Old Style Ways and Poor Health part 2.

pollyanna_26

Shropshirelass said:

I've been craving ice cream too, but our deep freeze is on the blink for over a week now. Fridge part is OK, luckily. It means we have had to buy meat every few days, instead of getting in an order every few weeks, and also buy fresh veg, less frozen. Fridge/freezer is 5 years old now, and advice is it is hardly worth the expense of repair. Repair firm engineer promised to come back yesterday with spare part to try, but did not arrive.... I can see we will end up having to buy new.

I've been having nasty problems for a few months now, possible diagnosis is colitis. Have managed to persuade GP to prescribe Asacol, as suggested by the Consultant I saw who did colonoscopy. (Why are GP s so unhelpful?) So I hope that will help. Have been living mainly on eggs, cream crackers, bananas and pears for a few weeks, as they seem to like me best, as they stay with me the longest! I think there may be a connection to arthritis, but I'm really reluctant to mention this to GP.

I'm loving the warm weather, I usually feel the cold, it's great to wear sandals and a tee-shirt dress.

It's funny you should mention your  freezer. Something has been niggling at me for ages and it's the freezer in the garage.Last  autumn I noticed a few packages didn't seem as stiff as usual . We'd had power cuts but when that happens the lid stays closed.

I was taking some things out a couple of weeks ago and they didn't feel right. Tasted ok but you've reminded me I need to check the thermostat is working properly. I had a big thermostat hanging on the wall behind but that's not to be seen so must have fallen down the back at some point.

This a chest freezer rather than Fridge/ Freezer. It's  quite shocking things are built to fail now, 5 years?

I bought this house in 75 saved hard for first central heating. had a fridge freezer in the kitchen. Last mortgage payment Nov 1999. Saved again and had the garage built then bought a huge chest freezer for the garage. It's never had a problem. Should be able to track down a thermometer online.

I lot of experts speak of appliances built to fail . I think they've got a point. I had two Hotpoint washers fail within 18 months. The 2nd actually blew huge bang and the drum hit the floor.

I bought a Bosch and it's been fin e. -Probably cursed it now.

Something that makes me see red is GPs that pretty well dismiss a consultants advice or opinion. We had a few rubbish consultants but only 2 GPs both excellent.

The consultant who diagnosed fibro for myself and later dd is a leading expert however Dr was alreaqdy there and referred me and later dd for confirmation . If meds aren't working he will try until he finds the right one and change. Only the immune suppressants can't be changed by him. I don't tend to suffer with digestive problems . I can't take iron supplements and eat a fairly basic diet including pears etc.

Youngest had problems for years. In and out of A&E , a week in hospital , a week home rinse and repeat. Seriously diseased gall bladder. Flatlining in A&E. The money guy at the hospital refused to allow the op. Two wonderful Senior Surgeons kidnapped her with my knowledge and took her to the other hospital in the trust  Job done. Meanwhile the money guy ended up in court . serious fraud. he'd been bleeding the trust dry.

The last time I'd spoken to him he was adamant hell would freeze over before he'd allow the surgery. I told him to wait for Karma, oh how we laughed when Karma caught up with him.

pollyx

KxMx

Thanks for the advice re UC, Mum had to claim recently and it went smoothly. My ESA is both contributions based (will switch to New Style ESA) and income based (will stop and change to UC).

I probably qualify for PIP Mobility at least but I can't face the battle, have had enough problems just getting ESA in the past - have sailed through my last three reviews but you never can trust them or the system.

I'm certainly not going to do any actual packing yet, the decluttering means when I need to pack I won't have to de clutter then as well.

I'm with you on the weather. Warm is normal and okay for time of year, hot and humid isn't.

My bedroom is currently 30c. It gets direct sun from 2pm until sunset. Even with blackout curtains, door open and windows closed (at a certain point it's just hot air blowing in) you can't escape getting a hot room. Doesn't cool down very quick either after sunset. 
I have a big need for sleep. 8-10 hours overnight + 3 during the afternoon. Can't sleep in a hot room during day and sleep overnight in the heat is rubbish.

