I [33/m] told my gf [31/f] I don't know if I ever want to get married and she's distanced herself

ethan_201

Hi guys,

I'm going through a dilemma at the moment and I don't know how to handle it. My girl and I are in a long distance relationship. We have been together for 2 years. We live in other countries and have been discussing closing the distance. I asked her if there's any way for me to move to her country without us having to get married because I don't know if I want to get married.

She told me she understood (I've been married before and she knows what a disaster that was for me) but said we should have discussed this before when we first started dating. I can tell she's really disappointed. I didn't realise she wanted to get married as she's always said she doesn't like weddings and rings.

Neither of us have initiated contact in nearly two days. It's the longest we've ever gone without speaking. What do you advise me to do? I don't know what to say to her.

DUTR

Get a new GF, the next one is often better than the last one, perhaps one more local and solvent.

Stoke

Be interesting to see how this thread plays out........

In my opinion though, it's obviously not working out.

Pollycat

Instead of you both behaving somewhat childishly, maybe one of you should make contact and discuss whether there is likely to be any compromise on either side.
Think about whether you would change your mind on marriage before you talk to her.
That gives you a starting point for the discussion.

Just because you had a bad experience the first time around doesn't mean it would be a disaster second time around.
Isn't that punishing someone who has done you no wrong?

Discussing whether marriage is for you before you start dating seems a bit premature to me.

pimento

I'd say pi$$ or get off the pot.

JGB1955

Getting married doesn't necessarily mean wedding ceremonies and rings - just go to your local registry office. She's looking for commitment. You're not offering it.... end of.

Mojisola

JGB1955 wrote: »

Getting married doesn't necessarily mean wedding ceremonies and rings - just go to your local registry office.

It's not that easy when you're different nationalities.

kazwookie

OP how often to you actually meet up?

Do you travel to her country / or does she come to yours?

onwards&upwards

You need to discuss it now.

She might want to break up if marriage is off the table, are you ok with that?

Sncjw

Have you met her fave to face.have you spent time together. How much and how often.

It’s a big step moving with someone never mind to a country you don’t know and limited job security

onomatopoeia99

Pollycat wrote: »

Just because you had a bad experience the first time around doesn't mean it would be a disaster second time around.
Isn't that punishing someone who has done you no wrong?

It's not a punishment to not get married. It is entirely possible in the 21st century to have a lifelong, committed, loving relationship without being married.