Bought my first house and hate it, SO much

hazyjo

I think the important thing to try to understand is that it doesn't all have to come at once.

Why don't you try Pinterest. Save pics of what you love and dream of what you want to do to your home. I think it's SO much nicer adding your own stamp on things. It should be a long term project. Try to find some enjoyment in that rather than seeing it as overwhelming or so far off into the future that it'll never happen.

You can add French doors later. And flooring. And you can pick EXACTLY what you want, and make the house work for you.

Laminate isn't permanent. Carpet over it, or get it up and replace with something you love (if/when you can afford it).

The layout sounds good to me. I would LOVE to be able to afford a double fronted house. I stare at the gorgeous one opposite mine and dream. Make long term plans. Ours is a bit small. We have had to cram in a lot of furniture upstairs. I always dream of converting the loft and extending out the back a bit. Probably won't ever do either, but it's nice to dream.

So don't label the room a 'studio'. Just make it your room. Clear it out entirely. Decide (don't rush!) on how you want it. Do just that one room. Stick a carpet down, paint/paper the walls, change the light, nice curtains or whatever you like, and then use it how YOU want to. It can be your sanity room to get away from the rest. Shut the door. Do a jigsaw, paint, use your computer, creative writing, crafting, whatever relaxes you. It will become somewhere you want to work.

My OH is bipolar and the thought of me buying this house and 'making him move' (same with the last house) scared him half to death. Deep down we knew it was the right decision, but it was so hard getting there. There were things we both hated about the house, but have changed or adapted them. Still a long way to go. Got someone in re-painting all the hallway/landing this Friday even though we had them do it last year as we rushed the decision in the first place just so it would feel 'clean'. The rest, we have really taken our time over and it's all feeling warm and fuzzy and my OH literally cries saying how much he LOVES our home now.

Forget the two you lost. Perhaps it happened for a reason. Things work in mysterious ways and sometimes we seem to have lost something when, in fact, we were merely moved out the way to dodge a bullet.

Give it time x

phoebe1989seb

Hi Luma

Sorry you're going through this at what should be an exciting time in your new home. I can empathise, having made a couple of bad moves (lost money on selling too ) and also having bought a repossession seventeen months ago.

Our repo was very depressing when we first moved in - especially having sold a much larger property that was also better suited to our style (Arts & Crafts Movement, whereas our current cottage is a 400 year old former agricultural building) - and almost all our stuff was in storage so we could get the major building jobs done, so our creature comforts were absent.

Even though we're experienced DIYers with several renovations under our belt this one felt worse being a repo that had been [STRIKE]bodged[/STRIKE] done up cheaply by the previous owners. Everything was either low quality tat or badly done workmanship. Not what we were used to at all!

It was hugely depressing and I admit to feeling more than a little despondent - especially as the property had no water supply so until we had a borehole drilled two months after purchase, so we were flushing the loo with bottled water, plus we couldn't have a bath (none at property) and cooking facilities were basic to say the least.

For the first six months plus we were living on a building site - luckily it's just two of us plus two dogs! - but then things began to improve, particularly once I suggested to DH that once the kitchen was in a useable state, we leave that and get a living room done so we had somewhere comfortable that felt like home, our own space to relax as the winter drew nearer! Best thing we've done, as getting our sofas out of storage and curling up by the new wood burner after a long day DIYing felt like heaven! Kitchen's still not completely finished but I've taken a chill pill - actually just loads of wine! - and it'll get done when it gets done, lol!

When we'd been in the cottage ten months, DH set up a new business so building work has ground to a halt, but as well as painting inside and out, I've been busy trying to tame the half acre garden that hadn't been touched for decades. Gardening is so therapeutic it never fails to lift my flagging spirits.

Soon phase two of the restoration will begin (DH is taking a busman's holiday, lol!) so hopefully by winter we'll be almost done

I think the cottage finally started to feel like home when we repatriated our worldly possessions from storage, but removing all the previous owners' rubbishy finishes has definitely helped - we still have their hideous vanity unit and some !!!!!! glass blocks in one wall. I cringe every time I look at them!

Things will get better. Easy to say, I know, but every little bit that gets done is another step towards making it your home! Agree with hazyjo that it's best to take your time - we once spent nearly ten years on a (big) project house, then we sold it, lol - and get things right. It's so easy to rush in and make mistakes doing things before you've had a chance to think everything through. Keep idea books of what you like and work towards easily achievable goals!

Lumabones

Thanks, I actually do love decorating! I'd always get stuck in and help my parents do it when I was younger, my partner has been teaching me how to do some DIY tasks, such as caulking, we grouted the splashback tiles the other day, and we really gutted all of the massively overgrown weeds out of the garden. So I know I DO love getting stuck in, we actually covered the hallway in testers! It was originally gray, a nice one! But just the carpets gray too and I don't want everything to lack colour as you walk in. I'll be painting it myself, because I love painting and I'm pretty good at it.

I am a bit stumped about the other colours of the rooms so far... Part of me wants to play it safe until I know what I want. I guess I'm just looking forward to being able to do odd jobs without everything feeling overwhelming? I was settling fine until these bugs came along... Now I feel like I can't concentrate until that is solved.. I wanna paint the fence and paint a border around the brick on the house and make it look nice.
So surely I must be feeling something for the place still?

babyblade41

You need help and quickly. not as in a chippy or sparky but mental health... The house isn't the issue it's your state of mind ..I can say this as I'm in recovery of a very serious breakdown.

