Countdown from £28k...

ohdearhowdidthathappen

I use autoaid for breakdown, found them through the MSE site.  Much cheaper.... I haven't had to use them in the 3 years I've been with them and our cars are pretty new, so hoping not to! My MIL is with AA and they were very slow to get to her when she recently broke down, I think a lot of these companies are subcontracting now, with mixed results.
I don't insure my phone, so no suggestions there.

ryanm8655

Thanks again for the replies.

Will cancel the paid account in the near future and sort breakdown cover/phone insurance separately.

Am still yet to get my contract for the new job, they were insisting on getting my transfer form first but have that now. Have sent a chaser as am being pressured to input my resignation officially on the system but am reluctant to do so without the contract. It'll also be useful for budget planning going forward.

Going to book a hotel for my law assessments for Friday, just need it as somewhere quiet and free of interruptions but will also be nice to relax even though I can't go anywhere ha. May book somewhere scenic so I can at least go for a nice stroll when I finish. Going to push to sell a couple more fragrances to fund it. One more night and I'll have a free stay on hotels.com, not that it will be much use for a while yet...

Not much else happening, especially as I have fewer cards now and hence fewer direct debits, so can't even update the spreadsheet with those ha. Can distract myself with a bit of law prep but once that is out of the way I really should get back into reading...

Thanks,
Ryan

ryanm8655

A bit of an update.

Transfer form in, so now just waiting for the contract...then I can start planning with the new budget.

Did my assessments for the law training contract, should hear back from them within the next month. Felt they went ok but tricky to say with the written exercise as there could be something I missed given the limited time but fingers crossed...

On the living at home front I have now been asked to pay £50/week rent. That's fair enough and I planned to pay that once I got a pay rise anyway. The timing is a bit irritating as I plan my budget on payday so all of my money has been allocated. Should be ok though. I'll have to start thinking about what I am spending on shopping though, as it makes everything a bit tighter if I'm going to hit £2k/month. Also things like buying the family fish and chips at £30 on a Friday. All of this was adding up and I think those spends tend to go unnoticed, where as the rent formalises that at least. Though I was just presented with the weekly shop...(it was a joke but I know it was a subtle little dig).

I am starting to get uncomfortable here though. Struggling without my own space. The only table is in the kitchen so I have to work in there and it's the hub of the home. My room is also the kids playroom/general junk that won't fit anywhere else room. It's also quite a judgmental household (subtle little digs here and there) and I feel like a child rather than an adult. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle it to be honest. All of my friends are now doing stuff, like going out for dinner etc. While I can't so am starting to get the FOMO and it's also embarrassing explaining that I've been told I'm not allowed...I get the risk aversion but it's starting to drive me crazy mental health wise...If I do meet a friend for lunch I wonder if I'm going to be told off/moaned about. I do appreciate they have helped me out a lot, don't get me wrong.

BabyStepper

Is it nearly a year now you've been living at home? I think you've done amazingly well. There are not many families who could cope with that (on both sides). My OH's mum made it quite clear when he moved out that returning was not an option, ever. You've really managed to make the most of the opportunity though, getting a massive amount of debt cleared and keeping everything mostly sweet with your parents. Bravo! 

Maybe starting to plan for moving out wouldn't hurt? You could always start drafting an alternative budget for if you had your own place, or sharing with a pal. Take a few months to figure out the budget, save a deposit, etc. You're in a much stronger position financially than you were a year ago. I don't know what the virus has done to rental costs but might be worth exploring. Of course it would slow down the debt repayments but it looks like that will happen anyway with your parents asking for rent and food contributions. 

Just a thought.  

Homegrown0

It's a hard balance between compromising on your happiness/ flexibility/ freedom and the quality of your family relationships with sucking it up so you can get the debt paid down and set yourself up properly for your future. I don't envy you that one. 

I wonder if having a plan in place would make it a little easier - i.e. being very specific about what you're contributing to and making sure there's an end in sight. For example, you could make sure it's crystal clear between you and the family that you're staying with what you'll pay for. Are you just expected to pay £50p/w or £50p/w + groceries? As you say, that all adds up and could impact on your financial planning if you're guilted into contributing to more than you'd agreed. At least if more is expected you can loosely budget for that. 

Similarly, if you have a loose plan, then i think that would help you as you could count down to moving out. E.g. if you can work out what your ideal moving out scenario would look like (debt free? £Xk deposit for a new place? Moving expenses? Emergency fund?). How long would that take to achieve. If you can put timings to that based on actual figures then it might make it a lot easier to put up with the difficult elements. 

