Aspergers/ASD support thread

studentphil

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think AS people wouldn't feel rage or that somebody needs to be punished because the brain process is logical and therefore not of the dramatic "sue them!" mindset.

It's all those non-AS people that get their panties in a twist. AS just want a nice quiet life thank you

You might be right there.

MyUserNamesTaken

studentphil wrote: »

When I have spoken to AS people I think they are very lucky that don't tend to feel a rage and a feeling that teachers, schools, colleges and so on should be punished because they didn't support them correctly. I have found that some disabled people have these very strong feelings that someone should be punished for their experiences and they feel this for many years after leaving education.

Sorry, but I don't agree. I do feel very angry at the way my school handled me. Had they handled my situation better, I would have achieved more. As it is, school was an extremely depressing and haunting time for me. I can't go back and visit the place, as the thought of it makes me extremely anxious. They completely misunderstood me and my needs. This is in regards to my secondary school, not my primary school. I'm not one of these people who feel my school should be punished, but I do hold them accountable for the way in which they dealt with me. It doesn't affect my every day life, mind. I'm a firm believer in people taking responsibility for who and what they are in adulthood.

MyUserNamesTaken

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think AS people wouldn't feel rage or that somebody needs to be punished because the brain process is logical and therefore not of the dramatic "sue them!" mindset.

It's all those non-AS people that get their panties in a twist. AS just want a nice quiet life thank you

As stated in my previous post, I disagree. You can feel rage about something without requiring retribution of some kind. I feel anger about how I was treated by my old school. I don't need anybody to be punished for what they did. There is a logic behind my stance....they did what they did out of ignorance. I can feel angry for their ignorance, as it had a dramatic impact on my life at the time. I went through hell due to their ignorance.

studentphil

MyUserNamesTaken wrote: »

Sorry, but I don't agree. I do feel very angry at the way my school handled me. Had they handled my situation better, I would have achieved more. As it is, school was an extremely depressing and haunting time for me. I can't go back and visit the place, as the thought of it makes me extremely anxious. They completely misunderstood me and my needs. This is in regards to my secondary school, not my primary school. I'm not one of these people who feel my school should be punished, but I do hold them accountable for the way in which they dealt with me. It doesn't affect my every day life, mind. I'm a firm believer in people taking responsibility for who and what they are in adulthood.

I understand that and I do hope that schools are getting better in understanding.

blue_monkey_2

Hi everyone, DD still off school, wanting to use the PC for cbeebies website - cheek!! I suppose I could do some ironing!!

I wanted to mention the Phil & Teds Explorer, has anyone tried it? I have one for my kids, it is actually a twin that goes to a single but it means that it can hold the comined weight of 2 x 5 year olds! I still have mine now, DD can get into it when she is tired and there is still loads of room for is she was to get bigger and needs it and she is 5. They are expensive but 'hold their value' so you can sell them on and not make too much of a loss. I bought one in 2004, sold it in 2006 and got just a few pounds less than I paid for it and was able to buy the 2006 version, it has now changed in design again, I have debated on whether to get rid of mine but I want it with me, as a security net I suppose, and Ryan tends to want to sit in it if he wants to 'escape' things that are going on around him. It is great, it is an all terrain and you can get it in Mothercare and the like but you'll find them on eBay too now. If that helps.

Right, got to go sort my kids out, thanks for all the advice that has been coming over the last few pages for me, it is most appreciated. Yes, that makes sense about making the noise to drown out sounds - perfect sense in fact as it is not limited to the supermarket. Invaluable help as always Sue!

Sarah, Fantastic news about the school, let hope you son can get into that school, it does sound like it is just what he needs. Do you also think that our kids get angry because when they do start getting cross the people around them do not know how to deal with them so this makes things worse.

