrete lumps are all in the trolley (small supermarket trolley enormously useful as I find picking things up off the floor difficult to impossible) and I want to keep all the decorative chippings (would actually like to consign then to the outer regions of hell but mum picked them and paid for them and they're occasionally useful) but there's an in between category. Small lumps of cement, mortar, broken brick that are ugly and useless. I've estimated there are about 3 buckets worth (one bucket is already filled) and some are set aside (sifted out when I did the soil/ weed/ stone/ rubbish sieving) but some are not. If the light is good enough I can continue with my embroidery wip (or sew the other 3 sides of the cushion now that I have broad bias binding to finish it off).

Have a good day and listen to your body.

prepareathome

Nothing Old  Style am afraid -

Just wanted to share something nice.  Last time I went anywhere was a Clannad concert the Sunday before first lockdown.  I had not been to a concert since 2012 as takes so much out of me to go anywhere so only things I really want to see are worth the effort.  Next should have gone to watch Riverdance 25th Anniversary show in May 2020 but of course, cancelled. Last night I saw it.  Have spent weeks worrying and being so stressed wanted so much to go but admit scared I have as yet not been vaccinated on medical advice (a long chat with an NHS virologist who went through all the pros - which are many and the cons - which are very definite and more immediate so no jab.  

So, I had to decide whether to become a complete hermit or take the risk and decided I must have a life as just staying in my home, mainly in bed is not really one even if I have adjusted to it.  

So had a very enjoyable tie, show was fantastic as was it first time around but now have a high from going plus worry have I caught the plague - they did check everyone’s pass and I wore a mask the whole time even though once at your seat air movement should stop any virus stopping long enough to cause a problem but I know for next week or so I will wait and worry but am glad went.  If worst happens at least, I did something apart from taking my dogs to a secure field a few times a week - they run round with DH, I sit in car if not a day I can do more as they won’t go out without me.   

The tickets were a present from DS1.

pollyanna_26

prepareathome said:

Nothing Old  Style am afraid -

Just wanted to share something nice.  Last time I went anywhere was a Clannad concert the Sunday before first lockdown.  I had not been to a concert since 2012 as takes so much out of me to go anywhere so only things I really want to see are worth the effort.  Next should have gone to watch Riverdance 25th Anniversary show in May 2020 but of course, cancelled. Last night I saw it.  Have spent weeks worrying and being so stressed wanted so much to go but admit scared I have as yet not been vaccinated on medical advice (a long chat with an NHS virologist who went through all the pros - which are many and the cons - which are very definite and more immediate so no jab.  

So, I had to decide whether to become a complete hermit or take the risk and decided I must have a life as just staying in my home, mainly in bed is not really one even if I have adjusted to it.  

So had a very enjoyable tie, show was fantastic as was it first time around but now have a high from going plus worry have I caught the plague - they did check everyone’s pass and I wore a mask the whole time even though once at your seat air movement should stop any virus stopping long enough to cause a problem but I know for next week or so I will wait and worry but am glad went.  If worst happens at least, I did something apart from taking my dogs to a secure field a few times a week - they run round with DH, I sit in car if not a day I can do more as they won’t go out without me.   

The tickets were a present from DS1.

I for one like to see something nice PAH. Wer'e Old Stylers but it's nice to share positives otherwise we'd be stuck in negatives. The moment I read Clannad I could hear the music in my head. I never saw them live but loved the music.

Sometimes you just have to make a decision and see what happens.

Riverdance sounds well monitored and at the moment each time we go out is a risk.

I think being sensible and aware of your surroundings helps but we learned exit stage left years ago pre pandemic as youngest was always a magnet for flu, norovirus etc in spite of her flu jabs.

Apart from a few little walks when it was quiet her biggest adventure was a Drs appt, then into the little Coop to town to the pharmacy when she braved Boots and M&S for the first time since Feb last year.

That was 29th Oct.  She had many NHS appts in the last few weeks all catching up after delay, some were two a day,

I last saw her 29th Oct she was exhausted , sleepless and in pain since. That has been her normal for years especially as Autumn and Winter arrive. She is asthmatic so has been hitting the inhalers. Her boyfriend is ok , as am I. but they've sent off for the tests.

Took a few days to arrive but her BF posted them in the priority postbox Monday. She had a scare last winter but was negative , Result was through next day

Shes been emailing back and forth during the nights so hoping she may get her results today.

I have found keeping those mid year  diaries end of July to beginning of September the following year invaluable . The current one is July 21- Sept 22. Can track meds ordered, appts, when antibiotics , steroids etc were needed plus variuos injections , barbatage , ops etc and forthcoming appts.

For those who remember the hints and tips in part 1 of this thread does anyone think it would be useful to revive them?

I've found some things have changed not browsing or lingering in shops or busy crowds. Sticking to a list unless noticing a bargain food wise. A difficult one is trying to be in the moment rather than overthiinking .I've been calmer now dd has sent her test off unlike last year when I was trying to act positive while worrying and sleepless.

Take care all.

pollyx

MingVase

Reading along but not up to talking today xx

pollyanna_26

Does Beeglie allow you to cosy up with her? Hope pain settles down Mar. Do you ever try the heat or massage functions on your recliner? I wouldn't know where to begin with something like that suppose it must be there for a reaon. Hope you've got a good book on the go. I still haven't finished the first chapter of the new Anna Jacobs book, I usually whizz through books but concentration isn;t good at the moment. Should improve once this Sciatica calms down.

pollyx