Thankfully supposed to cool down Monday. I get quite ill due to lack of sleep and using so much energy in the heat just to exist. A few days is definitely my limit!

I hope the next place I live is cooler. Living room which is below my bedroom does get quite hot too but by the the time sun really heats up it's higher up at my bedroom level.
A ground floor flat can't get so hot hopefully!

Happily we've not had a bout of 35c + yet which we seem to get with frightening regularity now every year.

Yes i did used to post on mooloo's threads 😊

pollyanna_26

mothernerd said:

I've been outside (stayed inside yesterday and did lots of sleeping - think I needed it). Nearly finished the side fence, 6 x 1 m container bags along the fence (stapled to the bottom of the panel, bag is roughly the depth of the concrete support panel), 2 x 8' raised beds in front. This morning I've lined the second raised bed with weedproof fabric (to stop soil leaking through the slats when it's dry, started to fill it with soil and done lots of 'tidying up'.

DS2 and his beloved are coming at 3 pm (they've been in N. Ireland for a week, visiting her mother) so stopped shortly after 2 pm, had a shower, washed my hair and scrubbed the base of the shower whilst I was sitting there (I bought a rubber bristle broom which is supposedly for pet hair but it's greatly simplified the task of cleaning the shower. Wearing a brand new dress (had it for months as I bought a couple in the same style as ones I've had for 3 years, but in different colours.

Mum had a bit of a blow up mid week (too boring to go into) and I just sat there and let it all come out. I have refuted a couple of things since, calmly and quietly. We have some sort of bug, mum is worse than me (had a cough for several weeks, feeling sick and overstuffed after eating and very little energy). She's been eating mostly tinned soups, rice pudding and tinned fruit. I've been asking if she wants some, whenever I'm cooking (I've also had lots of things like a couple of apples and a pieces of cheese) and tried to include items to tempt her to eat on the shopping list. 

She claimed that she had been living on bread and jam and believes I am buying all sorts of exotic foodstuffs which I'm hiding in my room. So when this week's order came I listed all the things I'd bought - 3 loaves (I've intended to make up some tuna butties and freeze them for when I'm too tired to cook, but someone keeps eating all the bread so I bought extra), apples, bananas and grapes (I've also bought strawberries and watermelon in recent weeks as she likes those), her favourite cheese because she only had grated left, choc mint yoghurts. She was eating dips with carrots, celery and other sticks so I've kept buying those.

She also complained about me using sheets (was actually a coverlet). She thought I'd been in her room and taken a gold bedspread when I'd actually pulled it out of one of the 4 storage drawers in my room (mostly filled with bedding that mum doesn't use) one night when the temperature dropped. When it became apparent that I was going to be at mum's bungalow for longer than the initial 12 week lockdown, I asked DS3 to send some of my sheets. I've since reverted to using as many of the ones in the drawers as I can, rather than them keeping the drawer warm.

My MH isn't great atm so I'm taking steps to remedy that. There's a lot about the situation that I can't change but I need to include more 'me' things and keep them up. Starting with going for a daily walk (outside the gates) and not being locked in at 6 pm (ihave explained that I can work in the garden in the evenings when It's cooler. I think mum is afraid of me 'escaping' even as she denies that she needs me.

Nearly finished the current stage of the garden so next week I'll go to 'overwhelmed' mode. This is something I got from pinterest and it's basically we all need food, we all need clean clothes (one positive about lockdown is that I've mostly worn 'past their best' clothes, covered in paint, dirt and full of holes - I sewed a large seam across the middle of one when the holes got so large my buttock was threatening to fall out) and we all need to pay bills (mine are on direct debit so I interpret that as anything urgent - appointments to book or go to, tax returns, mundane things like putting the bins out). The woman said to start with what food you are going to eat Today. When you know what needs doing today, you can think about the next week and then the rest of the month.

As has been said before, many housework tasks can be left undone when you're having a bad day (some almost infinitely). So Food, Clothes, Bills, Today, This Week, Rest of the Month is very simple (because when things are 'bad' all the things that 'help' desert us) and helps me focus on what I have to do. I have several prioritising lists/ ideas as well - putting everything that is bothering you/ needs doing down on paper, then it's not whirling about in your head and then picking one task and ignoring the rest until that one is done.

