Aspergers/ASD support thread

seven-day-weekend

Snaggles wrote: »

SDW, it sounds like you did a pretty amazing job bringing up your son to be a lovely young man, particularly if you didn't have a diagnosis when he was a child.

How fantastic that he has a girlfriend who understands him so well. I wish him every happiness.

Ryan has had lots of derogatory terms thrown at him too, and his self esteem really hit rock bottom last year. Rebuilding his confidence is a long, slow process, which can be completely wiped out with one ill thought out comment. But he has lots of people around him who love him, and he will get there.

Thanks for the kind words.

Aspergers Syndrome was not recognised as a separate condition when Ben was young, so no-one looked for it. The infants' school did ask me to take him to see an Ed Psych, which we did. The Ed Psych interviewed me on my own, then Ben on his own, then me again. When I went in the second time he was grinning and said that Ben had been telling him about the finer points of dinosaurs. He said 'does he always talk like that?,' I told him yes, most of the time. He then went on to say that the school were worried about him as he was an intelligent child with excellent vocabulary, but whose handwriting skills were dreadful , who would not write at all if he could help it and who could not tie his tie and shoelaces. He then went on to say that in his opinion Ben was a very intelligent boy who was a 'square peg in a round hole' and because he didn't fit the pattern, the school didn't know what to do with him (Not a bad definition of Aspergers, i f you think about it!). We didn't have to see him again. The school were not happy with his report.

Below is a link about AS in adults which we found very useful when we were first introduced to AS. The first paragraph could be talking about my son (although this year he hads acquired a job and a girlfriend). Hopefully it may be a help to others.

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=1422&a=13837

This is another good link about adults with AS, giving both the Aspie and the non-Aspergers person good advice on how to live with it.

http://www.autismlondon.org.uk/what-is-autism/living-with-aspergers.htm

(Edited to add: he still can't tie his tie, but has mastered shoelaces!).

Snaggles

A square peg in a round hole does sum it up quite well actually. Ryan describes himself as 'from another planet' ('Jungle Planet', where he lived for 200 years as a shark, and had a friend called 'cheese' who was a swordfish, in case anyone is interested :rotfl:). He says our planet is strange! I tend to agree.

seven-day-weekend

Snaggles wrote: »

A square peg in a round hole does sum it up quite well actually. Ryan describes himself as 'from another planet' ('Jungle Planet', where he lived for 200 years as a shark, and had a friend called 'cheese' who was a swordfish, in case anyone is interested :rotfl:). He says our planet is strange! I tend to agree.

I agree too.

Ben used to tell himself stories to put himself to sleep. I thought it was rather clever!

I hope Ryan keeps that imagination. I actually love the quirky way that many Asperger's people look at life.

Snaggles

I do too - in a lot of ways he doesn't seem to have a lot of imagination (for example, when he plays, he tends to re-enact tv programmes etc rather than make up his own games, or just lines his toys up neatly across the room), but Jungle Planet is a fully fleshed out, very convincing story, that sometimes has me almost believing it's true!

thriftmonster

BTW a difficult birth can have other (strange) consequences. We had ds1 assessed for Aspergers when he was 7 and ,although he is borderline, they felt that as he didn't feel different, he didn't need a "label"!

However, they did come up with the concept that because he didn't crawl (he walked at 8 1/2 months) he will never be able to join up his handwriting or write neatly - and this was linked to the oxygen deprivation at birth that he had. The deprivation hasn't affected him long term in terms of motor skills or intelligence - but this was quite a odd thing to be highlighted.

Actually I think ds2 is far more Aspergers but he has such a confident personality with it that noone ever comments on it.

seven-day-weekend

thriftmonster wrote: »

BTW a difficult birth can have other (strange) consequences. We had ds1 assessed for Aspergers when he was 7 and ,although he is borderline, they felt that as he didn't feel different, he didn't need a "label"!

However, they did come up with the concept that because he didn't crawl (he walked at 8 1/2 months) he will never be able to join up his handwriting or write neatly - and this was linked to the oxygen deprivation at birth that he had. The deprivation hasn't affected him long term in terms of motor skills or intelligence - but this was quite a odd thing to be highlighted.

Actually I think ds2 is far more Aspergers but he has such a confident personality with it that noone ever comments on it.

