Inconsiderate neighbour - noise

Norman_Castle

AliceBanned wrote: »

I use earplugs regularly but the noise is over and above this and besides, I'm not going to use them every night, that wouldn't be fair when the place is otherwise very peaceful and all other neighbours are reasonable

I've used earplugs and radio 4. With the radio loud enough to hear but too quiet to really hear whats being said it difficult to know if what you're hearing is the neighbour or the radio. For me having control over what I hear helps me ignore the outside noise and fall asleep. This also has the benefit of annoying the noisy neighbours who despite insisting their noise is acceptable find tolerating other peoples noise unacceptable. Is this unreasonable? Well I won't put the radio on if I'm asleep.

coffeehound

. . . And you then go on to agree with me

Norman_Castle

coffeehound wrote: »

. . . And you then go on to agree with me

By using earplugs? They are a very unwelcome last resort and certainly not a welcomed choice.
Take responsibility for your noise.

coffeehound

If you read the thread you’d see that i am indeed working on the problem. A difference worth pointing out is that my noise is involuntary whereas my neighbour’s is malicious.

warby68

Have you never attempted a chat with her OP?

She may well be all you say but unless you actually try to resolve it directly you won't know.

If she gives you short shrift at least you will know to expedite your moving plans.

Formal complaints etc don't really get you anywhere in owned property and can disadvantage you when selling.

lookstraightahead

We rent a beautiful apartment at the moment with neighbours underneath us. Twice a week we have to get up at 4 in the morning. Our floors creak. Also our appliances must be heard downstairs so I do try to keep to 'working hours' with those. We hear the people above us. It doesn't bother me.

However ... I used to live near a main road and that made me ill. I hate car noise. I have a friend who lives in the country and hates the cockerals in the morning.

So op, in general, you need to live with noise you're happy with. she can probably hear you too. Does sound here though as if she's not being considerate.

RelievedSheff

After 12 years of living next door to idiots in our last semi detached house in a city when we did move we decided it had to be a detached house.

We bought a detached new build in a small town on the edge of the countryside and the difference it has made to our lives is unbelievable. We are so much happier but is untrue.

No more waiting for the neighbours to act selfishly, no more arguing from next door, no more children banging on the party wall, just the sound of owls, wood peckers and pheasant in the early hours.

We should have moved years before and saved ourselves a lot of stress.

Davesnave

RelievedSheff wrote: »

There are clearly a few people on here who have never suffered from bad neighbours.

Davesnave wrote: »

But bad neighbours goes way beyond night time/early morning noises.

Many people live in places where noise is normal, even at night, but with no personal blame attached. When issues become personal, sensitisation occurs.

AliceBanned wrote: »

There is personal blame attached because it was previously very peaceful here and her noise has been extreme and in the early hours disturbing my sleep frequently, therefore hardly endearing me to her. I never heard noise from the flat below before she was there. She is inconsiderate.

I think you may have misunderstood my comment above, which was to point out that 'bad neighbours' encompasses much more than noise issues at night.

When it becomes anti-social behaviour, outside as well as inside the home, then it's easier to get back-up from neighbours and the involvement of outside agencies, such as the council EHO and police.

'Household' noise at inconvenient times is hard to get support against, because the agencies that deal with it are already dealing with more extreme manifestations of anti-social behaviour with limited resources. That's not a good thing, but it's how the world is.

So I'm not saying that the noise this person makes isn't loud or inconsiderate. However, because it need not happen and centres on one annoying source, it may trigger a disproportionate reaction from you, called sensitisation. This is evidenced by many other people finding ways to sleep in noisy environments, ignoring sounds which would wake others because they've de-sensitised themselves.

I've been there myself over a different kind of noise. Other people said to me "Oh, that's always happened; it was going on long before you came here." It was as if I was the one being unreasonable, perhaps because they'd learned to cope with it, or weren't that bothered; there was no sensitisation for them.

That's the sort of response that's occurred on this thread too. It didn't make me feel any better, so I mentally prepared to move, acknowledging that there was little support or much chance of me changing the way the world was. It was fortunate I eventually found the right buttons to press with the person responsible for the noise, and other things also changed, so the problem went away. That could also happen for you, but I wouldn't bank on it. 'Pressing the right buttons' means getting to know the person, interacting with them directly to find their weaknesses, not by writing notes to them.

Sorry for the long reply. This is an issue that crops up regularly on this forum, especially in relation to living in flats, and sadly, it's rarely concluded to anyone's satisfaction.

Norman_Castle

Davesnave wrote: »

So I'm not saying that the noise this person makes isn't loud or inconsiderate. However, because it need not happen and centres on one annoying source, it may trigger a disproportionate reaction from you, called sensitisation. This is evidenced by many other people finding ways to sleep in noisy environments, ignoring sounds which would wake others because they've de-sensitised themselves.

This is an issue that crops up regularly on this forum, especially in relation to living in flats, and sadly, it's rarely concluded to anyone's satisfaction.

People can become overly sensitive to neighbour noise but often this is after an extended unresolved problem. The mindset understandably becomes "I've had enough, this is not fair". Everyone has a tolerance for noise but until you have been burdened with a genuinely noisy neighbour you cannot understand the misery it causes.
People can sleep in noisy places but few people can remain asleep through unexpected, irregular disturbances such as the ops. No one should be expected to just accommodate an idiotic neighbour.

This does appear regularly on this forum and for people who have suffered in this way it is quite insulting to be dismissed with "just move" responses and "you're being too sensitive" or just "tough, you live in a flat". These are unhelpful, condescending and often just ignorant.

If you mention Right to Buy or cycling on the road there are the same people moaning about it generally based on their relation to it. Its the same with noisy neighbours. The people who dismiss them have clearly never suffered from them or are still sulking about previously being asked to be quiet.

Flats are just building divided into separate dwellings. If someone living in your home was behaving in this way you would expect them to be quiet. Expecting others to tolerate excessive noise is childishly selfish.

NeilCr

I do understand all the comments about noisy neighbours. We had a (fortunately) short term issue with a teenager next door playing loud music late at night. Even worse than the noise itself was the waiting to see if (and when) it would start. It was a particularly bad time, too, as my ex was studying for an important exam

We knocked on the door and had a civil conversation with the father who - with a struggle (it was a bad time for the daughter, too, as her parents had just separated) got her to tone it down to an acceptable level - and time.

We remained friendly with them - and to this day, my ex exchanges Xmas cards with the dad

What I don't quite understand is why the OP hasn't tried to talk to the neighbour. This question hasn't really been answered. By retaliating it appears the ante has been upped and it's become a bit of a war