It's looking as though you're heading towards a High Noon day. I know you said your childhood wasn't happy but although your mum is ill and unwell it's very bad for you both mentally and physically to live with this constant undeserved critisism.

You were housing ds and his OH and struggling with that. Now you're doing your best for mum . Ever since you mentioned mum locking you in I've hoped you'd query that and put your foot down. Apart from denying you some fresh air it's a fire hazard. I asked elsewhere a while ago whether there was a spare key or you could get one cut.

I admire how you've kept your patience but sometimes the brutal do you want me here or not ? May help. I doubt you'd carry it through but mum seems to have slipped into a pattern of blaming you for everything mainly things beyond your.  control.

Like it or not we're all in this together and will get through things easier if there aren't family wars breaking out.

I haven't heard from youngest since her thought I emailed you reply. I'm sitting on my hands for now.

Not sure how mum would react but would a casual "Would you prefer a carer coming in" may make her think. It sounds awful but you've done your best through life to look after everyone and your health has suffered. It's time your needs mattered. I can put up with a lot but there is a line noone crosses.

When the toxic ex was sent on his way Helen Reddy was loud in my head as I walked out of court. No one's ever gonna keep me down again. They haven't and they wont.

Hope you've had a good time with DS and GF - back to the pizza boxes.

pollyx

mothernerd

Polly I can unlock the doors again but it's a nuisance. It just makes me feel like I'm 6 yo again. It's the assumption that the day is over and it's time to lock up for the night, when there are hours of wonderful daylight and it's much cooler for working. She's lovely with everyone except me. She has zero understanding of mental health issues and very little self-awareness. I just need to carve out a little space for me and keep shrugging off all the comments. Striving to be calm and serene at the start of each day. She has been quieter today (felt very well yesterday and maybe overstretched herself) and has asked me politely to do things for her.

mothernerd

polly our Wilco's is quite large - it's on the site of our old swimming baths which had a large pool and a small pool. I ordered from them a lot online, especially at the start of the lockdown but I've had quite pleasant experiences shopping instore. On the 20th March 2020 it looked like a flock of locusts had been through. The garden department, all the outdoor paint and the medicine aisle were stripped almost bare (I had a quiet smile at two bewildered women saying 'how can we have paracetemol if there isn't any'). I did get one bag each of onions, garlic and potatoes and there was a moment of madness when I wanted to sweep up anything that might be useful from the remains of the garden department but in the end I settled on 6 large builder's buckets from the decorating department for a pound each (tomatoes don't know the difference between a plant pot and a builder's bucket).

The shelves are below shoulder height so you can see customers in other aisles as well as the one you are in. At first getting things online was complicated. Mum didn't understand that though they said they had 287 products in fence and outdoor paint, they only had 6 in stock and there were similar problems throughout the store. We have bought our fence paint from them in the past as it's reasonably priced (mum was shocked when one of her regular visitors bought a can for her - she lives back to back with b'n'q and the paint was 3 times what we usually pay). I've also bought house paint from them - they quite often have 3 for 2 deals on doolux and crown paint (because of my eczema and dermatitis I'm better using a 'one coat' paint that limits my contact time).

When I went in there this time last year (we had about a week's respite between the end of the first national lock down and a region by region lock down/ being put in the highest tier) I went early in the morning - they open at half eight and at weekends it only starts getting busy at around 10 am. Wednesday afternoon is a good time to go to town. It's the traditional half day and although most shops now stay open all the pensioners flock to the market on one of the old market days (it's now open 6 days) and then go home at lunchtime, so it's quiet until the teenagers start getting off the after school buses (many have a second bus to get home but they also congregate around McD's (even when it wasn't open - perhaps they are as much creatures of habit as their grandparents, possibly great-grandparents, this is prime Kyle the Vile territory). 

