Me Dad has gone and I have done what I think is all is needed ....

dazed

Hi

Me Dad died 20th Nov 07 at 11.50am. He had Asbestosis, [SIZE=-1][/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Motor Neurone[/SIZE][SIZE=-1] Disease and also a collapsed lung. Needless to say we are gutted.

I have called:

DWP - Sending someone round to assess my mum's pension and see what 'extras' that my dad had they could move to my mums pension.

BT - Changed to Mums name. Asked to remove Dads name from TPS.

Electric (no gas) - Changed to Mums name.

Water - Changed to Mums name.

Car Insurance - Cancelled with refund in post in mams name.

RAC - Cancelled.

Bank 1 - Appointments set up for meeting. (Dad had NO debts and NO mortgage)

Bank 2 - Appointment set up for meeting. (same as above)

Funeral Director - Initial meet up set for this Friday.

Bereavement Register - Done so that Mam does not get any unwanted correspondence in Dad's name.

There was a post mortem held today and results will be issued Friday this week. I am trying to get all things sorted asap so my Mam does not have to do much. Even though we are letting her get on with stuff and not mollycuddling her.

I am an only child so any help is appreciated. Maybe I have done all I can but as you can appreciate I have never been in this situation and this board has lots of advice etc.

Thanks in advance

Dave






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iwanttosave_2

Hi dazed. I'm sorry for your loss, no words will help so I wont try. I recently lost an Aunt to MND and its a horrible thing, I hope he didn't suffer too much.

It sounds like you have a lot of it covered so far and are being a big help to your mum. Does he have any insurance that needs sorting or anything?

Are there any friends or family members of his that might need tracking down?

Do you have anyone to talk to about it? Try not to take on too much, if people offer to help, let them.

If I think of anything else I'll post back. Thinking of you and your family xx

LouBlue

I am truly sorry for your loss. You are coping extremely well under the circumstances and I am sure your mum is so glad she has you for support. You will get some good advice on here. Take care. xx

dazed

iwanttosave wrote: »

Hi dazed. I'm sorry for your loss, no words will help so I wont try. I recently lost an Aunt to MND and its a horrible thing, I hope he didn't suffer too much.

It sounds like you have a lot of it covered so far and are being a big help to your mum. Does he have any insurance that needs sorting or anything?

Are there any friends or family members of his that might need tracking down?

Do you have anyone to talk to about it? Try not to take on too much, if people offer to help, let them.

If I think of anything else I'll post back. Thinking of you and your family xx

Good thing is he did not suffer at all but he is/was a proud man and as things progressed his dignity would have been tarnished so to speak. We are glad that this did not happen. Bless him.

Me mam said he did not have any life insurance but I have found doc's that said he has and thats with Bank1 so will see what happens there!

Family and friends I have all told face to face and its amazing that a family that does not speak all comes round when this happens. Both Mam and myself have said our peace on this. But everyone is different and deals with what is happening their own way. Me Dad had/has 5 Brothers and only 3 came and seen him and supported me Mam. But I realise that they all deal with things differently!

We are involving the family in everything and they have been great. Will see how things go. But there was a Post Mortem today and results on Friday, then as due to Asbestosis there may be an inquest.

Me mam needs answers and we wil get them. But the great thing about it is that he IS in a better place now that he would have been if he survived.

The reason I put is/was in everything is that he is still here. I don't like saying was at all because he is still me Dad and still with us if that makes sense?!

Same with Sympathy cards! What a kick in tha balls that is!

Would prefer our 'thoughts are with you' card's at least they could still include the 'deceased' and family as they are never gone.

I am not religious in any way, shape or form but this would be nicer in our opinion as they have thoughts too?

Maybe I am thinking this after not sleeping for so long but hey ho....

Thanks for your reply its very much appreciated and the no words will help so I wont try shows you are honest!

Thanks again

Dave

LouBlue

dazed wrote: »

The reason I put is/was in everything is that he is still here. I don't like saying was at all because he is still me Dad and still with us if that makes sense?!

Same with Sympathy cards! What a kick in tha balls that is!

Would prefer our 'thoughts are with you' card's at least they could still include the 'deceased' and family as they are never gone.

