Issues with in-laws?

barbiedoll

OP, you may find that your husband finds his voice when he holds his child in his arms.

My friend put up with years of verbal and physical abuse from her dad. She never ever stood up to him until he made a nasty comment about her young son, who was having a (perfectly normal) toddler tantrum at her parents house. Her dad made some remark along the lines of how her kid would “end up in prison” if she didn’t discipline him properly. That’s when she let rip and told him exactly what a ghastly father he had been and that she would never let him near her kids unsupervised, given his violent tendencies.

If neither of you are religious, then tell the in-laws that your child won’t be attending any church until he/she is old enough to make their own decisions. As for the filthy and dangerous house....just take a few pics, then you can tell MIL that you showed your midwife/health visitor who said that it is an unsafe environment for a child. (I know that this is all in the future, but it’s worth remembering!)

Jackmydad

If you let yourself be bullied now, so it will be ever after.
You do what you and your husband want. Not what anyone else wants.
Being able to say "no" and meaning it is one of the necessary skills of being an adult.

Pollycat

Jackmydad wrote: »

If you let yourself be bullied now, so it will be ever after.
You do what you and your husband want. Not what anyone else wants.
Being able to say "no" and meaning it is one of the necessary skills of being an adult.

The OP needs to use this ^^^^ advice in discussions with her husband.

"I've told Mum & Dad the baby will be christened".
No, he/she will not be christened.

"I've told Mum & Dad the baby will go to their church"
No, he/she will not attend any church until they are old enough to make the decision to do so.

"I've told Mum & Dad we'll visit every week"
No, we won't be.

This ^^^^ is not about the OP getting her own way. For the first 2:

Her husband

Pops158 wrote: »

is very against organised religion and is the main force behind no church or christening.

For the 3rd, anyone would realise it's a dangerous environment to take a child into (except maybe the OP's in-laws).

pollypenny

If the level of hoarding and filth you describe is true I'd say there must be mental health issues.

No child of mine would be crawling or toddling on that floor.

mobileron

Your husband needs to grow a pair, tell him the babys name will be Luther or Damien. In laws reaction should be interesting.

[Deleted User]

For me this is really a non issue, my child my rules.


No way would I allow a child of mine to grow up near parents in laws like that with those type of beliefs and issues. The house isn't just dirty its dangerous.


To be honest I'm not even sure I would have married into a family like that.

Jackmydad

Pollycat wrote: »

The OP needs to use this ^^^^ advice in discussions with her husband.

"I've told Mum & Dad the baby will be christened".
No, he/she will not be christened.

"I've told Mum & Dad the baby will go to their church"
No, he/she will not attend any church until they are old enough to make the decision to do so.

"I've told Mum & Dad we'll visit every week"
No, we won't be.

This ^^^^ is not about the OP getting her own way. For the first 2:

Her husband


For the 3rd, anyone would realise it's a dangerous environment to take a child into (except maybe the OP's in-laws).

I'd also say that if I say "no" to something then it's not open to discussion.
At least where as far as I'm concerned there can be no compromise, as in the things talked about here.

halogen

I'm not going to comment on the child issue. I don't have children so I don't feel qualified to comment.
However I am a hoarder and I come from a long line of horders- I can no longer get upstairs in my parents house for example. My own problem does vary from day to day. some days I can throw things out others I can't.

However offering to help 'throw things out' is never going to work. I find the idea of other people deciding what in my stuff is rubbish very stressful and anxiety inducing. Other people throwing out my stuff is a horrific thought.
Does the MIL have any mobility issues? for me my mobility issues very much get in the way of cleaning the house...My house hasn't been hoovered in months for that reason.

-taff

haolgen I have a lot of stuff in my house that I gather because one day, 'it'll come in useful' or the other one - I will use it [whatever 'it' is] honest!
Recent events have made me look again at this attitude towards things, because while I say I won't do this anymore, i manage to still accumulate various items.
I recently heard about Swedish death cleaning, wil do some more reading about it, but basically the concept seems sound [ not having given it too much research yet] that you organise your belongings so that when you die, no-one has t sort through mounds of things that they have absolutely no interest in or know what to do with.
Might help you, might not, just putting it out there....
I personally, find it very easy to leave sorting anything out because of time issues, or health issues, with the idea that I'll get roundto it eventually. Eventually is a long way off though, so I'd better start soon...:)
Maybe the decluttering thread on the old style board would help you too...I read that for inspiration but I don't post on it.

Sea_Shell

halogen wrote: »

I'm not going to comment on the child issue. I don't have children so I don't feel qualified to comment.
However I am a hoarder and I come from a long line of horders- I can no longer get upstairs in my parents house for example. My own problem does vary from day to day. some days I can throw things out others I can't.

However offering to help 'throw things out' is never going to work. I find the idea of other people deciding what in my stuff is rubbish very stressful and anxiety inducing. Other people throwing out my stuff is a horrific thought.
Does the MIL have any mobility issues? for me my mobility issues very much get in the way of cleaning the house...My house hasn't been hoovered in months for that reason.

However, do/can you appreciate that your home would not be a safe environment for a baby or small child? OPs parents don't and that's the difference.