Aspergers/ASD support thread

Savvy_Sue

starnight wrote: »

What do people think about telling their child the diagnosis? Especially if the child notices they react differently?

I think it's worth explaining in terms they will understand. although it's for primary age children, I think the Blue Bottle Mystery (I think by Kathy Hooper but too tired to check) is excellent.

DS1 was semi-diagnosed at 12 by school doctor. as we were about to move house she sent us a letter we could use with new school etc. I read it, and then asked DS1 if he wanted to know what it said. Classic interaction followed.

Letter: "DS is an able child ..."
Him: "No I'm not!"
Letter: "... who sometimes has difficulty accepting this."
Him: "No I ..." peters out as he realises the hole he has just fallen into! :rotfl:

TBH I suspect it helped me more than it did him. He's never minded being different - we were warned that teenage years can be vv difficult if the child tries and fails to be like their peers. it's always been his choice since then whether to disclose or not, I don't think it would occur to him to do so most of the time but if I say "it might be a good idea" he can usually see why.

He was quite superb when my dad died last year (he's in his 20s now lest anyone think I am mentally scarring him at too young an age!) He acknowledged a couple of times that he knew I was upset, he didn't feel upset himself, he didn't know what he could do to make it better, but if I told him what he could do then he would do it if he could. He came to register the death with me, and was like a rock: passing the tissues, navigating from hospital to registry office etc.

I know DS1 is mild, I know that what worked for us won't work for all of you, but I was so glad to have him with me then.

seven-day-weekend

Aren't they often a support when they are grown up, SS?

When I get anxious about anything my son (almost 31) is excellent at calming me down; he is very calm himself and will do the right things because at that time I need someone who is not going to go all emotional on me, I need someone who is relatively detached from the emotions so that they can see the way through.


I've noticed that amongst his friends (all who have 'problems in one way or another - one is very dyslexic, one has spina bifida and is in a wheelchair, one I think is another Aspie, and of course his girlfriend is diagnosed AS) he is very much the leader, especially in a crisis, he can see clearly what has to be done and organises other people to get it done.

As he has problems sometimes at organising his personal time, this often surprises me, but I think it is a different skill; remaining calm in a crisis and seeing the way forward does not require the same skills as knowing where your wallet, keys or Morrisons uniform are and getting them all together in time to catch the bus!

Of course my son is only mildy Aspergic (is there such a word?) too.

Mics_chick

My ds is 5 (6 in Jan) and he was only diagnosed in October. I didn't tell him straightaway coz me and OH needed time to get our heads round it first but I told him a couple of weeks or so ago so that it isn't a big deal when he's older.

At the time his 7yr old sis was being assessed for dyslexia so I told them both about both things at the same time so neither of them would feel singled out - or left out either iyswim.
My kids are very competitive with each other and neither likes it if we make a fuss of the other one over something they have done well or we are proud of - or both.
My son actually said he wanted dyslexia rather than Aspergers coz he liked that word better!
They have both just accepted it and carried on as they usually do

Savvy_Sue

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Aren't they often a support when they are grown up, SS?

When I get anxious about anything my son (almost 31) is excellent at calming me down; he is very calm himself and will do the right things because at that time I need someone who is not going to go all emotional on me, I need someone who is relatively detached from the emotions so that they can see the way through.

that's it, isn't it? they just don't 'do' the NT emotions - we used to see rage and frustration which we didn't 'get' ourselves when he was younger - so they can be quite detached and therefore helpful.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

As he has problems sometimes at organising his personal time, this often surprises me, but I think it is a different skill; remaining calm in a crisis and seeing the way forward does not require the same skills as knowing where your wallet, keys or Morrisons uniform are and getting them all together in time to catch the bus!

:rotfl: mine has lost his house keys. they are somewhere in the house, because he let himself in with them. he's even cleared his desk! still no sign.

Sarahsaver

Ok how do you cope with BIG tantrums/rage. My ds is 10 and too strong to hold still anymore if he is kicking off and breaking stuff/risking himself and others. He is capable of knocking someone out - he has actually done this recently. Really do not know what to do, thank goodness i get dla i supposse that pays for replacing doors, bannisters, windows etc
He is also on concerta for ADHD and they have trialled dropping a lunchtime dose of methylphenidate - since then many broken bits of house and broken glasses, and giving someone concussion. We are seeing the specialist next week.

starnight_2

DS is 8, thanks for the reassurance everyone. Will see how it goes on Wednesday and where we go from there.

Sarahsaver - I normally have to put a door between DS (8) and myself as it is me he aims for, usually I try to keep the hall/bedroom free of stuff he can hurt himself with so the door gets a battering. I don't think there is much else I could do as long as he has somewhere safe to let go.

sock-knitter

if your child is trying to harm you or others, it is a good idea to ring the police, for your own safety, both of my lads are over 6 foot tall now, and have a lot of strength, both are 15 by the way

Sarahsaver

I am too scared to do that tbh. Bed time and the time approaching it is one of the worst parts of the day. We cannot spend time together doing anything as a family it seems to be mostly about damage limitation and walking on eggshells hoping he does not kick off.

Indie_Kid

sock-knitter wrote: »

if your child is trying to harm you or others, it is a good idea to ring the police, for your own safety, both of my lads are over 6 foot tall now, and have a lot of strength, both are 15 by the way

Thankfully, my parents have never had to do this. My brother has calmed down in regards to his behaviour.

sock-knitter

i have rang the police on various occasions, as my lads are now 15 and over 6 feet tall, at first my sons thought it was a joke, get taken to police station, asked few questions, get sent home, after a few times however, one was taken to court, really scared him to be honest, he thought he might have got locked up
the other son, just monday last week, after hitting me, and the police been called, decided he could continue the fight with the police. how wrong was he, they sprayed him with cs gas for resisting arrest and took him in the police cvan.
every time i have rung the police, it has broken my heart, but now i can see it has worked, and my sons are better at controlling their temper