It does make sense and I completely agree with you about Sympathy cards. I lost my mum, out of the blue, three months ago. And I was opening these cards, like I was in a parallel universe, but my best mate, bless her, sent me just a plain card, with a drawing of a pot with herbs and lavender in it, cos it was mum's favourite things, she lived for her garden, I preferred that card to the religious sympathy ones.

As Wanty said, try not to take on too much, and look after yourself and your dear mum. xx

dazed

LouBlue wrote: »

It does make sense and I completely agree with you about Sympathy cards. I lost my mum, out of the blue, three months ago. And I was opening these cards, like I was in a parallel universe, but my best mate, bless her, sent me just a plain card, with a drawing of a pot with herbs and lavender in it, cos it was mum's favourite things, she lived for her garden, I preferred that card to the religious sympathy ones.

As Wanty said, try not to take on too much, and look after yourself and your dear mum. xx

I wont state the obvious but you have our thoughts about your Mam. Hope you are ok and not taking too much on yourself and that was a very thoughtful thing to do by your friend! They obviously know you inside out (or nearly as dammit!).

One thing me Dad taught me was never lose your sense of humour. My mam's sisters were here this evening and it was like a witches coven!

Told them that and said I was just like me Dad so I am doing something right at least!

Always feels like you are not doing enough though if that makes sense?

THIS FEELS LIKE IT IS TURNING INTO A BLOG haha!

Maybe that is a good thing?

Really need sleep.

LouBlue

dazed wrote: »

One thing me Dad taught me was never lose your sense of humour. My mam's sisters were here this evening and it was like a witches coven!

Told them that and said I was just like me Dad so I am doing something right at least!

THIS FEELS LIKE IT IS TURNING INTO A BLOG haha!

My mum was the same - wicked sense of humour, she had, so we all try and laugh as much as we can, she would seriously kick our ar*es if we got down too much. Its not always easy but she still lives within us and it helps.

Sorry for hi-jacking your thread asking for practical help. Not much good with that, I'm afraid!! :rotfl:

Hope you sleep ok tonight.

myrnahaz

The funeral director might be able to help you come up with other organisations to contact (insurance companies, TV licence, loan/mortgage companies etc) - the one we used for my parents' funerals was really helpful, suggesting things we'd not even thought of.

floss2

There probably will be an inquest due to the asbestosis (was your dad diagnosed with mesothelioma?). Do you know whether he had received any compensation for that? Have you any idea of his work history - shipyards / naval / power station for example? This will be useful information for the Coroner. Also take a look at this http://www.mesothelioma.uk.com as they will be able to help with that side of things. Life insurance may take a while to pay out because of this too, they may want a copy of the full death certificate after the inquest.

Re the inquest...it is a legal process, and you will shortly be contacted by the Coroner's Officers (usually Police or ex-Police Officers) and they will ask for the information they need - name, address, date of birth, profession, wife's name, date of death, place of death. The Coroner will formally "open" the inquest (you shouldn't need to be there for this) an interim death certificate is issued via the Registrar's Office, to allow you to progress with the funeral. Funeral directors are used to these certificates, it is nothing "different" or unusual. The Coroner will, when he has all the information necessary, re-open the inquest, at which you will be requested to attend (they are usually planned to fit in with you & your family), and he will generally be able to give a cause of death & any attributed factor (eg workplace) & issue a full death certificate request to the Registrar's Office, and you will then be able to receive the full death certificate.

If you have any questions about all this, ask the Coroner's officer - they will probably know the answer.

:grouphug:

Love Floss xxx

Tulip

:hello: Dazed,

I cannot offer any advice but condolences to you and your Mum and your family at this sad time.


Katie

basilcat7

Hi Dave,

Sorry for your loss.

My dad died a few years ago and as him and Mum were divorced it was up to me and my brother to 'arrange everything'. You're right about keeping your sense of humour- we were arranging the funeral going 'oak coffins!! look at the price- what would dad say!!'

whatever you are doing it will be a surreal experience that feels so unreal its not real if you know what I mean.

Sympathy cards are for other people to show you they are thinking of you. Some people don't even read the wording, or mean it religiously.

Have you got your Dad's will ?

The only other thing I can think of that you need to think about is telling people that may not know and think about putting something in the paper? My Dad had lots of business contacts so we got his diary and address book and went through it calling everyone.

Will post back if I think of everything..

Stay strong xx