Anger Management

stormbreaker

Every time I speak with my mother I’m angry!

I’ve cut down on the amount of times I see her. In fact I can’t remember when I last saw her, but I phone her every other day.

To try and cut a long story short, she is in her 80s, I’m in my 50s.

She has never taken any interest in me or my family.

I made the decision a few years ago to tell her the bare minimum and it took her years to realise this.

She is just off the phone. She had heard from another family member that I wasn’t working and wanted to confirm!

I’m in the fortunate position that I have a pension but need to work for structure. The job I had didn’t suit and I left last week. It’s the first job I have ever left without another to go to.

She doesn’t know what I was doing, she never asked what the problem was, she never asked why I was leaving or what I intended to do. Her words were ‘I heard that you’ve given up ‘another’ job’

I pointed out this was the first!

I have an interview this afternoon which I’m trying to prepare for but I’m so consumed by anger I’m struggling to concentrate. I struggle with interviews and confidence as it is.

I wish I’d never lifted the phone!

In the long term has anyone managed to control or move on from anger episodes.

[Deleted User]

Yes they have.

But you need to figure out whether this is a specific problem with your mother, or part of your personality.

stormbreaker

Deleted_User wrote: »

Yes they have.

But you need to figure out whether this is a specific problem with your mother, or part of your personality.

Can I ask how they have?

It’s an interesting point. Perhaps it is part of my personality. I’m often angry with the world .

My mum just knows what buttons to hit

I don’t think it helps that this morning, I’ve come to the conclusion that I may have been suffering from depression for years without wanting to admit it

[Deleted User]

stormbreaker wrote: »

Can I ask how they have?

Therapy, positive mindset, meditation, drugs, religion, alcohol, electro-shock therapy....choose your poison.

But before ordering a lifetime supply of marijuana or getting comfy on a psychotherapy couch, maybe look at some self help books or podcasts.

stormbreaker

A number of these options could be a quick fix and I could easily have gone down the road of excessive alcohol. However I’ve been unfortunate to see first hand how a number of these options are destructive and fortunate to be able to resist because of this.

With my depression comes laziness. Everything is an effort, even reading.

Podcasts might well be the way for me. Thank you. I’ll start having a look.

Malthusian

stormbreaker wrote: »

Every time I speak with my mother I’m angry!

Every time I jab myself in the arm with a pin it hurts. The obvious solution is not to jab myself with a pin. Ever heard of Einstein's definition of insanity?

In fact I can’t remember when I last saw her, but I phone her every other day. [...]

I made the decision a few years ago to tell her the bare minimum

Beep. Does not compute.

stormbreaker

Malthusian wrote: »

Ever heard of Einstein's definition of insanity

No but I’ll google it.

Sorry I don’t quite understand the rest of your post

If you are suggesting I cut the cord, I think I’ve left it too late. Her age is starting to show. I already feel guilt that I don’t see much of her and I don’t pander to her every need any more.

Mojisola

stormbreaker wrote: »

Every time I speak with my mother I’m angry!

I’ve cut down on the amount of times I see her. In fact I can’t remember when I last saw her, but I phone her every other day.

stormbreaker wrote: »

Perhaps it is part of my personality. I’m often angry with the world .

My mum just knows what buttons to hit

Start by reducing the number of times you phone her - try once a week - if there are any days that it would be easier to deal with the fall-out, chose that day.

If she starts to wind you up, finish the call early. Either tell her that what she's saying is upsetting you or, if that's too difficult, say there's someone at the door and you need to go.

SensibleSarah

I agree with some of the other replies - you're setting yourself up for this stress 3-4 times a week by calling her every other day. Family are important of course, but if a relationship is causing you serious anxiety or anger, you also need to look after yourself and your mental health.

Don't allow yourself to feel guilty for backing away from a high level of contact - it doesn't have to be forever, but it clearly isn't working for you at the moment so something needs to change.

Money_maker

Once a week gives you more to talk about.

MovingForwards

I don't speak to my mom that often as she riles me, constant criticism and always asks after my ex!

It's now a quick phone call every few months and a few text messages in between.

Saves my sanity!

Why do you subject yourself to it so frequently?