Money Moral Dilemma: Best man seems to be overcharging for the stag do - should we pay up?

Roy_The_Boy

Just ask I'm in the same situation at the moment organisers couldn't give valid breakdown and kept saying telling porkies about stuff being booked then it changes and prices don't. So said I'd go just for the evening and sort my own accommodation out if you don't trust them don't hand your cash over. Equally I've been on stag do's that have been really well organised and costs clearly shown what they're for etc.:money:

hb2

I would certainly want to know what the £200 included, so that I could estimate how much extra I might have to spend on top of this.

Finney16

I went on my son's stag do last year and that cost over 200 for two nights and included entry to a night club hotel and breakfast plus on top of this hire of a minibus and my son did not pay for anything so the amount charged seems reasonable.

stmartinsdiver

I thought the whole point of this website was to save people money, so why do so many people replying to this "dilemma" say in so many words - 'don't worry about it, just pay up'?

Of course you should know exactly what you are getting for your money.

As the more sensible replies have already said - ask.

justcreatedthis

Hi everyone!

I'm the person who sent the MMD. First of all, thanks for all your comments so far. I thought I should clarify a few things, though, in the interest of actually receiving advice on this.

Below is the original message I posted. It was edited slightly by the MSE team, which is fair enough, but you can see that I/we have asked the person for more info. The "dilemma" is therefore whether to take it further, or just leave it:

A good friend of ours is getting married, and the best man - someone we don't know very well - is gathering various groups of friends into one for a great weekend together.

He's created a Whatsapp group, as you do, and asked for £200 each, without providing any additional info. Literally, "£200 guys, these are my bank details." One of our group asked to have a breakdown of this cost, please, and the best man said it was £150 for accommodation, £25 for some activities and £25 for food/drink. All fine, however it turns out it isn't a full weekend but just one night. £150 seemed steep. Again, without him saying anything, someone else asked for more details. He provided an Airbnb link which clearly showed the price per person per night to be in the range of £90-£110 (even taking into account that the stag himself won't pay).

A third person reluctantly (not wanting to be "that guy") contacted him privately to ask the total cost in a roundabout way, trying not to offend but at the same time trying to better understand how much he was charged for the booking. The enquirer mentioned things such as "getting a better deal for everyone." [like the advice some of you guys have provided] The best man was vague and then, when he was eventually asked directly what the cost was, he avoided answering the question. He said he appreciated the help, and effectively shut the conversation down entirely.

Long story short, a few of us are fairly convinced he is ripping everyone off, possibly pocketing £40-£50 on top per person, easily around £500. There is a chance it is all above board of course and we have continuously been giving him the benefit of the doubt, but why be so vague? Obviously we cannot accuse him directly, and feel that, in the interest of not spoiling the night for the groom, or worse, have animosity at the actual wedding, we just have to give up and take the hit.

So there you have it. Any help would be much appreciated! Cheers :beer:

TLDR: I'm the original stag-goer and the one who posted the dilemma, we spoke to the best man directly and he has been reluctant to answer questions. Should we just take the hit, or do we keep digging? Cheers

db2016

if it was someone i knew, i'd not question it unless i found it a lot / could help organise it for better prices etc.


anyone else i'd ask for break down. always best to with anything, so you know what the cost is made up of!

malkypaul

I did just that, I was invited to a stag do followed by a wedding in H/west (I live in Birmingham), the hotel was around £200 per night for two nights (OUCH), I booked my own nearby accommodation via https://www.travel-offers.co.uk which costs £50:00 for a A5 booklet that shows hotels in the scheme, anywhere in the UK and Europe for an annual subscription to a site that gives free overnight accommodation (so long as you buy your meals there in your hotel, you have got eat somewhere) a Taxi there and back (Twice) (£60:00 total) (I was totally wrecked both evenings) and still saved money (and the subsequent brawl that followed),
Having said all that, If you don't know him very well why bother going just to line somebody else's pockets with your money.
Your's Mr Tightwad

suecoo1966

Calpol4life wrote: »

Why ask for a breakdown though....?

Like worse case scenario, you are over charged what, £40?

By challenging and asking for a breakdown you’ll be ‘that guy’ and nobody wants to be ‘that guy’ for the sake of £40....

So have a good time away from the wife/kids/gf/mum and dad....

Money well spent

So if ten people are being overcharged by £40 the best man is making £400! 20 people and that's £800! we haven't all got money to give away and to some £40 is a fair bit of money. The costs should be transparent

sparkermarketing

Say to the best man/group, that "the hotel looks a little expensive for me unfortunately, I have found X deal which I will be booking for myself" - or say that the accommodation isnt up to the standard that you want, so you will be booking your own.

I have been on stag doo's where both of these situations has occurred and nobody from the rest of the group has batted an eyelid.

Pollycat

justcreatedthis wrote: »

Hi everyone!

I'm the person who sent the MMD. First of all, thanks for all your comments so far. I thought I should clarify a few things, though, in the interest of actually receiving advice on this.

Below is the original message I posted. It was edited slightly by the MSE team, which is fair enough, but you can see that I/we have asked the person for more info. The "dilemma" is therefore whether to take it further, or just leave it:

Hmmm.
So MSE has wasted the time of everyone who suggested you ask for more information about what the cost covers. :cool:

Just goes to show that these MMDs are a nonsense.


Thanks for clarifying the situation.

justcreatedthis wrote: »

A good friend of ours is getting married, and the best man - someone we don't know very well - is gathering various groups of friends into one for a great weekend together.

He's created a Whatsapp group, as you do, and asked for £200 each, without providing any additional info. Literally, "£200 guys, these are my bank details." One of our group asked to have a breakdown of this cost, please, and the best man said it was £150 for accommodation, £25 for some activities and £25 for food/drink. All fine, however it turns out it isn't a full weekend but just one night. £150 seemed steep. Again, without him saying anything, someone else asked for more details. He provided an Airbnb link which clearly showed the price per person per night to be in the range of £90-£110 (even taking into account that the stag himself won't pay).

A third person reluctantly (not wanting to be "that guy") contacted him privately to ask the total cost in a roundabout way, trying not to offend but at the same time trying to better understand how much he was charged for the booking. The enquirer mentioned things such as "getting a better deal for everyone." [like the advice some of you guys have provided] The best man was vague and then, when he was eventually asked directly what the cost was, he avoided answering the question. He said he appreciated the help, and effectively shut the conversation down entirely.

Long story short, a few of us are fairly convinced he is ripping everyone off, possibly pocketing £40-£50 on top per person, easily around £500. There is a chance it is all above board of course and we have continuously been giving him the benefit of the doubt, but why be so vague? Obviously we cannot accuse him directly, and feel that, in the interest of not spoiling the night for the groom, or worse, have animosity at the actual wedding, we just have to give up and take the hit.

So there you have it. Any help would be much appreciated! Cheers :beer:

TLDR: I'm the original stag-goer and the one who posted the dilemma, we spoke to the best man directly and he has been reluctant to answer questions. Should we just take the hit, or do we keep digging? Cheers

His skirting round the questions being asked sounds suspicious.

In the circumstances, I wouldn't be happy to just hand over £200.

Do you know the groom well enough to bring it up with him?
Something innocuous like 'Tom's asked us all for £200 for the stag do but we don't know what it actually covers'.

You've already discovered a potential issue with accommodation being described as £150 but apparently is between £90 and £100.

TBH, £25 for food and drink doesn't sound like a lot of money.
You could say to the groom that you're concerned the best man has underestimated some of the costs.