Old Style Ways and Poor Health part 2.

mothernerd

I'm not well. I saw the Practice Nurse on Monday for my diabetic review and fit in as much of my MH issues as possible (things mum has said and done recently). Lovely to vent and felt very positive afterwards. She wasn't allowed to listen to my chest (she thought I was clammy which was one of the 3 symptoms I'd jotted down under the 'probably have an infection' part of my 'sick list'.
No antibiotics so will continue to plod and rest as much as I can.

Very little done over the past few days but have tried to get outside to continue finishing off'/ tidying up the garden. Went outside first thing yesterday to move 3 large curbing stones before the window cleaner came (I had moved them out of the way but they were underneath the window so shuffled them another couple of feet. Yesterday afternoon I put together a makeshift raised bed, moved soil using the dolly truck and a small spade and threw some seed potatoes in - not sure if they will take or not but they won't if they aren't in soil. Used all the half buckets of poor soil as the potato roots will improve it. Lots of small collections of rubbish and weeds into their respective bins (probably a small tray or similar in every location I've been working).

Late on I collected another 2 half buckets of soil and moved another 3 edging stones (I'm trying to get at all the stones, weeds and soil that has fallen between them) and brush any soil/ dust from the paving slabs now it has dried out. Really hurt this morning (plus temperature rocketing), throat closing up - just unwell and have reached the point where I 'don't care'.

It is no longer urgent to complete the garden makeover by mum's birthday (Sunday) as most visitors came last week (think my niece is the only one expected and as I have a carrot cake to share with her, she won't care about anything else). I had hoped to do an 'afternoon tea' for mum and her Saturday visitor (who will be cleaning this week - looking after the lockdown baby in addition to her 2 other grandchildren has left her needing Friday to recover (daughter reduced her days to M- Th) so will clean once a fortnight and just visit on alternate Saturdays (I don't care, as long as the burden of doing the bathroom and kitchen is off me - and mum pays her for it but not me). Will try a bit more tidying if I can.

Made mum come back inside as she was attempting to go and do something stupid. I have cleaned and tightened the washing line, will put the washing out later (not urgent as it should only take a couple of hours). I've taken loads out of the fridge, disposed of anything 'unsafe' (most of the things I used last weekend were on the verge of extinction and I've got lots of good meals out of them, so the last skerricks can go). I've brought anything I think is usable into my room, along with a cutting knife and a spready knife and will cut/ peel and chop. I wasn't great yesterday so did a 'same day shop' which included scones, walnut cake and a toffee cheesecake (I don't like the latter 2 so won't be tempted) and a couple of scotch eggs and mini pork pies. Just to take the the pressure off me and make the platter look pretty. I bought a pack of fresh mixed berries (usually think they are a waste of money and will add the chunk of watermelon bought earlier in the week and the last few grapes. I have a bed table (large tray with little fold out legs and will sit here and do what I can, a bit at a time. 

Then later I will make a birthday card as I forget to get on, which is a hanging offence round here.

MrsCD

@mothernerd, please, please, please look after yourself. Could you share some of your worries with your niece or anyone else who comes around?
You need to get health advice if your throat gets worse, too. 
I think I remember you saying your mum didn't want any fuss for her birthday, so call her bluff as you are in no fit state to do anything! Please get help if you get worse though. I wish I could help. xx

mothernerd

Thanks MrsCD, I got through the day. We had a few visitors but they were helpful. Saturday visitor came and did the cleaning and I made food. I cheated like mad yesterday, did an overnight order and I sat on my bed chopping things up and arranging them on two platters. savoury one had mini pork pies, 1 scotch egg and an individual quiche chopped into bite sized pieces, 2 sorts of cheese, tomatoes, celery, peppers, hg cucumber a few grapes and some slices of wafer thin chicken. 'Afters platter had toffee cheesecake, scones and walnut cake with watermelon, strawberries and blueberries.

Mum and the visitor ate well (used the last 2 paper plates from last year) and the leftovers have been cling filmed for tomorrow. We had another couple who arrived with a card and a present. I begged a favour and the stronger of the two moved all the remaining curb edgings to one side so that I can do the final sweep, sift and tidy of a large part of the yard. Mum asked then to take part of the old bird bath to include in their next tip run and they asked "Anything else?". So I did a short trip round the garden rounding up rusty and broken bits. Couldn't get any more off the old dining table but said we would have more tip items in a couple of weeks.

Niece is sympathetic but has her hands full - my brother was recently hospitalised, spent a couple of nights on intensive care then over a week on a normal ward. Niece has taken 6 months unpaid leave to look after him - he's agreed to pay her mortgage and utility bills. I have been resting a lot, just have to keep reminding myself that I am not well and need to go slowly.

MingVase

Well we've had a terrific summer up here for once - the last one I can remember like this was in the mid 80s. We've had weeks of sun and lovely blue sky and that's hugely improved my mood and mobility. Still forecast good for the next fortnight too. Amazing how much difference weather can make to your mood isn't it

mothernerd

I'm actually enjoying being ill. That may sound weird but most of the time it's a balancing act between getting things done and doing too much (and things like mopping and heavy cleaning are increasingly hard just moving things out of the way is sometimes too much). I'm not at death's door or anything but it's like having flu (not the male version). Any exertion and my body makes it's feelings known. I just have to accept it, give my body all the time it needs to recover and let any guilt drop away. Mum has accepted that I'm ill (she ignores it most of the time but the nurse independently verifying my symptoms means they can be taken seriously). She's been asking if I'm any better and even offered me food one day.

