NIghtmare Neighbour

oystercatcher

This does sound horrible and lots of useful advice above. I just wanted to say it sounds like you smoking near her window/ door is upsetting her, is there somewhere else you could smoke so as not to cause upset?

m0bov

You need to nip this in the bud, you don't want it turning into a campaign. Does she know where you work? You don't want her calling the school and starting trouble.

benmeg

The houses are in very tight order so there isnt much place to go - we could smoke outside our garage but for me that makes me anxious as we are then in her sight - so smoking in our porch means we're out the way

benmeg

no she doesnt luckily - i take my jacket and lanyard off before i get in the courtyard

PasturesNew

It is, too, possible she's "fed up of people taking f*** liberties" as she sees it. e.g. people not parking correctly/where they should, causing her problems getting to where she is to park. e.g. smoke going into her house from careless smokers outside.

While she might be a nutter, she might also be a victim of many people's poor behaviours and, over time, it's got her to breaking point.

benmeg

i completley appreciate that but does she need to violate everyone in the block? no. does she need to chuck water out of her window unnecessarily? no. we are two hard working people who just want a nice easy life and she seems to make that difficult everyday.

KatieDee

I think it is absolutely ridiculous that problem neighbours are the ones who seem to have the advantage in situations like this. The general response on these forums seems to be "you need to move", but how is this resolving this issue? Another person will have to deal with the anti-social neighbours selfish behaviour, and they will continue to believe their behaviour is acceptable.

I do wish there was more in place to take action against bad neighbours. I understand things are incredibly limited when it comes to home owners, but I imagine a potential ASBO or criminal record as a result of bad behaviour might have an impact. I appreciate that playing your music loudly in the middle of the night or being verbally abusive might not constitute "breaking the law", but it has a very negative affect on society in general and there should be more put in place to stop it.

OP - I would try and speak to this woman when things have calmed down and there hasn't been a recent altercation. It might be that she is so hyper aware of noise and behaviour due to previous experiences, that she is literally waiting for you to put a foot wrong.

In my last flat, our neighbours were incredibly loud. They stomped around from early morning until very late at night, banged the downstairs doors when they returned from nights out (while screaming along with friends) and were unaware of just how much noise travelled. I didn't bring it up specifically though, as I appreciate I am quite noise sensitive and nothing they were doing was intentional. When my partner and I finally moved out and into a link detached house, every single noise would trigger the same anxiety I had in the flat. Fortunately this has now stopped, as I've realised we cannot hear a thing, but perhaps your neighbour has had the same experience with parking, people loitering outside, etc? New neighbours are a lot more nerve wracking if you're a home owner, as it's far more hassle to move if they turn out to be bad.

Otherwise, she is just a bit of a cow, and you should make notes of her behaviour including times and dates, and consider taking it further if she doesn't stop.

ska_lover

No it doesn't give her the right to treat badly every new neighbour she encounters - to pay for the bad deeds of previous neighbours....

I mean the way this woman is acting is unreasonable...to call someone a B**** and throw water over them, due to a parking misunderstanding is beyond a joke

There are ways of dealing with things correctly and even if this neighbour does feel wronged - she is going about it entirely the wrong way - and at some point - she will come a cropper and start a fight with entirely the wrong person who goes eye for an eye with her.

That is the danger of older folks starting !!!! that they cannot back up. Her worst is to ring the landlord but a younger person could do much worse to her , like give her a kicking - like I say, if she were to pick a fight with the wrong persons. I hope this does not happen, but she is almost deliberately making herself a hate figure

She needs to be careful and to realise she is being unreasonable - but after so many years, and having issues with so many other neighbours, it doesnt sound a one off. This woman has history

Mental health issues do not give a person the right to treat others like garbage

Bacon_Sandwich

Put on your best russian accent and threaten to do something horrible (use your imagination) if you ever hear her voice again.

ska_lover

KatieDee wrote: »

I think it is absolutely ridiculous that problem neighbours are the ones who seem to have the advantage in situations like this. The general response on these forums seems to be "you need to move", but how is this resolving this issue? Another person will have to deal with the anti-social neighbours selfish behaviour, and they will continue to believe their behaviour is acceptable.

I do wish there was more in place to take action against bad neighbours. I understand things are incredibly limited when it comes to home owners, but I imagine a potential ASBO or criminal record as a result of bad behaviour might have an impact. I appreciate that playing your music loudly in the middle of the night or being verbally abusive might not constitute "breaking the law", but it has a very negative affect on society in general and there should be more put in place to stop it.

OP - I would try and speak to this woman when things have calmed down and there hasn't been a recent altercation. It might be that she is so hyper aware of noise and behaviour due to previous experiences, that she is literally waiting for you to put a foot wrong.

In my last flat, our neighbours were incredibly loud. They stomped around from early morning until very late at night, banged the downstairs doors when they returned from nights out (while screaming along with friends) and were basically incredibly inconsiderate t**ts. When my partner and I finally moved out and into a link detached house, every single noise would trigger the same anxiety I had in the flat. Fortunately this has now stopped, as I've realised we cannot hear a thing, but perhaps your neighbour has had the same experience?

Otherwise, she is just a bit of a cow, and you should make notes of her behaviour including times and dates, and consider taking it further if she doesn't stop.

Some good points - and I agree, it shouldn't be on the OP (or any decent human) to have to move from a bad neighbour

Unfortunately, due to long-winded red-tape, in getting anything done....most often it is easier to just move - as you have to go through months and years of diarising every single thing, let it take over your headspace - and even then, an ASBO or similar may make no difference - this lady cannot get evicted. You know the anxiety (ongoing) that this can cause.

Sometimes it is better to cut your losses, even though, as you say it doesn't feel right, it is almost like victim-blaming.

There is something really ingrained in being 'wronged' in your own home. It feels there is no escape

It is a real crappy situation it really is

And furthermore, it is shocking how common this situation is (in my City at least) . I know three households in our immediate family have had serious neighbour issues - and even when someone gets assaulted, it seems the onus is on the victim to sort it out or move - ie put up or shut up...It is a properly !!!!! situation

Me and Hubby have often said, if we were to win huge on the lottery, we would seriously consider buying an Island, or one of those abandoned welsh mining villages and living with our family and friends - where everyone can leave safely and peacefully

You might say that I'm a dreamer - But I am not the only one..