Aspergers/ASD support thread

starnight_2

Hi everyone hope you all are well. I’m looking a bit of advice/encouragement?

Basically I fell the school don’t understand DS’s problems, still waiting for Ed Psych to come out, should be this month. Anyway we are waiting on two OT groups to take place, handwriting and concentration. Went to teacher yesterday to explain this to her and why DS finds writing difficult, basically he isn’t a slow writer but his grip causes pain and he gets tired very quickly. I checked on how she feels his concentration is, which she says isn’t great always has to remind Ds to pay attention. His maths is good, which I already knew also. His English, teacher says, he writes to slow and therefore doesn’t get enough work done, I again explained the cause of this that it is pain and lack of muscle strength, hence he will be attending OT. All sound fine so far?

Then we talk about his English again, she says it is fine and that she just checks he understands the work. BUT this is where we kind of disagree, DS is capable of the work when he understands it but his homework atm is suffering as he is coming home and when he doesn’t get it is struggling. Of course I explain to him and help him through it, but 2 hours of work can amount to maybe 10 lines of writing, DS also writes his b, d, j, p’s and q’s backwards sometimes, b and d mostly. If I was helping him anymore I’d be doing the work for him, which is not going to help him. The teacher basically implied, in front of DS, that I’m too soft on him and made him promise to try harder. Now if I was soft on him ok, but DS sits at the table with no tv/computer/anything until homework is finished. How much harder does she want me to be? I won’t stand there and tell him off as he won’t respond well to that, and I’m sitting beside him the whole time, so I can see how much work he is getting done and what he struggles with and what he can get on with. His last English was good there was only one part he couldn’t do, she told him to make it up (at this point I felt like saying huh? They had to write a short report of an even that happened in school, DS couldn’t think of one even with lots of prompting and outright suggestions. Making it up is a great idea and what I would have done, but we’re not talking about me, DS will do what he is told to the letter and no where on his homework did it say make up a story so he wouldn’t!! And that was the homework he’s coped the best with so far (he did finish ¾ of the work just not that particular part).

Now I’m concerned he may be getting help from his classmates, which is basically been happening the whole way through school, they help him when he struggles and the teacher doesn’t notice. There’s 2 things here, I want to bring this to the attention of the teacher, BUT she also really knocked me with her comment about being too soft, in the past month she is the 3rd person to tell me this. Yet all his therapists think I’m taking the right approach and being I am firm with him and there are consequences for his actions.

Tbh I’m feeling a bit raw at the moment and his future (the next yr or two) terrifies me as I feel his teachers are basically ignoring him as he doesn’t cause any problems in school. I don’t think they are teaching him to the best of his ability and the fact that he finds school boring and easy tells me this as well. I am going to make an appt with the new headmistress, but I suppose atm I’m just feeling really unsure of myself now. Has anyone ever had problems with getting the school to listen to their concerns? And did you feel anything worked? Also sorry it’s so long, I guess I needed to get that off my chest, thanks if you read it all.

julie03

my son has this problem at school and has been given an alphasmart and is being taught to touch type and he has to practice at home, he as hypermobility in his hands and writes incredibly slow at times and if he writes faster it becomes extremely messy and hard to understand because of the poor muscle tone
as for homework he is allowed to type it up or i am allowed to write it for him as long as he has full understanding of the homework and i write it word for word
my son has aspergers and dyspraxia
dont know if this is an option in your school but we have a very understanding school and they are great with him

cloverfan

I have two sons who are both adhd the youngest also has odd he is 12 and a half. I have always worried he may be more than just this. Las night we went to visit a new friend of mine who he hadnt met before. We were sat in the dining room with her and her husband and 3 of her children. It was just my son and I. This "should" be uncomfortable for him?? what with his low self esteem etc...... He was excellently behaved(for him iykwim?) BUT he sat there and pulled the label off a bottle of drink and the proceeded to tear it into bits and stick them all over his face. He looked silly but noone said anything we just left him as he was quiet and amusing himself even though I thought it was odd(he has done this before at home a couple of times and I just thought he was happy enough etc....) but then he insisted on walking all the way home like it?? everyone was looking at us and he didnt care at all it didnt even seem to register.

What do you guys think? do you think I should mention it when he has his next review?? has anyone elses child with adhd do things like this?

munchings-n-crunchings

starnight wrote: »

Hi everyone hope you all are well. I’m looking a bit of advice/encouragement?

Basically I fell the school don’t understand DS’s problems, still waiting for Ed Psych to come out, should be this month. Anyway we are waiting on two OT groups to take place, handwriting and concentration. Went to teacher yesterday to explain this to her and why DS finds writing difficult, basically he isn’t a slow writer but his grip causes pain and he gets tired very quickly. I checked on how she feels his concentration is, which she says isn’t great always has to remind Ds to pay attention. His maths is good, which I already knew also. His English, teacher says, he writes to slow and therefore doesn’t get enough work done, I again explained the cause of this that it is pain and lack of muscle strength, hence he will be attending OT. All sound fine so far?

