My 12 year old wants to stay with me more but his mum is resitting

Fire_Fox

bflare wrote: »

There is definitely weed been smoked. Yes, I suspect she is taking things too. I have just been told by a neighbour that it appears drugs are been dropped off daily. I think you are right & he doesn’t want to hurt his mum but the environment is no good for him.

Thank you for all of this. Things have slightly changed in the last hour. I have had a message form my ex’s neighbour who is concerned. She is a reliable person who works for the NHS. She has told me that drugs are been dropped off at my ex’s house by known drug dealers at least twice daily. She is very concerned for my son’s welfare. When I spoke to my ex last night bother her & her boyfriend appeared under the influence of something.

Poor lad.

The most common partner drug to heroin ('brown' or b) is crack cocaine ('white'). It is smoked with a little pipe. Not uncommon for women to only use that, or to start on that.

Mojisola

bflare wrote: »

When I pick my son up, they both look under the influence of something. I have had concerns from her Daughter my stepdaughter & just an hour ago I have had a message from her neighbour that known drug dealers are dropping drugs off at least twice per day.

I would be contacting Social Services about your concerns.

hazyjo

Time to act.

Fast.

Now.

Your son needs to be with you. Permanently (at least for now). Time for drug tests and contact centres for visits. (I say that with huge reluctance as my OH has been on the receiving end (ex-addict) and I know the damage it did to him.)

elsien

bflare wrote: »

When I pick my son up, they both look under the influence of something. I have had concerns from her Daughter my stepdaughter & just an hour ago I have had a message from her neighbour that known drug dealers are dropping drugs off at least twice per day.

So is the neighbour reporting this to the police - no use her just telling you, as there's nothing to evidence if you need to.

AndyPix

To be totally honest - I wouldn't be letting my child stay one more night under that roof.


I have been around that lifestyle before and it is definitely not an environment for a child




Oh, and impress on your lad that it is his decision and his decision alone who he 'hugs'

Comms69

aninvasion wrote: »

You are making a wise decision to sit down with everyone and put your points down on the table before attempting the legal route. Family courts won't touch a case unless it goes through mediation these days anyway. However I would keep your opinions about her finances to yourself in that situation. Speculation is a very tricky path to go down and can really rile everyone up which isn't good for the child. - Neither is living with a drug addict

Nonetheless it sounds like he isn't living in the best environment. There's nothing wrong with an addict going through a recovery program and maybe the stability of living in a home with a partner and child is a good thing for them but it isn't ideal for your child - I certainly wouldn't feel very secure if it were me in your situation. - Any mother who picks a drug addict as a partner is a disgrace

In regards to contact you may be better off if you can't agree going the legal route as although family court judges do see a Mum and Dad as equal parties in a child's life they do take the child's desires into consideration especially at that age. You will both be subject to safeguarding checks via CAFCASS - only if necessary and/or social services anyway and they will assess both homes for suitability and speak to the child independently - they may even consider suggesting you apply for residency if needs be. - residency doesnt exist in the UK. This happened to us with my step-child even though we were happy for her to stay with her Mum when both homes were placed side-by-side we could see clearly that we could provide a more secure upbringing.

Child maintenance is a different story entirely and it *might* be tied into a contact order if you go via the court. - it wont be, child maintenance is sometimes tied to divorce proceedings If you don't have an arrangement via CMS in place already then I would start it now to take the best step forward. - not necessary. I'm not 100% sure if they will require you to keep up the payments you're making already regardless as you have had an agreement ongoing for some time or if they will accept their calculated minimum based on your contact and income since the system changed its structure a few years back. - the CMS can only (EVER) collect the rates that they calculate The best thing to do would be call them even for advice, I've found them to be really helpful about their processes. - unnecessary, just pay the minimum. The OP is the de facto primary carer anyway and the fact that maintenance payments are still expected is a great representation of the character of the mother

Please be aware though that they will want you to ideally keep financial arrangements between yourself and your ex but if they have to set up a formal from payment her (this would be where they send the forms and letters to her but she doesn't fill them in or respond at all) they will take an admin fee on top of what you would pay. - what she would pay...

I hope my comments have been helpful

I think that factual research may help

HampshireH

& he is a heroin addict on methadone treatment.

Hmm. He isn't clean then.

I would do the following at least temporarily

1) Remove child Into your full time care
2) Call social services. Get their help. Explain the reasons why and your evidence
3) Stop paying the bills unless a legal arrangement. If a legal arrangement check the wording.

The above at least temporarily whilst you get support. Your child will be safe & you will be able to afford to look after him.

She doesn't need a 3 bed house so so what if she has to downsize to a more practical and affordable 2 bed.

As you say she gets full benefits so the majority of her bills should be affordable and even without your son there temporarily the savings she makes there can pay for the 2 bedrooms she will owe money on.

bflare

Thank you all for your great advice. I have contacted social services who said that there is definitely cause for concern & they have opened a case & will pursue it.

Ergates

bflare wrote: »

I am trying to separate my personal opinion however I do not think that where he lives is a suitable environment & it worries me.

No need to do that - he's your son and the suitability of where he lives is *absolutely* your business.

gizmo111

bflare wrote: »

Thank you all for your great advice. I have contacted social services who said that there is definitely cause for concern & they have opened a case & will pursue it.

What's the plan for your son in the interim? Do you have a Child Arrangements Order or is contact by agreement?