The SM are all on the retail centres on the bypass so town is usually a lot quieter. Morries is quite near here if I'm able to waIk (if I have to get a taxi it's further because only buses and pedestrians can get through, cars have to go to one end of that bypass section or the other - town route is shorter but a lot more traffic. I've gone in the evenings to get money from the cash machine and been inside on the odd occasion (their website has a feature showing the busy times of day and how busy it is on that particular day) but mostly had food delivered.

Many year ago I started having a once a month SM trip with a taxi home (or to mum's) to buy all the bulky and heavy stuff (tinned tomatoes used in lots of recipes so would buy 20 at a time) after many years of everything coming into the house on my back in the rucksack. As back pain and arthritis developed, I found even putting things in the trolley and taking them out again hurt so I would only use a small raised trolley (or two) and switched to more deliveries. If mum gave me a list of random items, I'd split up shopping into short forays and collect everything at home then gather it all up to bring here with me. Little Arseda (formerly Netto) is only 5 minutes from my house so I could also gather my stuff, then go there, buy anything needed (between big delivered shops) and then get my taxi from there to mum's.

I prefer shops I can see into, so I can assess the number of customers and their behaviour. I think I've been seriously frightened 3 
times during the pandemic. About 2 weeks in I went to Morries cash machine. Because we knew so little (and I was far better informed than the average) I had gone into a fairly extreme regime with mum - I kept the gate locked, the keys came out of the key safe (mum's partners children have a habit of waltzing in whenever they feel like it), most of the food went into the shed for quarantine and I only washed things we needed - mum was eating lots of oranges. I went to the cash point. I was wearing plastic gloves because other people had touched the keys. I made sure no-one was at the machines. Part way through the transaction a man waltzed up to the other machine (there was a line on the ground for him to stand behind and wait). I only had the walker between us and I recoiled in horror and pressed myself as far into the side wall as I could. He grinned. I was so upset, I'd taken every possible precaution to keep mum safe (no public transport, walked to home and back at quiet times, stopped that when they let the pubs/ takeaways reopen) and his actions just negated all that.

Once, again early on, I went in the card shop with mum's list of cards for that month. I was carefully distancing, there were lines on the floor, then someone just walked past all of us who were queuing properly and then someone backtracked and nearly bowled us over. When I went back, I made mum go through all the cards she had in stock (I buy in bulk when they're on offer 10 for pound, 20 for a pound - I've explained that children don't care as long as they get a card and can count how many they have in total) and use all that she had for forthcoming birthdays including the 'foot and mouth' ones. The  Mouth and Foot Painting Artists - she always buys the card packs she's sent (my brother used to buy them and she kept them on after he died) because 'it's marvellous what they do' but then she never wants to use the cards. So one week when her hands were working properly she wrote 73 cards (she took on all her partner's children and their spouses, grandchildren (7), great-grandchildren (18) plus odd bods like her lodger and his daughter (+ child now), my brother's ex-wife, her 5 actual grandchildren (who have all been brought up properly and have not started to reproduce despite all now being in their thirties).

Later on she started to make cards (she has cut back and said no more adult cards but still got a hufted phone call from her partner's youngest son because she had 'forgotten his birthday'), first of all using things we had (reusing old cards and my sequins etc - I bought a pot for 3.50 ages ago and it's been used for all sorts of things) but then saw a baker-ross catalogue after I ordered a few bits for making some C'mas decorations (to entertain the neighbourhood children who made life special when we were isolating).  One night she sat picking things out (I was going to pass it on to one of the grand-daughters as they were doing hm Halloween) and when I picked the list up the next morning she was up to 140 pounds (and it wasn't even balanced, she had far too many stickers and no card bases).

