Bought my first house and hate it, SO much

Lumabones

Before I start this off, I wanna say I know I'm lucky for someone my age to own a home in the UK. I know some people never have this opportunity, or a roof over their heads. Trust me, I've been torturing myself over that too.

After having no luck buying a house for a year (2 sales fell through previously), my boyfriend and I bought a home I thought I liked. Whether I just settled for it because I was sick of trying, I dunno.
It was a reposession, empty, dingy, but had potential and a garden. Sale went through rather quick. Felt excited til we picked up the keys and pulled up to the house. I was mortified. It looked so much worse than I remember. I remember hating parts of it and being unsure before we bought. But family and friends told us it was totally easy to fix, those family and friends also had partners who were joiners, carpenters or whatever, who had said they'd help us, yet nowhere to be seen after we bought it. They also talked us out of a survey, saying how they were a waste of money.

We tried our best and fixed what we could, had a kitchen refurb, brightened the place up a bit with paints, not to mention this is our first house, and I was sad to move out of my parents (only 17 miles away) after living their after graduating, was making me feel quite emotional. A couple of of weeks later, I finally feel like I was starting to settle, despite the house still being unfinished. Fast forward to about a week and a half ago. I kept finding these bugs which I soon discovered are wood weevils. Panic set in, we lifted some floorboards on the ground floor and found a discarded, small piece of wood on the ground below the joists, totally infested. So we threw that away and had someone in to check if there's more, 3 joists are infested and some boards for what he can see and assured me there is a way to fix it.

I wanna mention that I've struggled with an anxiety disorder and bouts of depression for the past 9 years. So naturally, this set my anxiety in motion. Living away from my family means whenever a problem goes wrong, that I'm totally alone to deal with it, I feel completely alone and like this problem is mine to fix.

This has gotten me so wound up that I now hate the house. I have a feeling that this won't be all all of the woodworm and there'll be more elsewhere. I panic that I'm gonna fall through the ground floor or upper floor, that the ceiling will cave in, that everything possible is gonna go wrong and we won't be able to fix it. We don't have a great income, and I'm worried we've bought a money pit. I had been lying in bed all day, sobbing my heart out, because I can't bare to face the house. I feel guilty because I'm in bed and worry I'm neglecting my pet bunny who is housed in the living room. And the more I look at the house, the more I wonder why I bought it, the more I've scoured every way at how I can get out, renting it out isn't an option either. I just feel like I'm stuck with it forever because nobody else will want it either.

My boyfriend sent me home to my parents for a few days, following another breakdown at work and it did help a little, but I just hate coming back here. I wish I could just give it back to the bank and be done with it. I've lost all sense of my self, I have no enjoyment in anything anymore, I'm not eating, I just wanna stay in bed and sleep to escape it all.

I wish we'd bought any house but this. I don't feel comfortable being here, I don't feel comfortable even walking bare foot because I feel like it's all dirty, no matter how many times I clean it, I can't bring myself to do any housework, it's not cosy. I hate the floorplan, it doesn't feel like a homely layout. Not to mention no matter how many times I burn incense, candles, etc. It still has this awful smell.

I honestly wish we'd just gone for a new build instead, even though I hear horror stories about them.

Just looking for some kind of comfort I guess. I feel pretty lost and alone right now.

hazyjo

Bet you'd feel the same if you bought a new build or a beautifully furnished house.


It sounds very much like you need to work on controlling your anxiety. Please discuss with your doctor as I can't see that anyone on here could possibly begin to help you. Sorry

Grenage

To echo hazyjo's sentiments, it has nothing to do with the house, and everything to do with your mental state. Work on that, because the house is relatively trivial.

nyc_451

I feel for you, it can be overwhelming to buy a house that needs fixing as a first time buyer. I have bought a flat which I liked however I saw it in a different light once I got the keys, the excitement wore off and I could see all the flaws. I ended up spending more than budgeted to make it homely, and I've spent even more when things started going wrong; my flat is less than 10 years old and still can be a money pitfall for someone who's not confident with DIY.