This forum or any other is safe because of anonymity if careful but I wouldn't care who knows about what happened to me so forget the house as it can and will be sorted in time but as stated earlier it wouldn't matter if it was all homes and gardens, the upset of your equilibrium needs the adjustment.

Temp fixes like going back home won't fix you as you can't do that every 5 mins

Learn to love yourself and the rest will follow...it will take time , a lot of support and one hour at a time... trust me I've ducked the stress demon for many years but eventually it catches up with you...the longer you leave it the worse it gets.

Once you get your mental health stable then you might enjoy doing the re-furb... for me I can't wait to get started but the pros have to come in now we have got the house ready for them

hazyjo

Whilst I agree with babyblade, I do think you're underestimating yourself. Yes, your last post does sound as though you are slowly getting there.

It sounds like the amount of work and unfamiliarity and that horrible unstable feelings are eating away at you.

I'm not one for 'playing it safe' lol. I like colour and bold statements. Spent a bloody fortune on wallpaper, but I figured I'd save money elsewhere and have picked exactly what we both like. I never look at something and regret compromising, it's been a bit of an indulgence getting it all lovely (well, to us anyway!).

I know the feelings you say. I STILL see a crack in the floorboards and squeaky kitchen floorboards and think OMG THE HOUSE IS SINKING, or OMG WE HAVE A FLOOD UNDER THE HOUSE (actually I do think there's a leak under there somewhere!). The floors slope in places as did my last house and I had this constant niggle of OMG WE HAVE SUBSIDENCE. We are now near a flight path and whilst it's actually quite exciting rushing to see the planes, sometimes when I'm in bed with the window open, I'll think OMG THAT PLANE IS GOING TO FALL OUT THE SKY AND FLATTEN US/THE HOUSE and my heart will race. I'll see a crack in the ceiling and think OMG THAT WASN'T THERE BEFORE, THE HOUSE IS GOING TO FALL DOWN.

I'm not generally an anxious person (although am OCD and have my own issues occasionally), but I do feel that anxiety of worrying that someone has sold the house on because of really major undisclosed probs with it. But it's my 8th property, and I've pretty much had that feeling every time.

It does get better! I now only feel it when there's a bit of a problem, not all the time. Just comes with being a homeowner I think.

Will stand by comments though to address that anxiety/condition. It's likely to get worse the older you get so you need to take control of it.

Sammypooler

If I had to live in a small terraced house I would feel exactly the way you do. I don’t think your mental health difficulties are completely to blame.

Sammypooler

Also the survey prob wouldn’t pick up the bugs because they don’t lift carpets etc.

Are you doing stuff outside of the house that makes you happy?

AdrianC

Wood-boring weevil isn't woodworm. It only survives on wet, rotting, mouldy wood - so your first job is to sort whatever's causing the joists to be wet. It's likely to be something straightforward, like high ground levels blocking ventilation through the airbricks, maybe a leaking pipe.

Yes, it's going to be a PITA doing that, letting it all dry, then replacing any rotten timber - but the weevils won't and don't and can't live on solid, dry wood. They're a symptom, not the cause. The damp is also the cause of the smell.

Don't beat yourself up over having a survey - no survey would have picked up on them, because no surveyor would lift the floorboards.

Get the problem fixed, and it'll soon fade into history. Then concentrate on making the fabric of the house into your home...

ratechaser

Sammypooler wrote: »

If I had to live in a small terraced house I would feel exactly the way you do. I don’t think your mental health difficulties are completely to blame.

Erm, I think a lot of people would be very happy to have a small terraced house, or indeed any house at all, as a first home!

My first place was an ex-council repo flat, right on the edge of a dual carriageway. What you might call a 'fixer upper' - doors kicked in, nothing but exposed pipes in the 'kitchen', lovely swirly artex everywhere and no carpets in sight. I had just moved out of my parents gigantic Edwardian mansion in middle class suburbia, and you know what - I loved the whole experience - my first taste of independence, and of having a place of my own. I never seriously thought it would be my 'forever' place, but I was there for 6 years and was able to make it my home in so many big and small ways.

Luma, chin up, I hope that you are able to get the help you need for your anxiety because with the right frame of mind, this could and should be a fantastic experience for you...

phoebe1989seb

Sammypooler wrote: »

If I had to live in a small terraced house I would feel exactly the way you do. I don’t think your mental health difficulties are completely to blame.

That's rather unhelpful

A lot of us started out in either flats or terraced houses and were proud to have a home of our own. We can't all go from living at home to buying/renting a sprawling mansion. It often takes time and several moves up the property ladder to achieve the 'dream' home...if such a thing even exists!

Our first owned home as a couple was a one bed flat. It was in a great location opposite a common on the seafront. A house in a similar location would've been completely out of our reach. It took ten years and three more moves before we had the six bed detached.

The OP doesn't need comments like that, imho.....

I admire the OP for taking on a repo as their first home purchase. I don't think we'd have been brave enough back then!