I told her I could get her enough supplies at far less cost. On my next trip into town (I would be dropped off by the market which was just off the pedestrianised main street, get cash or a statement from mum's building society and all the shops I needed were near (even the pharmacy when her pill order went wrong and I had to do an emergency dash). For her I went in Home Bargains (stickers and bits), then the pound emporium - this was terrifying. I was waiting on a line because a woman in front of me was looking at merchandise. Someone went straight past me and then an old man started looking at frying pans right next to me. I turned the corner into the aisle I wanted - it was wide enough to have someone looking at both sides of the aisle. Some parents and children were getting stationery so I looked at the other side and picked some card blanks and I think white numbers and letters. When the others moved on I switched to that side of the aisle but then the little plague rats came back and sidled right up to me. I did get a couple more bits but by then I just wanted to get out of there. I hit lucky in the stationer's where I went to get my puzzle book - they had sticker/ activity books on offer 5 for 5 pounds - I picked a good selection including dinosaurs, mermaids and unicorns. Lots of stickers plus pages/ patterns that could be used as backgrounds.

mothernerd

Okay now the things you asked about. 

My mental health has been a bit wobbly. I worked out that all the digging in the garden was a displacement activity because there were lots of things making me unhappy and I didn't know what, if anything, I could do about them.

About a week ago mum had a 'talk to me', said some very cruel things and tried to take ownership of my problems (which she's made worse) and how worried she was and how ill I was making her. My brother was recently hospitalised for a couple of weeks - went from his doctor's to A & E and then into intensive care. When he was being stroppy with my niece I said it was a long while since I'd done my 'big sister act' but could if necessary and told her to threaten him with mum - he'll do anything to avoid her going round (she couldn't anyway but the threat is enough). In the end she phoned her mum and she told the younger sister who then phoned her dad and told him off (and explained the things her elder sister had tried to tell him).

Mum isn't going to change. She's hyper critical of my looks (oh the torture of walking days and other dress up events when she was determined to make my hair curl - using metal tongs straight from the fire or gas ring, the smell of burning hair, a stray lock falling, burns on my ears and the relentless "You have to suffer to be beautiful"), everything I say or do. She's mostly wrong, we all made a habit of not telling her about parts of our lives. She tells everyone that I hate men - I don't have a problem with men, I just have a low tolerance for idiots. She also doesn't realise everyone will think it's code for me being a lesbian.

My ex OH once said you don't suffer fools at all, let alone gladly. He also said I was the best mother he'd ever met and also the worst housekeeper and he didn't know anyone who'd managed to separate the two so successfully. I think it was supposed to be an insult and I think it's the nicest thing he ever said to me.

So mum knows nothing about me, has a totally different 'life history' for me and no understanding of mental health or how to support anyone properly. I was her support and confident from a very young age (I helped do the buffet for my baby brother's Christening and I was so small she had to stand me on a chair so I could reach the table), she would frequently tell me all her problems and then have a good night's sleep leaving me to lie awake worrying.

However her 'rant' has made me snap back into being 'me' and I like 'me'. So I'm eating better and finding it easier to resist or at least space out any 'bad for me' treats. I love my body, I'm the one who didn't care for it properly (too busy looking after everyone else). But I'm doing it for me, not her. I'm determined to include as many moments of joy and happiness as I can in my life.
I've been doing a lot of thinking (sorry for this mega post) about what I have time and space for in my life and what I'd like more of. I'm trying to be realistic about who I am and it's internal and external, what is my core, what do I need to thrive, but it's also my surroundings. I'm planning changes in this room but not sure where I can put enough things to give me space to move things. Something minimalist mum said about why we keep things, struck a chord. She said one of the reasons was 'fantasy you' . One day you're going to be the person who gives dinner parties, makes exquisite handcrafted items, has a white couch plus children/ teenagers/ animals.

I'm trying to be honest and realistic. One of my favourite house books was the one where the woman chose a velvet couch in exactly the same shade as her Persian cat (so the hairs wouldn't show), who mixed up all the things her children were likely to drop on the floor (ketchup, paints, drinks) and came up with donkey brown as the colour most likely to withstand/ hide them all.

I've cleared out a lot of craft stuff (I can only embroider for 2 hours a day in good light). I'm trying not to start any new projects until the current 5 pieces are done (one handed over, two near completion - one easy , one difficult so little and often, one only need

As it was written this post was originally 3 times as long. I was 1300 and something over the limit. I tried cutting bits and making them into separate posts but it only gave me the third part, not the middle. By then it was 4.30 am and I gave up trying to sort it but that's why it ends abruptly 

pollyanna_26

I will read through properly. I don't mind the length my posts have been quite long in the last few days. My mum always used to say Why use one word when a dozen will do and shake her head.

