My 12 year old wants to stay with me more but his mum is resitting

paddy's_mum

Your son is sitting next to a ticking time bomb! Who in their right mind would advise you to leave him there to get caught up in the explosion?

Remove him from the danger and only then worry about who said what to whom and when and where and why...

Good luck.

warby68

If this were my son he would be with me full time immediately and I would be arguing the whys and wherefores, including the money, later.

He's 12 , go get him.

pinkshoes

If you have any concerns at all about your son at all, go and fetch him now. It is not worth the risk leaving him in a drug environment.

Contact your local MASH team for advice (multi agency safeguarding hub) and report your concerns.

[Deleted User]

Sending hugs, its a very difficult situation. I would either call the NSPCC

Helplines
Help for adults concerned about a child
Call us on 0808 800 5000 or

Help for children and young people
Call Childline on 0800 1111

And discuss the situation with them (including the possibility social services might investigate but you are worried whether your child should be there while the investigation is going on at all). They at least are experienced, and will be able to help you sort through the options before taking further action.

I wouldn't talk things through with your child until you have a plan of action, your son could feel he's to blame for any investigations and there is a possibility if the questions aren't asked the right way, he could be influenced in the way he answers.

You could also use the conversation to find out what social services could/should be doing - they are so overworked, it doesn't always go as it should.

mattpaint

I don't understand how you can leave your 12-year-old son living with a heroin addict. It beggars belief. This poor kid needs a parent willing to ensure his safety as currently neither of the ones he's got are bothering. For god's sake man, pull yourself together and get him away from that environment.

[Deleted User]

Its not a case of not wanting to protect his son, its knowing attitudes to fathers as parents with custody aren't always favourable and fair. I say this as a woman with children. Its not having actual evidence, its not knowing what is the best thing to do to protect your son when you have to deal with an overworked and quite often ineffective social services as well.

I've dealt with a number of social services personnel during a long term domestic abuse situation. One social worker was quite good but unable to help. The others were just plain ineffective. When I was in most danger, my NHS CAHMS working therapist phoned the assigned social worker, had a long conversation with her, she came round, said the counseller had never called and tried to do some marriage counselling to sort our relationship out. Three months later we were all in a refuge. First thing she said to me was 'why didn't you tell me'?

Social workers can be very good, but overworked, some are incapable and overworked. Trusting them to protect is hard, and a risk.

If this man refuses to return his son, it is possible he could be seen as the problem. Very very difficult situation.

Those posters who are saying why haven't you removed your son already are living in a world where the ideal happens. Reality often isn't like that.

chesky

If the OP does take his child full time and his wife contests it, it would take a very brave judge to say the boy should remain in the house with an addict. Particularly as the boy's opinion would be taken into account at his age and, if the OP is correct, the impetus is coming from him.

By the way, I'm wondering how his health issues are going.

HampshireH

OP you have gone quiet. Hope you went and got him and have had an OK weekend with your boy.

gizmo111

I think regardless of what social services say there is a safeguarding risk and the child needs to be removed from the situation, dad has PR can keep his son with him and apply direct to the court for a Child Arrangements Order, Cafcass will become involved at the application stage and produce a safeguarding letter based on their checks and telephone interviews with parents and any further reports and testing, wishes and feelings work for a Section 7 welfare report and interim contact with mother will be ordered by the court.

This of course is up to the OP.

sevenhills

bflare wrote: »

I was advised by the gentleman from social services to continue as normal as it is still under investigation. I guess it’s because everything is just hearsay at the moment & they want to conduct their investigation without my son’s mum being warned of what is going on.

bflare wrote: »

Social Services advised me not to take any further action until they have investigated.

Although SS have said the above, everything is just hearsay; maybe you or your ex's neighbour could inform the Police about a daily drug drop at your ex's house?
It is rather a confrontational approach. In my circumstances I found that patience works, in the long run your son will end up with you.
You are already his main carer, because he stays with you more nights, but your ex could change that.