Son is using my Details to obtain Credit

LuciferTDark

In Search, the reason people are being clear cut is because it is clear cut, his son is stealing money in bude's name & will get bude into loads of debt & a possible fraud prosecution himself if he doesn't turn him in.

I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to turn my kids in if they broke the law & I would fight to the death to protect them in anything else.

In_Search_Of_Me

No it isnt clear cut! I think unless you've been in the position its impossible to understand how devastating this is for bude....while to us its clear we would do in those circumstances (which we arent it) its not quite that simple for her! I'm not an idiot & I understand what the situation is but I also know that making the decision to have your own son arrested is possbly the hardest one anyone has to make! So in my book a bit of empathy doesent go amis! Maybe thats just me being wussy but there we go! Its budes decision to make & he/she has to live with the consequences! We dont know the full circumstances either...

JoeHel

Does your son know that you know about all this now?

OK, I would give him two options:

1. Sit down together, cut all the cards up and work out how HE is going to pay it all off without EVER using your details to do something like that again; or

2. Report him, have him arrested, get the debt wiped off and he will probably serve some time in prison (where he can think about what he's done).

LuciferTDark

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

No it isnt clear cut! I think unless you've been in the position its impossible to understand how devastating this is for bude....while to us its clear we would do in those circumstances (which we arent it) its not quite that simple for her! I'm not an idiot & I understand what the situation is but I also know that making the decision to have your own son arrested is possbly the hardest one anyone has to make! So in my book a bit of empathy doesent go amis! Maybe thats just me being wussy but there we go! Its budes decision to make & he/she has to live with the consequences! We dont know the full circumstances either...

I never suggested for a second you're an idiot & wouldn't either. I agree it is one of the hardest decisions anyone could make & reading the original post it's quite obvious to me & you too (admit it) that bude is Very likely to be in serious legal & financial trouble without turning their son in.

wherediditallgo

Bude, I really feel for you. As hard as it is, you've got to put emotion to one side & deal with this as you would theft by a stranger - he must feel a bit like that already to have done something so horrible to you. First, get a copy of your credit file to see exactly what he has in your name - there are 3 credit reference agencies & you should get a copy of your file (costs £2) from each of them, as how accurate they are will depend on the credit provider supplying the info. Then go to the police station & fill in a crime report, giving the details of the credit he got in your name & get a crime reference number. Contact each of the creditors to let them know what he's done & give them the crime reference number.

I would be up for keeping the police out of it but for the fact that he's 24 & used your name to obtain credit more than once. At his age, he must have known that his actions would cause problems for you financially, legally or both, yet he still did it. He knew what he was doing was wrong, yet he still went ahead. I didn't get on with my father, but no matter how he treated me I didn't steal from him or my mother. One of the few good things he did say as us children were growing up was that if we did something wrong, we should never lie about it & he would do his best to help us, even if doing so meant involving the police. He made it very clear that if we did something wrong & the police came for us, he would let them take us if we were in the wrong. It might sound hard, but we knew where we stood from day one on that subject. Apart from the debts themselves, your son has stolen your peace of mind, robbed you of your faith in him, & has put you in the position where your creditworthiness could be ruined for years.

Regardless of what the police or creditors do about the situation, you'll need to talk to your son about what's happened. More importantly, your son needs to talk to you about what he's done & why he did it. No matter how good or bad your relationshop is usually, what he's done & your reaction to it isn't going to help matters. If either of you are going to learn from this, you have to talk without losing your temper, but still let him know how much he's hurt you. It's time for him to grow up, face the music & realise that he's probably affected your level of trust in him for a long time to come. You have my sympathies.

tarajayne

I have empathy because I had to phone police re my daughter a few times back 5 years ago. Big decision 1st time but was consistent and did it every time she broke the law. It's tough love and she thanks me for it now as she said if she had got away with it with me, she is sure she would have moved on to other things. Our kids need to learn from their own mistakes, that's what makes them better adults, I know I did! You obviously love your son very much so help him to take responsibility for what he has done in the correct law abiding way and make sure you are there for him every step of it.

In_Search_Of_Me

LuciferTDark wrote: »

I never suggested for a second you're an idiot & wouldn't either. I agree it is one of the hardest decisions anyone could make & reading the original post it's quite obvious to me & you too (admit it) that bude is Very likely to be in serious legal & financial trouble without turning their son in.

I dont doubt for a minute that in those circumstances I would feel that, no matter how hard, I would turn them in but I also know from experience of a simular thing happening to someone I know that the person making that decision has to deal with it & its important to make a well thought out decision because its something he/she will have to live with for years...and they wouldnt have been able to so what you or I choose as the right thing to d may not be right for this person. Only they know that & that's the point I was making really...

bude100

Hi All thanks for the help and support (appreciated) - my son moved out about 12 months ago to live with his partner and thay have recently had a little girl, so further complications (nothing is easy!!) - I talked to my son he said he was desperate, he had amassed aroud 5K debt on CCs in his own name (again the "victim" of CC companies giving CCs away willy nilly) so took out a CC in my name to TXF to a lower rate! I've opened a credit file alert account with equifax and taken out a CIFAS order which will stop him using my details in future. Still deciding whether to approach the police????

Sea78

HI

What a hard decision. Do keep coming on here to discuss it all - whatever you decide I'm sure you'll still be there for him.

Sea xx

itsnever2lateisit?

bude100 wrote: »

Hi All thanks for the help and support (appreciated) - my son moved out about 12 months ago to live with his partner and thay have recently had a little girl, so further complications (nothing is easy!!) - I talked to my son he said he was desperate, he had amassed aroud 5K debt on CCs in his own name (again the "victim" of CC companies giving CCs away willy nilly) so took out a CC in my name to TXF to a lower rate! I've opened a credit file alert account with equifax and taken out a CIFAS order which will stop him using my details in future. Still deciding whether to approach the police????

Well now he knows you know, I guess the next question is what is HE going to do next to resolve the issue. If he has transferred his own card balances to one in your name as he says, what is the state of his own cards, they need to be cancelled pdq. He cannot tell you to mind your own business, because he has made it your business. Then there is the separate issue of paying off the card in your name. If he can face up to his errors, and act responsibly from here onwards then maybe its an issue you can keep in house.
Maybe offer an incentive, like when he has paid it all off without default, you will place a sum of money in your granddaughters Child Trust Fund? If you go down the in house route you need to make it clear to him that there wont be a next time, it will be straight to the police. Sure offspring will always need support of their parents at different stages in life, but the right way is to ask, not raid 'Bank of Mum and Dad'

Hope that helps