I finally crashed out yesterday evening after days of not sleeping. I don't know if it was getting some things out that often set me wondering or sheer exhaustion. I had a quick skim through the fence earlier and it was lovely to see I hadn't bored or annoyed anyone.

I like the way others will discuss their things; Often some things will help someone else.

Something that has jumped out from your post is after thinking etc you do like yourself and that's wonderful . You've had some pretty .rotten times but are still you.The Toxic 2nd husband almost drove me insane. Constantly critical , abusive but one day I asked myself what is the worst thing he could do and I thought kill me. Well that wasn't going to happen with children in the house.

I went to my former GP and told her  what was happening so she began documenting the evidence that one day would see him gone for good. I overcame my "What will the neighbous think?" and  ran for the landline each time he kicked off.

No idea how many phones he ripped out of the wall but unknown to me we had two guardian angels a few doors away who would make the call. I only found outnear the end various officers would say someone is looking out for you when they arrived I  thought they meant it in an abstract fashion it was only in court I found out who. They are they are among the few remaining of the ones who moved in to these new builds in the mid 70s.

I tend to write all sorts down. I find it helps sort all the random thoughts, track things and plan ahead. I still do the mid year diaries to record and track things. The next one will run for 12 months from 6th Sept. I chose the first years ago because it was useful to note new appts for Jan or Feb as those months were already there. This new one starts Sept.

I have tracked  everything from dds last proper GP appt on Feb 14th last year.Nurse visits since . When meds were ordered times when ABs or Oral Steroids were added, Meds notifications, When I have been out and where to. Dds first face to face rheumo consultant appt just over a week ago since the pandemic began. I note when I ordered the PPC and when the next one is due.

Phone nos both medical and others. It sounds very boring but is very useful. I can whip it out in hospital, clinic or surgery to check something.

The next one has been here for months and was on sale much earlier than usual. I only noticed it because I was looking for something else on the BusyB site.

I really miss Bolton Market. We used to go there a lot. Years one of my sisters and her husband bought a house in Little Lever around the time I bought this, They loved it there and I loved all the cotton mills and architecture and a lot of the green spaces. He was tied to being  in the NW by his job but some years later they moved to Devon . There were lovely markets. Exmouth used to have little Eco markets we loved and the long Beach it's the first pebblebeach we'd enountered but we took long walks along the waters edge each evening and slept very well.

I hope you're sleeping. I need to get back to some sort of routine. Much as I like the sun rise I've seen too many recently.

MingVase

Morning Fencers. Nice misty start here but set to get hot later, am enjoying it now because from Mon on we seem to be getting rain for weeks. The weeds will go mad.

Polly I've learned after 900 years being married to a ratty man, never to let anybody get away with talking down to me. I might have a peasant accent and live in a council house and always worked at any job I could get - but I ain't stupid and nobody is any better than me. As good as me yes, but not better.

I am a very ratty Vase this morning, somebody give me a nice polish to make me smile

mothernerd

One advantage of moving the bed under the window is that the sun doesn't hit me full in the face when it gets higher than the rooftops of the street across the way. Also I can lean across the bed and pull the curtain across a couple of feet to cut the glare. 

I seem to be mostly okay, I can move but my feet are aching (thought several times that I must stop to put arch supports on). The cough is back, dry and hollow, but there's nothing on my chest. The space between one of my big toes and the next was itching maddeningly last night. Never put anything on my feet except when I went outside - being barefoot used to be one of my favourite things but it's on the list of no nos with diabetes (in case I stand on something and hurt my foot - the only time I've stood on something was when I needed to top up the black peppercorns when making festive meals and the large bag of peppercorns split when I was opening it). I was worried that it might be athlete's foot (diabetics can't use any of the proprietry cures) but smothered them in basic moisturising cream and wrapped a small towel round them to keep the sheets clean and that helped a lot.

