Me Dad has gone and I have done what I think is all is needed ....

moanin'minnie

hi there,
sorry for your loss,my only advice is keep your sense of humour at all times even thought at times it will be difficult. Remember the good times and smile at them.
My own dad died a month ago and thought theres been tough times I think what has got me through is rembering the good times and laughing a lot at the funny things thats happened over the years! We even laughed at the funeral. Dont try to take on too much all at one time , things get sorted out eventually me and my sister are still sorting out stuff a month on. Get a few copies of the death certificate as you will need them for various things insurance, banks etc.
Just accept that sympathy card are peoples way of telling you that they are thinking about you and your mum and your loss.
so big hugs to you and your mum , keep your chin up but also make time to grieve for your loss dont hold it all in its not good!!

noonesperfect

((((((((((((((((Hugs to you and your Mum)))))))))))))))))))))

Having lost both my parents I have every sympathy with you, especially at this time of year (My Mum passed away just after Christmas).

Re: sympathy cards, some people some them some send notes or letters, some do nothing. I believe they do it because they want you to know they are thinking of you. I still look at the cards and notes I got. I cry then I feel better.

Practically speaking, if your Mum is continuing to drive maybe you should carry on with RAC or whoever. Have you let the DVLA know 1) If the car was in your Dad's name it should now be put in your Mum's, 2) also as far as I can remember, I think you may have to surrender your Dad's driving licence 3) ditto disabled badge if he had one. They will advise you.
I'm not sure what the position is with passports as both my parents passports had expired.
Supposing you haven't had the funeral yet, sometimes it is nice for little cards to be provided for those attending to write their names on. It is unlikely you will really take in everything and you will be able to see afterwards who came (especially if work commitments mean they cannot "come back for refreshments" afterwards).
My heart goes out to you, God bless you at this difficult time.

Lilycat

Quillion wrote: »

Hello Dave

I am so sorry for your loss and my thought are with you and your lovely mum at this sad time.

I lost my dad in 2001 very different circumstances as he died suddenly.

I know things have to be organised but please please don't do what i did and spend so much time organnising with no time to grieve.

After my dad died i cried a little but then as mum fell to pieces i felt i had to be strong for her. I have a step brother and sister but he was my birth dad.

I didn't cry after the first time i was so busy organising and sorting everything out. I did not cry a his funeral and wentback to work and just got on with my life. I felt oddly detached though i did not know that then and only when my aunty died and we went to her funeral did the reality of losing my dad hit home. I felt like we had lost the missing link to our family and began to cry and didn't stop for about three months.

Please please promise me to remember you have lost him to and so what if eveything doesn't get done straight away it will get done eventually.

Take care and feel frr to PM me if you just want to chat. Feelings better out than in even to a perfect stranger

Love to you and Your Mum xxx

Just been reading through this post

dazed - sorry for your loss - I lost my Dad very suddenly on the 5th November - its a very difficult time :-(

Quillion - I think I may be doing what you did - My Mum is in pieces and unfortunately my Brother lives away and so the organising has become my job. I am trying very hard to be strong for my Mum and have thrown myself into looking after her and all the things that need doing.

I know its still very early days but so many events to come seem so difficult to face - its Mums birthday on Thursday, then Christmas and My Brother gets married in February.

I am not sure it has properly sunk in yet that Dad is not coming back - its a month tomorrow since I last saw him. Unfortuantely I was away working for 10 days before he died - he died in the early hours of the day I was due back. As I am single I spent so much time with my parents I have upset myself so much that i had to be away for the last ten days of his life. a good friend of mine did say something to me yesterday that has made me feel slightly better about this - he said that at least i did say a proper goodbye to my Dad as he dropped me off at the airport on the day i went away. I guess if I/d not been away I would have just said bye that night but instad I gave him a huge hug and told him to take care of himself.

Dazed - sorry for posting on your thread - Hope you don/t mind. My thoughts are with you

Lilycat x

dazed

No of course I do not mind! I am in the same boat as you tbh.

I am living in a dream at the moment and am so lost. I am so busy with sorting out stuff and being strong for me mam that I love having the quiet times to actually grieve.

I have cleaned my house top to bottom, had an argument with the cooker for 2 hours as it was not clean enough! haha!

My OH has been fantastic you always know when it this one but know I know so to speak. But I do not think that my mum or I have grieved properly yet if that makes sense?

The post mortme was inclonclusive (sp) so me dad had part of his brain, lungs, heart and liver removed for further tests. Me mam and me agreed that they can be used for medical research.

We should get results back tomorrow hopefully so we can lay him to rest and move on.

Even our son got upset tonight bless him. But I told him if you look to the stars Grandad is the brightest one and will be looking after you when you need him.

Best I could come up with but he seems happy.

Lilycat I am only down the road if you need something or even a chat

bright_side

Hi, big hugs to all xx
I lost my big sis on 30th October. Today I have to go into the bank and post office to sort out her accounts. I've been putting it off to be honest - in fact I've been putting off anything that brings home the fact that she has really gone.

dazed - how awful for you all to have to wait on postmortem results, I hope they come through quickly so you can go ahead with the funeral. We had to wait 2 weeks for my sis's funeral and that was bad enough.

Lilycat - I so understand what you mean about events to come. My sons birthday next week and there will be no card from his Auntie Sue Sue and no early morning call with her singing happy birthday down the line. Her own sons birthday next week too as well as my other sister. Everything just feels weird. I can't even start to think about christmas. I know I have to be strong and I am being, but I'm just so confused with it all right now.

More big hugs for everyone xxxx

margaretclare

Hi there, and condolences from me

You mention that 'you haven't grieved yet'. Grieving is a continuous process and often, just after a death, you have all these things to do, you don't allow yourself time to grieve. Or perhaps being busy with all that needs to be done, is a kind of survival strategy. Also, grieving is an individual thing, there is no one way, no right or wrong! There are known to be 4 stages, and IIRC, they are: shock/denial, anger, acceptance, and resolution. All of these stages have to be worked through but there is no set timescale as to 'when' or 'how long' each stage lasts. You must have resolution before moving on to the next stage of life, but some people never reach it - think Queen Victoria staying in widowhood all those years, with everything left just as if her husband hadn't died. In a sense, resolution is when you lay the loved one to rest, you can then try to concentrate on carrying on with things he tried to do, living up to the standard he left you. That's how I've been able to cope after my younger daughter's death, nearly 5 years ago now, coincidentally my DH's birthday and my eldest GD's birthday as well. Anniversaries are going to be difficult. Special celebrations like Christmas are going to be difficult. Music, a particular tune....there are always going to be these 'triggers' and you can be normal one minute and howling like a dog the next, if you hear a particular piece of music or something triggers a particular memory.

HTH

Margaret

LouBlue

margaretclare wrote: »

Special celebrations like Christmas are going to be difficult. Music, a particular tune....there are always going to be these 'triggers' and you can be normal one minute and howling like a dog the next, if you hear a particular piece of music or something triggers a particular memory.

HTH

Margaret

So sorry to hear about your DD. I can relate to 'trigger's. My dear mum passed away suddenly three months ago and one minute, I am fine, the next minute, I can be walking down the gluten free aisle in Sainsburys and I start blubbing! I used to buy her a lot of stuff from there each week. Christmas will be difficult but we will raise a glass to her. :beer:

Rikki

My Dad died just before Christmas some years ago now. It was hard getting Christmas cards (with his name on) and Sympathy cards in the same post.

The first Christmas is just like a numb blur.