Man trouble advice please :(

basilcat7

Jo_R wrote: »

Another thing - don't always read too much into things men do. I am guilty at times of analysing things to death, examining every little thing that someone says/does and assuming that because what they have said/done makes me feel someone has done something for a reason, I assume that is why they have done it. Like, in the past, I have thought that because a boyfriend wanted to go out to the pub with his mates instead of seeing me, that it meant he didn't want to see me.
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It's much easier as you get older not to read things into things that men do. I don't analyse any more (apart from at certain times of the month when everything is awful) !!

hobo28

Stephb1986 wrote: »

i tried ringing him this morning he didnt answer ive txt him but no reply lucky ive already finished work and he finishes at half 1 so i'll go round and see him. I know im sort of being selfish and i know he has to work but if he had money trouble he should come to me and he knows that ive just got 75k its not like im short of cash. I know i was childish by havin a mini tantrum about him working but ignoring me for nearly 2 days is a hell of alot more childish dont you think?? im not trying to take the blame off me but im the one thats trying to make up and he's just not replying or answering.

Stephb xx

Well I'm sort of hoping he's dumped you and thats the reason he's not responding. Personally I'd say take the hint.

Horace

I think the boyfriend has had a lucky escape - there's nothing worse than someone being needy, clingy and immature.

Like I said before - Get Over Yourself. Consider yourself dumped and move on.

genfink

Horace - that's a bit mean, but it's a free country (forum) and you're more than entitled to your opinion.

StephB - seen it done it worn the t-shirt.
In my opinion, don't contact him, he's probably feeling a bit put upon and needs to chill out a bit. He'll get in touch in due course.
In my experience if you're get any more cloying/needy/attention seeking he really will dump you and then you'll be hurt.
Men don't like clingyness. period.

Also I agree 100% with what the others were saying about not reading into things (though being in possession of XY chromosomes seems to make some genetically predisposed to it!) I was the same when I was 21, but now at the grand old age of 25 and in a fantastic relationship I have realised there is often nothing to read into, it's nonsense if you try.

This probably isn't what you want to hear but if you absorb anything from this message it's don't contact him yet

and I know you say you're not a whinger, but you do come across as rather whiny on this (just FYI).

Jet

Steph,

I think this is all about your self esteem and I want to give you a hug!

You are trying to get him to "prove" that he cares about you by making sacrifices because I guarantee that's what you are doing, right?

The thing is yes he could be using work as an excuse not to be with you or he could just want to provide for himself and create a career for himself.

You can choose to look at it one way or the other. The fact that he is not scrounging your money suggests that he is a decent bloke - surely you don't want someone to want you just for your money?

Try and do things for yourself which don't involve him. He is just a part of your life, don't make him all of it or you will just end up devastated if it doesn't work out.

PasturesNew

Blimey ... I bet he's doing nights, to get extra money .... for the name change and leaving the country!

Girl ... you are: HIGH maintenance!!!!

Gingham_Ribbon

Stephb1986 wrote: »

i tried ringing him this morning he didnt answer ive txt him but no reply lucky ive already finished work and he finishes at half 1 so i'll go round and see him. I know im sort of being selfish and i know he has to work but if he had money trouble he should come to me and he knows that ive just got 75k its not like im short of cash.
Stephb xx

I hope it works out for you, but just a warning. That money isn't for frittering away. That could be used in so many ways that would be positive for your life. I wouldn't call giving it to someone you've been with for 7 months just so you can spend time with him a good idea. In fact, it could be seen as buying his time or affection.

If you've texted an apology and tried to ring him to say sorry then I'd give it some time and let him have some space. If he forgives you, great. If he doesn't, it's a lesson well learnt.

ailuro2

Rupa wrote: »

Ah bless! Perhaps it wouldn't seem so bad if he had got you four or five goldfish? Two is a bit miserly in my opinion.

Hmm, well the first goldfish needs 20 gallons of water, and every goldfish after that will need 10 gallons, so you just made the OP buy a 60 gallon tank!!No wonder her OH has to work such long hours- it's to keep the goldfish in suitable surroundings.To the OP- more and more people are forced into working shifts permanently, think yourself lucky this is only for a month.

Stephb1986_2

hobo and horace i guess your the senstive type NOT! i asked for constructive advice not some random rambling from two people who wouldnt know what senstivity is if it bit them on the backside.

Thanks Jet for your nice comment i could really do with a hug right now. I guess it is about my self esteem every bloke ive been with so far has treated me pretty bad and this one doesnt really so i didnt want to lose him.

thanks for all the other useful comments. He txt me last night and we're sorting things out. I know he's not after my money but if he's that desperate he could lend it off me its just sat in the bank apart from going picking up my new car today yay!

Stephb xx

January20

Stephb1986 wrote: »

hobo and horace i guess your the senstive type NOT! i asked for constructive advice not some random rambling from two people who wouldnt know what senstivity is if it bit them on the backside.

Thanks Jet for your nice comment i could really do with a hug right now. I guess it is about my self esteem every bloke ive been with so far has treated me pretty bad and this one doesnt really so i didnt want to lose him.

thanks for all the other useful comments. He txt me last night and we're sorting things out. I know he's not after my money but if he's that desperate he could lend it off me its just sat in the bank apart from going picking up my new car today yay!

Stephb xx

Of course he could borrow some money from you, but aren't you happier to be with a man who has enough pride to go out and work for the money that he needs rather than sponge of you?

I always have misgivings about lending and borrowing money between friends and family. I have read so many times on these forums of people lending money to friends or family and not getting it back - and having no chance of getting it back because there was no contract!

You are only 7 months in your relationship and I'm sure you think it will last - and I hope for you it will - but what if it doesn't? when relationships end people change. Believe me, been there done that as I saw the man I loved and married turn into my worst enemy when our relationship broke down.

The money is not just sitting in your account. It should be earning you some interest. And it should be an insurance for your future.

There is a saying which goes something like "if you love something (someone?) let it go, and if it comes back to you, it really belongs to you" I'm absolutely sure I got the wording wrong (please someone put me right!) but I am sure you understand what I'm trying to say to you!