Isn't it great when each morning starts with an assessment of which parts of your body are in working order? Couple of minor health matters are also causing problems - not life threatening, not even painful, but encroaching on my life and in combination can make things miserable. One is made worse by the medication I have to take and wearing the mask at night doesn't help (but does help me breathe and keeps my alive and has vastly improved my sleep pattern. Had taken steps on Tuesday and greatly reduced the symptoms and it was well under control but it must have taken advantage of my attention being elsewhere yesterday.

We didn't get the promised rain. it did try. It went cool and cloudy in the late evening and there were some thunder rumbles but then nothing and it's another beautiful, hot sunny day. What problems we have, that this is a major issue. I like your comments about the summer of 1976. I was doing 'A' levels (hayfever and hot sun don't help exam conditions and putting the tin lid on it was the builders smashing up the toilets next door during our French oral exams - a new sixth form college was being built and infant sized toilets were being put in for the new occupants). I remember half a dozen of us, slumped outside like rag dolls, leaning on the wooden cladding of the hall. The hall and biology lab were a more recent addition to the original school and went to within a few feet of the brick wall of the side perimeter. In order to have windows in the biology lab a small narrow space had been put between the two and the tall walls on three sides gave some respite in the late afternoon sun.

I also remember the summer of 1959 (it still makes the top 5 summers on record, because of the duration of the heatwave - maybe the recent summers will push it down the top ten). The story I have been told was that we were in the park and I complained constantly of being cold. Repeated dismissals of my complaint didn't change the situation and I was finally allowed to crawl back into the tansad (I was 18 months old). The next morning mum went to work - in the bakery so early starts. My father delivered me to 'auntie' - a woman of my grandparents generation who looked after me until mum gave up work after my brother was born.

She called out the doctor - I had pneumonia and by then I was too ill to move. I slept in their front room. I have a strong memory of waking in the dark with enough light coming through the curtains for me to see the shapes of the furniture and the upright piano through the bars of my cot. I knew I was at auntie's and felt safe (perhaps this was the point at which the fever dropped). I also remember being in the back bedroom with uncle as he moved things to get at their daughter's old cot, to assemble for me. They had a 1930s house and the bedroom door and the cot were painted 1930's green.

Not the darker green - I seem to remember most hospitals and government premises being painted dark green on the bottom half and cream on the top half. There's a lighter 1930s green and I'm good with colours but I struggle to describe it. Not the posh eau de nil that the aristocrats would have. A mid-green with a lot of grey in in and very matt, not gloss. I also inherited their daughter's hm 'commode' - a little wooden chair with a hole in to accommodate the potty (which I'm sure was a plastic one by then - a pale yellow but may have been aged cream).

I think it's funny when they talk of taking dogs into the hospitals and care homes to cheer up the residents. I checked with mum, as I clearly remember going into our local infirmary with auntie and 'Gwen' a mostly black corgi cross and I must have been under school age. She confirmed that it must have been when uncle had his heart attack. Man and dog were both suffering because of the separation - the dog kept searching at home to see where he might be - and it was agreed that we could take the dog in. I remember climbing the stone flights of stairs to the ward (side or back entrance - there have been so many additions over the years that it's mostly hidden now (staff only part) and the dog standing on her back legs to lick uncle's hand. I can see the dog against the colour of the hospital bedcover (the jacquard loom ones with the pattern reverse on the underside). 

Well I must get on. Toothbrushing, morning pills and a large yoghurt. I'm planning a leisurely day but want to make the bed properly. I brought most of the bedding back in here thinking I would pair flat pillows with spare cushions and stuff them in pillowcases but settled for a sheet on the bed, one covering me (cooler sometimes) and the rolled up mattress cover as a bolster. The washing done at silly o'clock yesterday morning needs to go on the line (no rush as it'll dry quickly) and take water from the water butt for the plants most in need.

KxMx

I hope everyone is enjoying the cooler weather! 
Unusually my part of the country didn't get it as bad as everywhere else, it did become more comfortable after the weekend but still too hot up until today. 

I've been shopping this week and on the bus, not many more people maskless than I've become used to seeing.