I wouldn't move out just yet. Make a list of what you'd like to change in the house and work on it, you can find cheap ways if you do some research or talk to others. You don't have to stay in this house forever and time goes by quickly, work on improving it and if you still don't like it, sell it.

I felt very anxious and disappointed in my first year, I even regretted buying it sometimes, but it's all good now. I have learned a lot so I'll make better decisions in the future.

On the good side, you don't have to go through this on your own like I did.

Bossypants

I know how you feel. I had had a bit of a rough year mental health-wise before moving into my current (major fixer-upper) place. When I got here, the builders were only half done, everything was complete chaos, and the house turned out to have the one flaw I thought I had done everything to make sure it wouldn't have (because I dislike it so much). I have no partner, knew no one in the immediate area, and was an entire country away from my family. It was miserable.

Following the move, I had a week off after moving to try to settle in - it was mostly spent trying to shore myself up as best I could. One afternoon I spent literally lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for several hours. Another evening I convinced myself that the house was 'rejecting' me. But the thing is, I still got through it. Three months later, I'm pretty well settled. The flaw still exists and always will, but doesn't really bother me any more. I would encourage you to get some mental health support, go back home to your new house, and get to work making it feel like your place.

lincroft1710

Don't keep rabbits in your house, they'll thrive better outside.

Unless you are in the habit of keeping 5 ton elephants on the first floor or in the loft, your ceilings are unlikely to collapse. Similarly the floors are unlikely to collapse and you tend to get plenty of warning before they do.

princeofpounds

Hi Luma,

Firstly, I’ll tell you that you are not alone. These sorts of worries are not at all uncommon. It’s so common, it has a name; ‘buyers regret’. So don’t beat yourself up about these feelings.

But as well as giving you some reassurance, I also have to be clear about something. The magnitude of these worries seems excessive, even if the reasons are actually quite understandable.

You say you have anxiety issues and that your boyfriend has sent you home for recuperation - I think you probably know that you may have some mental health issues here, which are being aggravated by worries about the house. It may be there are secondary things about the change in your living situation that are also affecting your feelings about the house.

I would urge you to visit your GP and discuss this, or access some kind of other support (charities like Mind perhaps). I think there’s a good chance these issues are not too severe, and a bit of listening and support could help a lot.

I’m sure here on the board people will be able to lend an ear and provide some support.

Now for the practical stuff:

- you are *not* stuck indefinitely. There will be some costs to selling and moving, but these are not insurmountable, especially if the house is not that expensive and stamp duty is less of a factor. Whether it’s the right choice and timing depends on a lot of things, but as you’re reasonably young the most likely scenario is that you fix the place up a bit, pay down some of the mortgage, and upgrade.

People will want it, even if it still requires some work - there are always people happy to tackle this stuff.

- Houses do cost money to run, and even more to renovate. It can be shocking at times, if you haven’t had to deal with it before. The plus point about the poor starting point is that much of what you do will add some value, as well as improve your life in the place. It’s not a wasted effort.

I suggest that you and your boyfriend agree on a list of priorities. You don’t have to renovate everything at once - concentrate on a small list of issues at once. But you should definitely take some steps soon, as visible progress will improve morale. Figure out what is structurally important and what offers some ‘feelgood factor’. So sort out damp issues, for example. Or do up a bathroom so you have a clean haven.

- 3 joists with an infestation is not a terrible problem. These problems are indeed usually straightforward to address. Woodworm and similar insect problems are not like you see in the cartoons, people don’t go crashing through floors. There is a lot of scare marketing around issues like this, but most of the time damage is minor, we don’t have termites in this country. The chemical treatments are exceptionally effective, and if your floor is not bending inches as you walk across it it’s almost certainly safe - why not ask the guy when he has the floorboards up, or ask your joiner friend to just come and have a look (no work involved). You should see identifying and solving this problem as a *victory*.

- if you’ve cleaned the floors, it’s highly likely they are not dirty even if they look messy and feel uncomfortable underfoot. Wood (as in bare floorboards) and tiles are actually quite hygienic surfaces, probably more so than even a well-vacuumed carpet. Of course your concerns about cleanliness are probably related to all the other worries you’re experiencing.