Then we talk about his English again, she says it is fine and that she just checks he understands the work. BUT this is where we kind of disagree, DS is capable of the work when he understands it but his homework atm is suffering as he is coming home and when he doesn’t get it is struggling. Of course I explain to him and help him through it, but 2 hours of work can amount to maybe 10 lines of writing, DS also writes his b, d, j, p’s and q’s backwards sometimes, b and d mostly. If I was helping him anymore I’d be doing the work for him, which is not going to help him. The teacher basically implied, in front of DS, that I’m too soft on him and made him promise to try harder. Now if I was soft on him ok, but DS sits at the table with no tv/computer/anything until homework is finished. How much harder does she want me to be? I won’t stand there and tell him off as he won’t respond well to that, and I’m sitting beside him the whole time, so I can see how much work he is getting done and what he struggles with and what he can get on with. His last English was good there was only one part he couldn’t do, she told him to make it up (at this point I felt like saying huh? They had to write a short report of an even that happened in school, DS couldn’t think of one even with lots of prompting and outright suggestions. Making it up is a great idea and what I would have done, but we’re not talking about me, DS will do what he is told to the letter and no where on his homework did it say make up a story so he wouldn’t!! And that was the homework he’s coped the best with so far (he did finish ¾ of the work just not that particular part).

Now I’m concerned he may be getting help from his classmates, which is basically been happening the whole way through school, they help him when he struggles and the teacher doesn’t notice. There’s 2 things here, I want to bring this to the attention of the teacher, BUT she also really knocked me with her comment about being too soft, in the past month she is the 3rd person to tell me this. Yet all his therapists think I’m taking the right approach and being I am firm with him and there are consequences for his actions.

Tbh I’m feeling a bit raw at the moment and his future (the next yr or two) terrifies me as I feel his teachers are basically ignoring him as he doesn’t cause any problems in school. I don’t think they are teaching him to the best of his ability and the fact that he finds school boring and easy tells me this as well. I am going to make an appt with the new headmistress, but I suppose atm I’m just feeling really unsure of myself now. Has anyone ever had problems with getting the school to listen to their concerns? And did you feel anything worked? Also sorry it’s so long, I guess I needed to get that off my chest, thanks if you read it all.

You don't mention how old your son is.
At 7, my daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and additionally Developmental Co-ordination disorder, over and above what would normally be expected with AS.

As my daughter had poor motor skills, her handwriting was slow, the OT advised that my daughter learn to touch type, and we purchased a couple of programs to help with this. 8 years later, this advice has been worth it's weight in gold. legible work can be produced, without the pain and stress of sitting with pen and paper and this is perfectly acceptable.

Don't worry about the teacher thinking you are too soft. At the end of the day, it's just one persons opinion.
You are supporting your son in the best way you can. It's often the same with hidden disabilities, no one can see what's going on inside your son, so only by listening to him can you learn.
I can perfectly understand how your son is, having 2 children on the autistic spectrum. With my son, no negative punishments would work, so it was small little positive rewards for the behaviours I wanted, it's being creative in getting the outcome you want, not being soft.
I'd not actually worry about your son receiving help from his friends. It's a sign that they recognise that he needs some help, and rather than let him struggle on his own or pick on him, they are supporting him.
Have a heart to heart with the school, and explain the things he seems to struggle with.

I was told by a clinical psychologist, that a researcher stated that as a parent you needn't be perfect, you just had to be 'good enough'
If as parents, we took note of that, our lives would be a lot less stressful :-)

Regards
Munchie

Flyboy152

starnight wrote: »

Hi everyone hope you all are well. I’m looking a bit of advice/encouragement?

Basically I fell the school don’t understand DS’s problems, still waiting for Ed Psych to come out, should be this month. Anyway we are waiting on two OT groups to take place, handwriting and concentration. Went to teacher yesterday to explain this to her and why DS finds writing difficult, basically he isn’t a slow writer but his grip causes pain and he gets tired very quickly. I checked on how she feels his concentration is, which she says isn’t great always has to remind Ds to pay attention. His maths is good, which I already knew also. His English, teacher says, he writes to slow and therefore doesn’t get enough work done, I again explained the cause of this that it is pain and lack of muscle strength, hence he will be attending OT. All sound fine so far?