My son didn't crawl either - just walked holding onto furniture for ages and then walked at 14 months (he could talk in sentences before he could walk!).
His handwriting has improved, but no way could it be described as neat, and he still doesn't like writing, much preferring to use a keyboard.

smeef

thriftmonster wrote: »

BTW a difficult birth can have other (strange) consequences. We had ds1 assessed for Aspergers when he was 7 and ,although he is borderline, they felt that as he didn't feel different, he didn't need a "label"!

However, they did come up with the concept that because he didn't crawl (he walked at 8 1/2 months) he will never be able to join up his handwriting or write neatly - and this was linked to the oxygen deprivation at birth that he had. The deprivation hasn't affected him long term in terms of motor skills or intelligence - but this was quite a odd thing to be highlighted.

Actually I think ds2 is far more Aspergers but he has such a confident personality with it that noone ever comments on it.

I find that really interesting given that I was another of these children that didn't crawl. I pulled myself up and toddled round holding on to furniture until I could walk.

However, I can most definitely join up my handwriting, and even at 25 get complimented on how neat it is.

I also may have been deprived a little of oxygen at birth as I was born with the cord round my neck and it took me a little longer than most to start breathing!

inkie

I didn't know you could request your childs birth records, how far back can you go? I would love to have my childrens records especially if there is a scan picture because all my photos of the kids as babies were destroyed years ago along with all their scan pictures

My kids are 14, 13 and 10 or is that too far away?

They will still be available - they have to be kept for 25 yrs. If not in the Trust where you delivered, they will be archived somewhere - the hospital will know where.

thinkginge

hi

my nephew is five years old and has aspergers autism, dyspraxia and a bit of ADD. we always knew something wasn't quite right with his behaviour and the way he expressed himself and was diagnosed a year ago

he started school last summer, he is well enough for a mainstream, but isn't coping at all and needs a full time classroom auxillery which the school cant provide as they dont have enuf funding. he is anxious at school with the noise and cant interact normally with other children doing simple activities, this is gradually getting worse.

yesterday i visited and my sister- in law has another baby who is only 9 months old. i visited with my three year old son, who i dont normally take with me. my son is very easily led you see and tends to copy my nephews behaviour, which isn't the best. my SSL'S baby is a lovely little thing who isn't bothered by my nephew and isn't any bother at all, thank goodness for my SSL. i noticed my nephew hold the babys hands down as he was playing with a toy, and go to stand on his hands. i didn't make a big deal of it, as they say you shouldn't just moved the baby closer to me to keep an eye on him but mentioned it to my SSL.

Just got a really distressing phone call from my sister in law to say that last night, she left the room for only a second, and came back to find my nephew strangling his baby brother. my SSL was obviously very upset and asked him why he would do such a thing. he replied saying he doesn't want him there anymore and just wants him gone.

now, my SSL is a teacher, does everything for my nephew, goes to autism support, he sees the school psychologists and doctors at the hospital.
but she really doesn't know what to do. this is the first time she has actually ever left my nephew and the baby in the same room alone. she is so careful. she is so upset. she doesn't get any support from her other half in dealing with my nephew.

she has an appointment in a few months with his consultant, but i feel she should make them see her sooner. she is definitely going to tell her doctor, but is so worried about social work getting involved due to the nature of what happened.

what saddened me the most about the phone call is that shes at her wits end and she even said that what worrys her most is that my nephew may not be able to lead a normal life as an adult, therefore she will have to care for him then also.

i feel for her so greatly, but feel helpless as to what to suggest. i also feel that if a socialworker did get involved they would see my nephew as an imediate risk to the baby.

please please help me

any advice would be much welcomed

tiamai_d

I doubt that if social work department got involved they would see him as a risk. More likely they would offer more help and support for him. Well you would hope thats what they would do.

She could go and speak to her GP, who may be able to get her some more support for your nephew and for you SIL. Maybe get a child psychologist to advise on how best to deal with his behavior. She just has to be firm, and if needed play the 'depression' card, sad but true that if you don't do this you don't get listened too.

Perhaps if it were possible, someone could take baby a morning a week so that SIL can get time with the older child, it may help him to feel less insecure that he is no longer the center of his Mum's world.

Most children have a jealous streak when it comes to new siblings, its common. His other problems will be making it harder for him to deal with these new feelings.

Hope its works out.