I'm not sure it's fair for your family to 'not let you' out to see anyone either. I guess as long as you're taking the correct precautions to keep everyone safe, then it shouldn't be an issue. As you say, you're an adult, not a child. My only exception here is if someone in the household is/ was shielding and there's significant health concerns, as then I can totally see why they'd be overly cautious. Anyway, it's not my place to judge. But you also don't want to create a tricky atmosphere when they're helping you out. Hope you can figure out a path forward. 

Have you got a projected debt free day? Are we talking a few months or a lot longer? 

ryanm8655

BabyStepper said:

Is it nearly a year now you've been living at home? I think you've done amazingly well. There are not many families who could cope with that (on both sides). My OH's mum made it quite clear when he moved out that returning was not an option, ever. You've really managed to make the most of the opportunity though, getting a massive amount of debt cleared and keeping everything mostly sweet with your parents. Bravo! 

Maybe starting to plan for moving out wouldn't hurt? You could always start drafting an alternative budget for if you had your own place, or sharing with a pal. Take a few months to figure out the budget, save a deposit, etc. You're in a much stronger position financially than you were a year ago. I don't know what the virus has done to rental costs but might be worth exploring. Of course it would slow down the debt repayments but it looks like that will happen anyway with your parents asking for rent and food contributions. 

Just a thought.  

Thanks for the reply.

Yes, it has been about a year now and it is crazy to think I've lasted that long, ha. I'm not sure I expected to last that long and I am in a much better position than I could have imagined a year ago.

It possibly helps that I don't actually live with parents, I'm with family so a house of 2 adults and 3 cousins. Though they are effectively my surrogate parents as an adult They do treat me like a child though and we're just very different people. They don't understand a lot of my lifestyle choices or who I am as a person. I think in their mind it is crazy that I would want to go out and spend on anything before I have a house but I just can't live like that. I've made stupid decisions in the past re: getting into debt and while I never intend to put myself in that situation again and have learned a lot of lessons re: budgeting and will always save a bit of money each month, I'll still want to live my life while saving. Pre-lockdown they didn't understand that I'd spend a weekend a month in London, for example, but I had to to prevent implosion and I was still making good inroads into the debts. With lockdown I no longer have that outlet, I thought I'd found it again with camping and seeing friends again but that's now been taken away again.

I've been used to a lot of independence from a young age, my mum was inattentive so I could just do what I liked growing up. I moved to my grandma's at 15 and then had my own place at 17. So being in my 30s and having my life controlled by others is both alien and something I struggle with...

Re: moving out - I did consider staying here until I had about £10k saved but I honestly think I'll have driven off a cliff by then I have a loose plan to move out in the new year as I should be debt free by then, with the pay rise (though still don't have my contract or know exactly what I'll be earning, yet another example of civil service ineptitude). It also depends on career, as I may be a full time student in January, if I do secure this training contract. In which case there may be merit in staying here for longer and commuting to London for study but I'll cross that bridge if it comes to it. If I remain in my current role I'll look at moving back in January. There were some bargains around early in lockdown and from friends in London who have been letting rooms I am hearing there is much less demand. I'm even considering renting my own place when I do go back. Saving would be tougher/slower but I'd be far more settled.

Homegrown0 said:

It's a hard balance between compromising on your happiness/ flexibility/ freedom and the quality of your family relationships with sucking it up so you can get the debt paid down and set yourself up properly for your future. I don't envy you that one. 

I wonder if having a plan in place would make it a little easier - i.e. being very specific about what you're contributing to and making sure there's an end in sight. For example, you could make sure it's crystal clear between you and the family that you're staying with what you'll pay for. Are you just expected to pay £50p/w or £50p/w + groceries? As you say, that all adds up and could impact on your financial planning if you're guilted into contributing to more than you'd agreed. At least if more is expected you can loosely budget for that. 

Similarly, if you have a loose plan, then i think that would help you as you could count down to moving out. E.g. if you can work out what your ideal moving out scenario would look like (debt free? £Xk deposit for a new place? Moving expenses? Emergency fund?). How long would that take to achieve. If you can put timings to that based on actual figures then it might make it a lot easier to put up with the difficult elements. 

I'm not sure it's fair for your family to 'not let you' out to see anyone either. I guess as long as you're taking the correct precautions to keep everyone safe, then it shouldn't be an issue. As you say, you're an adult, not a child. My only exception here is if someone in the household is/ was shielding and there's significant health concerns, as then I can totally see why they'd be overly cautious. Anyway, it's not my place to judge. But you also don't want to create a tricky atmosphere when they're helping you out. Hope you can figure out a path forward. 