Then we talk about his English again, she says it is fine and that she just checks he understands the work. BUT this is where we kind of disagree, DS is capable of the work when he understands it but his homework atm is suffering as he is coming home and when he doesn’t get it is struggling. Of course I explain to him and help him through it, but 2 hours of work can amount to maybe 10 lines of writing, DS also writes his b, d, j, p’s and q’s backwards sometimes, b and d mostly. If I was helping him anymore I’d be doing the work for him, which is not going to help him. The teacher basically implied, in front of DS, that I’m too soft on him and made him promise to try harder. Now if I was soft on him ok, but DS sits at the table with no tv/computer/anything until homework is finished. How much harder does she want me to be? I won’t stand there and tell him off as he won’t respond well to that, and I’m sitting beside him the whole time, so I can see how much work he is getting done and what he struggles with and what he can get on with. His last English was good there was only one part he couldn’t do, she told him to make it up (at this point I felt like saying huh? They had to write a short report of an even that happened in school, DS couldn’t think of one even with lots of prompting and outright suggestions. Making it up is a great idea and what I would have done, but we’re not talking about me, DS will do what he is told to the letter and no where on his homework did it say make up a story so he wouldn’t!! And that was the homework he’s coped the best with so far (he did finish ¾ of the work just not that particular part).

Now I’m concerned he may be getting help from his classmates, which is basically been happening the whole way through school, they help him when he struggles and the teacher doesn’t notice. There’s 2 things here, I want to bring this to the attention of the teacher, BUT she also really knocked me with her comment about being too soft, in the past month she is the 3rd person to tell me this. Yet all his therapists think I’m taking the right approach and being I am firm with him and there are consequences for his actions.

Tbh I’m feeling a bit raw at the moment and his future (the next yr or two) terrifies me as I feel his teachers are basically ignoring him as he doesn’t cause any problems in school. I don’t think they are teaching him to the best of his ability and the fact that he finds school boring and easy tells me this as well. I am going to make an appt with the new headmistress, but I suppose atm I’m just feeling really unsure of myself now. Has anyone ever had problems with getting the school to listen to their concerns? And did you feel anything worked? Also sorry it’s so long, I guess I needed to get that off my chest, thanks if you read it all.

It's very difficult, isn't it, to strike the balance between what are the manifestations of his symptoms and conditions, against what is just ordinary teenage stuff. Especially when he has a teacher who has little experience in helping children with additional needs. However, in this case I can see a her point a little bit. For example, Flyboy12 will get away with "murder" if allowed to and there have times where I have counselled the SENCo into not letting his tail wag their dog. Trouble is, he is not easy to say "no" to, he is well liked at the school amongst teachers and a few students, so they tend to let him away with things they wouldn't normally let others get away with (honestly, here you are venting about your son's teachers not making allowances and I am venting about them over-compensating; you couldn't make it up really ).

Has he been statemented, or is he on School Action Plus? Does he have a Provision Map/IEP?

There is one thing that struck me as a huge positive and it is this:

Now I’m concerned he may be getting help from his classmates, which is basically been happening the whole way through school, they help him when he struggles and the teacher doesn’t notice.

Friends like that don't come along too often and I hope they continue to help him. I know too much help can be a bad thing, but their commitment to him will be invaluable in the long run. All too often the classmates of childen who have additional needs are ostracise at best and at worst....well we don't need to dwell on those things right now, I am sure you get the picture. The point is, his friends obviously care a great deal for him and want him to succeed.


ETA:

I have just read that back and sounds a bit like, "what are you moaning about, you should be so lucky....blah....blah....blah," but it isn't, I promise. Please accept my apologies if it comes across as such.

Savvy_Sue

Rather than the new Head, it might be better to start with the school's SENCO, especially if they know your child and have been supportive in the past. Lots of good advice from others, but agree with the thoughts about friends helping, such friends are worth their weight in gold!

Mics_chick

My DS has been diagnosed with Aspergers.
He was 4+ when we potty-trained him - various reasons for this that are too long to go into...
But that was over 2 years ago now and he's been dry during the day ever since.
Last week he wet himself 3 times but he's been dry for last 6-7 days then wet himself twice yesterday evening and once today.
I've wondered about a bladder infection or something like that but he doesn't have any symptoms of this like pain when weeing or lower abdominal pain, etc.
There have been no traumatic or dramatic changes (like new baby, new home, new school, etc) in his life or to those around him so can't put it down to that either.
At a loss what to do really so and wondered whether this is a normal phase or something that could be connected to his AS?

Flyboy152

A six year old child wetting themselves is nothing unusual and should not lead to much concern. If it continues, then you might want to consider monitoring the circumstances under which it happens. Is he engrossed in a specific activity that takes all attention and concentration and the toilet imperative becomes less important? How far from the toilet is he? Has he been told he is not allowed to go to the toilet during lessons at school? Has been confused about the rules when it comes to asking for the toilet?

Savvy_Sue

Definitely worth monitoring when and where it seems to happen, ie at school, at home, time of day, who he's with - he's presumably just gone into a new class at school, with a new teacher? THAT can be a big change, even if it doesn't seem like a big deal to us.

Flyboy152

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Definitely worth monitoring when and where it seems to happen, ie at school, at home, time of day, who he's with - he's presumably just gone into a new class at school, with a new teacher? THAT can be a big change, even if it doesn't seem like a big deal to us.

A new teacher with different toileting rules perhaps.