I did shout at my husband yesterday as he just does not 'get' Ryan and his little quirks with not being here all day. Yes he does want his track up, he wants it his way not how everyone else wants it (and yes I get frustrated over too) but he was moaning about always having to do it and he never listened that it was not going to fit together right, blah blah and I snapped, 'for gods sake go and learn what it is like for him if he was in a wheelchair you wouldn;t make him walk, just because you can;t see nothing wrong then don't assume there isn't'. It seems to have worked, for now anyway. it's been coming for a long time, he can;t stand it when Ryan 'helps' him do lunch and things like that but for us it is part of our routine in him helping me when I do lunch. i have told him he has to get used to it!! Drives me nuts at times as I often feel like I am fighting this on my own.

I also believe, PN, that there are many non-AS people that feel the same way as you do, feeling like they don't fit in despite trying. I could see myself in all that you have said, I could well be AS, if I am I don't dwell on it I get and deal with life as it comes. It could be that these people are on the same spectrum as you, it could just be that they have not had love and support through their childhood and into adulthood to have the confidence to deal with life and all that comes with it. I read your posts and I think, hey that is me all over, I don't FEEL different, I just feel I have a different personality to everyone else and if everyone was the same we would live in a pretty boring world. The difference is that IF I was diagnosed with AS would it then probably make me think 'Oh I have AS so I am destined to be alone and insecure as no-one else understands me so that is it then i guess'. I disgree with you in that Aspergers people try to fit and fail - this is wrong and as I mentioned before, maybe this is something you need help with, because failure can only be on the part of that person not the 'condition' as a whole. You have not failed in your job so you have fit in there (whether you fit in with the people is irrelvant, work is work we can either do the job or we can't if you can then you fit in) but clearly there are certain aspects of your life that you feel you have failed in. You could have failed even if you did not have AS, but this is an area of your life that you need to deal with before it takes control of your life (but I feel it already has). There are many ways in which I feel I have failed in the past but I pick myself up and make it better rather than wallow in it or use it as an excuse to keep on feeling down against the world. I think to make a general assumption that all AS people fail is incorrect and I would certainly like to think that my son will not be a failure through life and I will be there all the way to ensure he succeeds and help him where I can. This again comes down to something else I mentioned before in having the support from family and friends along the way - this makes you who you are and moulds you into the person you become, if we ignore our children and let them get on with it then they are going to get chucked out of school and fail through life - but I want to ensure that this does not happen to my son. Sadly no-one was there to do this for me through my childhood so I have had to make this adjustment for myself, but I have only done it because I wanted to do it and I made an effort to change who I was. I would really suggest again you need to get some counselling, to speak to someone who is there to listen and advise not judge, I did and it turned my life for the better else I don't know how I would be dealing with the world today. It is easier to offload that baggage than you think, the thing is you sometimes don't realise you have it until you start to offload it and start to deal with things better.

That's it for me now, better get on with that ironing, I did say she could use the PC about 3/4 of an hour ago.

PS. DD has this weird obbession with 'smelling' me she will hold onto my clothes sniffing them all the time and instead of having a kiss goodbye she has to have a sniff instead - can you beat that weirdness!!! Instead of sitting next to me on the sofa for a cuddle it will be for a sniff and she gets right under my arm as well...... LOL!! it can however be annoying when trying to do dinner or whatever and you've got someone holding onto your clothes!!

elaine373

samf1971 wrote: »

She also advised about buggies/pushchairs, DS is already too heavy for his and I've been trying to find something that takes a higher weight - looked at mountain buggy as they take up to 35kgs but they are sooooo expensive, he doesn't need to be in the buggy all the time as he can obviously walk but he's a liability near the road (we have to have him on reigns all the time as he will not hold hands) so it's much safer for him sometimes to go in his buggy - he also feels safe in it, when we went to the paed, the thing that calmed him down was sitting in his pushchair. We need an all terrain for the grass / beach etc otherwise the mac major would prob be ok.

Have you seen the chicco footing? Its not actually a special needs buggy, but is much bigger/stronger than the ordinary ones and has a very deep seat too. Its also a three wheeler.my 5 year old still fits in his.