Have you got a projected debt free day? Are we talking a few months or a lot longer? 

Absolutely, I think the main thing is having that mental reset every now and then. Pre-lockdown, when things got stressful I could escape to London for a day or two and though I felt judged for doing so, I still had that choice. Or even go and stay with friends nearby.

Good shout on a plan. There was no agreement in place initially, I just contributed on an informal basis by buying food, wine etc. Chipping in for the odd thing (e.g. paid the £60 for paint for my cousins room), buying fish and chips for the family etc. In lockdown this increased a lot, as I was home more. I'd estimate I spend at least £100 on shopping a week, though obviously I eat the food myself. There have also been times where I've spent £50 on the bbq food or £50 on food for a picnic on top of the usual small shops I pop out for. There was one month where I spent about £800 on groceries, granted it included alcohol for myself and I bought some nice wine etc. My aim is to limit the small shops to £50 per week. I have thought about just agreeing a weekly contribution but I know that the "could you just get x, y, z, while you're out" would continue and I'd just end up spending more. Don't get me wrong, it's still a good deal, it's just that there are additional costs in terms of my independence. Today, for example, I was planning to meet a friend for a socially distanced lunch but had to cancel as I've been asked to babysit for the day at short notice as they've both had to go into work.

I had a few scenarios in mind namely:
1) Debt free
2) Debt free and £2k saved for moving costs
3) Debt free and maximised £4k saved in LISA
But with how I'm feeling currently I think I'll scrap option three, option one should come with December pay day and option two by January pay day. Though if I could handle staying here until February/March then I could hit option 3 as well. I should know more when I know exactly what I'll be paid in the new job, I know it's more but not exactly how much more in terms of take home. Equally, I could adjust my debt free date to maximise the LISA by April and move out. Two of the cards are interest free until September/October next year. That may be the best option.

In terms of shielding, no one in the household was officially asked to shield. A householder did have cancer last year and that is where the worry stems from. I can understand it but they are still seeing friends/family/going to the beach and even into work for half a day a week. While another householder has been at work the whole time (police officer). I guess they don't trust me to socially distance...another element of the being treated like a child...I used to go on long drives at the beginning of lockdown and the whole time they assumed I was seeing friends and breaking the rules, when I wasn't. It stems from me turning off a tracker app as I got fed up of being judged for the time I got in from the pub in London or even overhearing moaning about the route I'd chosen to drive home from work (from London) "why's he gone that way?" (m25 vs m3 route out) in an angry tone, while looking at the quickest route on google maps , it was just relentless...

I should be debt free by December pay day, so another 5 months to go...

Feel much better having written all of this down but still a long old road ahead...

Naomim

tracker app?  !!!!!! 😦

Sorry, if you were 15/16 going out for the day then fine but a grown man........... speechless.

ryanm8655

Naomim said:

tracker app?  !!!!!! 😦

Sorry, if you were 15/16 going out for the day then fine but a grown man........... speechless.

Yeah, I’m glad someone sees why I’ve been going so crazy

In fairness I joined voluntarily, it was handy when you were picking someone up etc. So they could see where you are but when I started getting comments about why I was still out at 2am and my choice of route home, it lost its appeal But then they were suspicious about why I’d turn it off...

Naomim

Sorry, after I posted I did think maybe I shouldn't have.... it's tough being in someone else's space. 

We moved to the in-laws for 6 months a couple of years ago when our house was being re-configured.  Didn't have those issues and I love them with all my heart but, my MiL is a control freak.  Couldn't even put an empty cup on the coffee table without being told to take it to the dishwasher.   It was enough for all of us, them included. 

Just keep your goals in mind and before you know it, you'll be back to your own place, knowing you can budget well and have a social life 😁

Naomim

IrishSean

Lol, i'm thinking about asking DW if we can suggest moving in with her parents for a few weeks in 2021 so we can get a lot of work done in our house in one go; now i'm not so sure, lol. 
I can see merits of tracker when collecting ppl but if it were me i'd have it turned off. I remember a mischievous (i'm being kind here) sibling encouraging my mother to go through my bank  statements (taking out of envelope & reading, then confronting me). I was working and getting a grant; I was so angry & was only 18; no debt no help from others so no1s business. I was surprised I survived 3 years back as a boomerang til I got married!

Boundaries are def as important as having plans of ur own to again enjoy independent.