marriage problems

conradmum

android wrote: »

well things did not go to well.she does not want anything to do with me anymore,and who can blame her!!!life is so bad at the minute but i still really love her.i want advice on what i should do???please help i am desperate

Have you told her absolutely everything? Don't hold anything back now, because if she finds out later that you still aren't being truthful, you'll never regain her trust.

Join Gamblers Anonymous and ask her if she would consider going to the support group.

Do what she asks you to do. If she wants you to move out, you'll have to go.

Work bl**dy hard to regain her love. Don't wallow in self-pity and self-centredness. Don't be pathetic. Stop all gambling and work as hard as you can to repay the debts.

Keep telling her you're sorry, you love her and you want to be with her and your children. Do whatever you can to help her out.

It will be very. very hard for you. Can you do it? Only you know that. I can't promise it will work either, but at the very least you will regain her respect.

You've taken the first step already in admitting to yourself and her what you've done, and that was brave, so well done. Good luck.

antronella

Android..have been wondering how things are with you..hope you've been making some positive moves....

absolutebounder

If you cant stop gambling now you need counselling but you also need financial help. Debt problems are hell (been there got the T shirt) until you realise thay can be beaten. Show your wife this thread because it probably shows her what you havent been able to tell her.
Sit down confess all. In reality you were probably gambling so the the money you won could make things better for her and the kids but it never works out that way.

freyasmum

I haven't got a lot to add to what has already been written. I just wanted to re-emphasize that you really need to let her know how much you love her and the children. But you have to ler her know by doing rather than saying. Get as much help as possible; counselling, gamblers annonymous, financial help, etc. Anything you can do, do! Show her that you can get over this and that life can get better for all of you as a family. It might also help, as othes have said, to show her this thread.
I know that it's not always easy to say all that you need or want to say when you are talking face-to-face so maybe this will show her how much you mean it?
It's clear to me that you dearly love your wife. You just have to show her.

Lx

feelinggood_2

I'd recommend Gamblers Anonymous. You can find a meeting here: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/meetings.htm There are also helpline numbers here: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/ if you want to call and ask someone to take you to your first meeting. Going to the first meeting is pretty scary and sometimes it can help to be taken by someone who knows what is going on! I go to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I've found the program to be the best thing I've ever done. I'd highly recommend getting to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting.

Glad

Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere (please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]abuse@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL].

theunknownstuntman

Android, great advice from all above.

Just talk to her mate. She could be your greatest supporter, but you must be honest. Get some help, as everyone above has mentioned.

Let us know if you need support mate. Good luck

blackangeluk

Hi Android, I'm sorry it didn't go well telling your wife but you really have got the worst bit out of the way. My debts were not from gambling but I did hide the extent of our joint debts from my husband and telling him was the worst thing I ever had to do.

I appreciate my situation was different in their origin, but my DH was still very upset about my deception and initially I thought divorce was on the cards as he felt he couldn't trust me anymore. Since then I have had to regain his trust, it has been hard, I often dread it being brought up in an argument but we no longer have secrets and I'm no longer scared of the post being opened. We do still have our bad moments but they are getting better with time.

I agree that actions do speak louder than words. Try Gamblers Anonymous, tell her you want help. Put all your cards on the table re money and let her take control of it if needs be so that you don' have any money to be tempted to gamble.

I am sure it will work out. You started this thread by saying what a lovely person is, she is just feeling hurt, angry and betrayed right now. She needs to come to terms with what you have told her. You have obviously been together a long time and it is hard to leave a relationship behind. I think you have to appreciate how you would feel if you were in her position and give her some time. Please don't give up hope and keep working at it.

In the meantime, why don't you see if we could help you with the financial side of it? If you post a Statement of Affairs, i.e. all your income and outgoings, maybe we could make some suggestions. If she knows that you are already working at sorting the debt out she will see how serious you are.

Really hope you come back to read this and things get better for you.

southwester_2

Wow - I have just read this thread and let me tell you android, my heart goes out to you, i was in exactly the same position as you in March this year, a lot know what else happened on this forum, but please listen as I have been there recently and come out of it.

Firstly, well done for telling her, but hiding anything is a mistake, it must be all or nothing
Secondly, get help, I havent had a bet since March and have no inclination too either, you can do it!!!
Thirdly, as has already been said, if you can get a second job and give the money to her to start paying off the debt, you can do it, I owed £27000 and with the help of my wife it is now £16000!
She will come around, if she hasnt already, it was the most petrified I have ever been telling her but I sat her down and told her everything about the gambling and I mean everything. She went ballistic absolutely ballistic but she had the chance to walk away but she didnt, the next couple of months were hard to say the least, but we have got through it and the trust between both of us is coming back.

The relief was immense and I can honestly say we are stronger now because of it, I really hope this is the case with you. Please PM if you want too.

Good luck

Southwester