PasturesNew

MyUserNamesTaken wrote: »

As stated in my previous post, I disagree. You can feel rage about something without requiring retribution of some kind. I feel anger about how I was treated by my old school. I don't need anybody to be punished for what they did. There is a logic behind my stance....they did what they did out of ignorance. I can feel angry for their ignorance, as it had a dramatic impact on my life at the time. I went through hell due to their ignorance.

Maybe our situations are different. I was at school in the 70s. This stuff wasn't known about at all. It just didn't exist.

I myself have ONLY just found out in the last 3 months about Aspergers. Never heard of it before at all. Never knew about it. Still finding out about it. And I am late 40s.

I went through hell from age 8, doctor/tablets; age 12 psychologist and changing schools. Schools not wanting to keep me. Discussions asking me to leave. But if it's not known about, nobody was at fault.

MyUserNamesTaken

PasturesNew wrote: »

Maybe our situations are different. I was at school in the 70s. This stuff wasn't known about at all. It just didn't exist.

I myself have ONLY just found out in the last 3 months about Aspergers. Never heard of it before at all. Never knew about it. Still finding out about it. And I am late 40s.

I went through hell from age 8, doctor/tablets; age 12 psychologist and changing schools. Schools not wanting to keep me. Discussions asking me to leave. But if it's not known about, nobody was at fault.

I was at secondary school in the 80s. This stuff has been known about since the 50s. It wasn't taken seriously then, mind. As I said in my previous post, they did what they did out of ignorance. I am angry because their ignorance caused me pain and suffering over a period of 7 years. Had they actually listened to me, rather than assume, they'd have realised that they were wrong about me in so many ways. I am also angry because they don't appear to have changed much. I had to contact them for my old school records for diagnostic purposes. I spoke to my old form tutor/head of 6th form. She's now the deputy head. When I explained why I was calling and what I needed, she still didn't understand. She repeated the same old !!!! to me that she'd come out with 20 years before. Phoning and speaking to her was hard enough, without having to hear the same crap I'd heard for 7 years of my life. They got the Ed Psych in to see me. They made me sign an agreement that I would not lose my temper again, having almost strangled someone when I was in the 2nd Year (I'd been badly bullied and finally flipped out). Failure to stick to the agreement would mean automatic expulsion from school. In the 6th Form, I was not allowed to stand for school council election, as they felt me too unstable (they let a girl who had been caught smoking/selling pot on school premises stand, mind you). I could go on...there's so much more, but I don't even want to remember it all.

Here's an example: My interest in the Russian Revolution, Stalin, etc was translated into "She thinks she's Josef Stalin re-incarnated"...that's the sort of !!!! they told my parents. I'm an Aspie....I'm not !!!!ing mad and delusional.

sarah1975uk

SamF1971, could the county council help you out by way of some sort of grant to buy the one that you and DS needs. if not perhaps look on ebay or post on your local freecycle?? just a thought! I think things like this that are necessary should have some sort of scheme to at the very least purcahse at cost price, its not like your wanting one as a fashion accessory is it not sure of your financial circumstances but if your on income support or benefits perhaps the DSS can provide a grant? just a thought!

studentphil

PasturesNew wrote: »

Maybe our situations are different. I was at school in the 70s. This stuff wasn't known about at all. It just didn't exist.

I myself have ONLY just found out in the last 3 months about Aspergers. Never heard of it before at all. Never knew about it. Still finding out about it. And I am late 40s.

I went through hell from age 8, doctor/tablets; age 12 psychologist and changing schools. Schools not wanting to keep me. Discussions asking me to leave. But if it's not known about, nobody was at fault.

I know of people in their 40's and 50's that hated school like you and then they left school had a job they loved got promoted and have in recent years have had their jobs outsourced and they just can't cope with the change.
Now maybe if their AS had been dealt with as kids then they might now be more able to deal with such a huge life change.