Money Moral Dilemma: Should I let my girlfriend's friend have our 'free' flight?

TFO

Our ‘family’ companion vouchers are very precious, but if it is running out or you have no plans to use with your girlfriend then don’t let it go to waste.

Do take care however that to use a companion voucher the ‘companion’ has to be part of your family group and so their BA account has to be grouped with yours and that means they have access to view and use your Avios (but I think it is on a proportion basis). Suggest you check this out.

amber_cloud

As it's your girlfriend's credit card, she can do what she wants with the free flight. If you wanted to get free stuff then get your own credit card and build up points rather than just using hers. However, it would have been nicer of her to invite you. Personally, I would prioritise a partner over a friend.

flyforfun

No. It's not fair. You spent your money to earn a reward for you as a couple. It may be her card, and I guess she can legally do what she wants with it, but I would question your relationship with her if this is an indication of things to come!

If you have a BA Household Account, I would disconnect yourself from her account so that if she does take her friend instead of you, you won't also lose our on the mileage too.

Brie

so she can do what she wants with it. Why are you being so greedy?? Not your card, not your decision.


Ok maybe you're miffed she wants some away time without you - frankly if I were you I would be thinking of this as a great chance for you to bond with your own mates. And when she comes home you can have a great time exchanging holiday stories.


And then there's the stuff that's not explained.... maybe the friend is splitting all the costs so the card holder is getting effectively a discounted flight herself. Or maybe the friend has agreed to pay for the hotel or meals or drinks.


Or maybe the friend has just been made redundant, experienced grief/divorce/garbage and your girlfriend is being a really good friend and helping them have a fun time they couldn't have any other way.


If it bothers you so much get your own card with your own points that you can spend your own way once your girlfriend leaves you for being such a prat.

ndf9876

"...she suggested she take a friend instead..."

The points were earned by joint spending, despite who owns the card. I don't think it's fair for her to enjoy a cheap mates holiday from joint spending, no.

As with all things, communication is key. Let her know how you feel about the situation, and suggest way(s) forward - this may be getting your own Avios card and earning your own points.

Having said all that though, there could be a pile of reasons why the girlfriend is doing this. Might be her friend's birthday, maybe the friend is going through a rough patch and needs a break.

Smodlet

Joint spending, yes... We do not know whether paying off her card is a joint effort or all on the girlfriend. There just is not enough context to arrive at an informed opinion. Is the girlfriend a selfish bovine or is the OP a controlling ****? We just don't know.

Perhaps gf desperately needs a break from OP, a chance to reassess her relationship and to decide whether she wants it to continue or perhaps she is a selfish ho (spelling?) who wants to go off and jump every fit bone she and her mate can find. Who knows?

Makes a nice change to see an MMD which is not (imho) completely black and white for once.

A1jdlb

I mean I'm assuming no special circumstances - has the lucky third party been recently bereaved or diagnosed with cancer or something terrible?

If not no this is completely not OK and sounds like you need to think seriously about sacking her off. Don't scream and howl about it though; instead make it very clear that she is setting a precedent. So in this instance you are reading this as a green light for you to go on holiday with whoever you like at any point in the future. If she is OK with this but it's a set of circumstances that make you feel uncomfortable then it's time to chuck her.

Do it subtly, obviously. My girlfriend (now wife) about 8 years ago asked me if I would mind if she met an ex-boyfriend for coffee. "Fine - no problem at all. Up to this point I've ignored my exes' messages out of respect for you but if we can be friends with exes that's fine by me." If she had actually agreed to the new rules I'd have dropped her faster than a shard of Pripyat graphite but happily she got the message.

Smodlet

A1jdlb wrote: »

I mean I'm assuming no special circumstances - has the lucky third party been recently bereaved or diagnosed with cancer or something terrible?

If not no this is completely not OK and sounds like you need to think seriously about sacking her off. Don't scream and howl about it though; instead make it very clear that she is setting a precedent. So in this instance you are reading this as a green light for you to go on holiday with whoever you like at any point in the future. If she is OK with this but it's a set of circumstances that make you feel uncomfortable then it's time to chuck her.

Do it subtly, obviously. My girlfriend (now wife) about 8 years ago asked me if I would mind if she met an ex-boyfriend for coffee. "Fine - no problem at all. Up to this point I've ignored my exes' messages out of respect for you but if we can be friends with exes that's fine by me." If she had actually agreed to the new rules I'd have dropped her faster than a shard of Pripyat graphite but happily she got the message.

What wonderful things are trust and mutual respect... Ever heard of those?

Mrs_S2018

The better question to ask here is “is it worth the argument or potentially losing your partner?” If you were in her position (i.e if it was your card and your points) how would you feel at being asked not to use the points how you wanted? Is seems from your post that you and your partner regularly collect points on her card and therefore wouldn’t take long to accrue enough points for you two to go on a trip together anyway.

Do you know if her friend is going through a tough time and your partner is just being a good friend to them by trying to take their mind off things? It sounds like a conversation is needed but the last thing to do is make it money motivated because, as you said yourself, it’s her card and bringing the money/point collecting into this could do irreparable damage to your relationship. Is this free flight worth potentially losing your partner over?

Smodlet

Mrs_S2018 wrote: »

The better question to ask here is “is it worth the argument or potentially losing your partner?” If you were in her position (i.e if it was your card and your points) how would you feel at being asked not to use the points how you wanted? Is seems from your post that you and your partner regularly collect points on her card and therefore wouldn’t take long to accrue enough points for you two to go on a trip together anyway.

Do you know if her friend is going through a tough time and your partner is just being a good friend to them by trying to take their mind off things? It sounds like a conversation is needed but the last thing to do is make it money motivated because, as you said yourself, it’s her card and bringing the money/point collecting into this could do irreparable damage to your relationship. Is this free flight worth potentially losing your partner over?

Were there no communication issues in this relationship, there would be no thread, I think. The very fact anyone thinks a bunch of random people on the internet can answer questions about his/her relationship when we have never even met them sounds the knell of doom to me. In my not inconsiderable experience, effective communication is the only thing which keeps relationships alive... And healthy.

OH and I still make each other laugh most days after 26 years. He goes away three times a year for two weeks on his own to play music with his friends without me (it's really not my thing) and the only worry I have is that he will be involved in a traffic accident. I don't give a fig for the OP's chances but what do I know?