So my questions to you are:

- do you think it might be a good idea to seek further help for your anxiety and the way it relates to the house, or am I off the mark?

- if you think about the house, what two or three things come to mind that would improve the situation for you?

fairy_lights

Lumabones wrote: »

So we threw that away and had someone in to check if there's more, 3 joists are infested and some boards for what he can see and assured me there is a way to fix it.

Ok good, get it fixed and then the one and only major issue with the house will be sorted, everything else can be dealt with as and when you have time and money.
Awful smell? Could be the carpets or underlay, is it in your budget to replace them?
You say the house has a garden - another big plus point, you can spend the summer landscaping it and enjoying having your own outside space.
Try to think back to when you first viewed the house - what did you like about it then?


Being a first time homeowner can be a difficult experience, once the rose tinted glasses come. I loved my house when I viewed it but when move in day came it was a huge anti-climax, without any furniture in it the house looked so shabby and cold and had a terrible stench of fish :eek:
Reality hits home pretty hard but in the long run you've got a house with potential that you can make in to a much more comfortable home if you can get your anxieties under control.

Lumabones

Thanks everyone, reading these do help keep me in check and understand this is only temporary if I want to.

Princeofpounds, oh definitely, my anxiety is totally to blame for this. I did wonder if it's because of a change in circumstances. I also find myself frequently looking online at houses I cos have had. The second sale we had fall through was definitely the "the one that got away", but it had been undervalued and the owner wouldn't compromise.

I am actually in the process of seeking help for anxiety, as normally I can pull myself out of flare ups with my disorder, but this time feels different. I think what's most is important is with anxiety I need my own place to unwind, and I don't feel like I have that here, because it doesn't feel like mine.

If I could have some absolutes with the house, I'd add French doors into the living room for the garden (I've never had a garden before and was initially excited about this). A new bathroom, and new flooring. The entire house apart from the hallway is that horrid, cheap, laminate. I HATE HATE HATE it. No matter how much I clean it, it's always piled with dust. Its like the cheapest stuff a landlord would put down and it just looks so awful. Not exactly cosy.

I think what's upsetting me the most is I'm a freelance illustrator, and Ice bad my business on hold now for a year nearly. And I just can't create here. I finally have a whole room dedicated to my studio area and I just don't feel comfortable enough to create, because the previous owners left that room a state too. I expected there to be some work to do with it being a repo and an older house (1950s if I recall), but the place just seems so badly neglected that it'll never be nice again. And I know this is all my anxiety talking, but it's hard when I feel like I have nowhere to feel safe at the end of a long day.

Lumabones

Fairylights - that's the thing, when i think back I can't actually remember now! I just remember thinking it looked really run down but had potential and was like £15-20k cheaper for the area, and considering we could only get a mortgage of like... £90k, we didn't have of options, we'd already wasted a year (and fees) trying to buy two precious houses, that I think I just settled for this? I think I was sort of talked into it by people telling me I was being too picky and needed to look past it, but next time I'll definitely be thinking of myself. The first house we tried to buy had faults, but I absolutely adored it, same for the second one, had faults, but just felt "right".

I do think it's the layout with this place. It's double fronted, semi-detached. Stairs in the middle as you enter, living room one side of the house, kitchen the other. Like everything feels sort of separate? Maybe just because in used to terrace houses that feel more cosy. I feel like it's too big and spread out for just me and my partner. If that all makes sense.

[Deleted User]

You're feeling the way you do because you don't know what you're doing - that's normal, all first timers experience the same.


Go online, buy books, watch house programmes (Homes Under The Hammer especially), whatever - but do start to do some research, read, read, read …… and learn


Once you know what is what, what means what, etc. etc. you'll slowly start to learn that the issues you're currently staring at are all fixable.


It's a pity that your so-called helpers haven't been able to hold your hand to this point but, do your research and maybe you can tell them that actually you don't need them after all …… now that would feel great, wouldn't it ?!!!


So, start your research now, don't put it off because that's not going to help, in 24 hours you will have already learnt a lot. :beer:


Once you get started you'll find that it can become really good fun