We have food after yesterday's efforts and the 'proper shop' arrives today (late afternoon). We have quiches, coleslaw and lots of other bits that can be added to what we have and I might totter outside and sit in the sunshine (sunshine cheers me but feels oppressive when it's too hot - I once worked somewhere that made me very depressed, what can you say about a workplace that has a suicide bench). Just to watch the bees and butterflies and maybe a little sitting down sweeping if it feels right.

pollyanna_26

The weather really does make a difference Mar. it often seems we're ruled by the weather conditions but important appointments etc have to go on rain or shine.

Things here are finally starting to be a bit more organised after the constantly being put back yet again appointments since Feb last year. It's the first time the mid year diaries which track everything over the years have ended up an utter mess putting things in then having to move further forward  over and over again.

There have been quite a few frustrating last minute changes or lack of contact lately. We were all double jabbed long ago. It was pretty impssible to get hold of anyone at the vaccine hub, either for flu jab or for dds very over due bloods and asthma checks. The point came were the nurses were no longer able to do the home checks as although they carried on long after shielding was lifted new tasks were piling up back at the surgery.

Youngest contacted a BUPA dentist recently and was given an appt , phoned to check something b her phone number down wrongly but no reply she then got a letter saying they couldn't contact her, finally managed to get hold of them and someone

had taken  her phone number down wrongly and they'd cancelled the appt for yesterday. She's in pain but has to wait for the new appt. She'd booked her Flu jab at the pharmacy still wary going to the Surgery they changed her appt at short notice to a later date then she had to ring early as she was to ill that morning to attend. So allsorts of ups and downs.

She 's finally ventured to the Surgery as there are lots of urgent checks to be done now. She's quite a distance away so I offered to pick her up in a hackney and get her back again. She said she was fine and I assumed her bf was going with her. He walked her into town for both Covid jabs she's been afraid to go in taxi from the start.

She emailed me on her way back Nurse seen, Superdoc had insisted she have her flu jab while she was there instead of waiting for Boots.

She's got a lot of forthcoming appts at the Surgery. The Surprising thing is she was on her own in the cab. She wouldn't travel alone in one pre covid so that's a huge step forward. While waiting for the cab back she nipped in to the little Ccop for Kelly's icecream. Chocolate this time, I discovered that a while back it's not one of the usual ones they sell. It made me laugh. No cabs, surgery etc since Feb last year but she had to get the Icecream. Hopefully it's a way forward now.She's not at all well at the moment Flu jab has knocked her for six. Sometimes it 's fine other years not. Both her Covid Jabs really flattened her but I sailed through mine.

Everything is flaring and she's got blinding migraines and toothache. Impossible to find an NHS dentist now so BUPA is the only option,

I hope to see some friends back here and any who'd like to join us. I do think of the regualrs often Mar and I often wonder how WCS is faring. I still wonder if AOT is managing with that unreliable lift that can trap her indoors so many to wonder about.

I hope you're all able to plod on one day at a time. We've done that a fair bit over the years but taking one day at a time is best in the present situation. I really need to prep for winter and shortages and whatever is thrown at us in these "Interesting Times"

Take care all.

pollyx

prepareathome

Thanks for doing this Polly - found my old thread - will send name later as just recovering from a panic attack that hit out of the blue, not had one in 15 years at least and still very shaky, hope it's just a one off for whatever reason. xxxxxx

pollyanna_26

prepareathome said:

Thanks for doing this Polly - found my old thread - will send name later as just recovering from a panic attack that hit out of the blue, not had one in 15 years at least and still very shaky, hope it's just a one off for whatever reason. xxxxxx

I hope you can settle down soon .Panic attacks, Agoraphobia and other things were a part of youngests life for decades. Thanks to a very patient never give up GP it's rare she gets them now and can usually talk herself down before meltdown. He brought in a lovely young counsellor the first youngest was able to engage with. Others had been too judgemental or pull yourself together types.

One by one over time the  counsellor helped her open all the locked boxes in her head where she'd buried bad memories. They'd meet every 2 weeks at the surgery and she'd have everything they'd worked on that day printed out in a file and homework to do.

When all those boxes were unlocked she had the tools to challenge those memories etc. She'd always felt worthless and useless and the counsellor said they were the parrot in her head taunting her with unresolved memories so she had to find a way to silence it.

Asked how she could do it dd said Kill it ! No said Jan it is part of you so that wont work. Dd said tell it to shut up and that was the answer,. On the rare occassions it may reapppear , shut up and it's gone.

It's horrible to witness full blown panic attacks , she couldn't hear me trying to calm her down or even realise I was there, she was locked away from reality those times. I can only speak as her carer but I do understand how scary and isolating those events can be.

It's also strange how they can suddenly appear after a long time without one but seems to be fairly common for some.

TakeCare.

pollyx

MingVase

No energy here for panic thank god. All I can dredge up is full blown apathy

mothernerd

I'll join you in apathy corner Ming. I'm still here, still sick but trying to do something each day and clear a little mess and muddle each day. Laptop is sicker than I am, so it cuts out or goes back to sleep if I attempt more than a few words.